Sudha walked on the solitude,eternal, wet street, irrespective of a pre decided destination. Her husband’s voice reverberated in her ears while she collected herself and continued to walk.
“Sudha, don’t behave like a wayward child”, said Arvind, he stood tall and erect in front of the full length mirror to adjust his blue tie on the collar of his impeccable black and white pinstripe shirt.
“How could you do this to me Arvind?”, replied Sudha to her husband while She wiped the tears off her fair complexion cheeks with the edge of her silk banarsi saree.
“Sudha, there is no need to create a scene out of minor issue, calm down, I can explain it to you”, said Arvind while he looked up at the reflecting surface to get glimpse of Sudha’s pear shaped face which was adorned with a round vermilion on her forehead.
“minor issue??? You have an affair outside our marriage and two kids from that other woman in your life, is this a minor issue?” her weeps grew louder, she tied back her curly long hair and held Arvind’s hand to tug him away from the mirror. For the first time his gaze met hers. Not a single wave of regret on his face, made Sudha sad and angry simultaneously.
She continued to walk over the long street, under the bright moon and twinkling stars, which headed to a higher altitude along the stretch of shrubs while recalling her fifteen years of married life. For Arvind it was a fifteen years of togetherness along with a seven years of an extramarital affair, for Sudha it was fifteen years in a gilded cage and golden handcuffs. Fifteen years ago, her father’s eyes glittered with the dream of getting his only daughter married to his friend’s son who was a well settled businessman in the city of Mumbai. His father worked as a laborer in a silk handloom in Banaras, his entire life passed weaving silk in the extreme conditions, he was a small man with big dreams for his daughter’s bright future.
Sudha recalled while walking on the wet, dark, isolate street that the pandemonium in her room, invited her mother in law in their bedroom. The old lady in her late fifties intruded in the room to interrupt in their personal matter.
“see Sudha, we consulted the best doctors but you couldn’t become a mother, there is a problem in your body, why should my son devoid the happiness and joy of fatherhood? He deserves to be happy.” Said her mother in law, her brutal words crushed Sudha’s self respect. Being a woman herself, she failed to understand the situation and feelings of another woman.
She was breathing heavy while ascended on the sloppy desolate street in an upward direction, she was panting for water but her vicinity was deprived of human population due to midnight hours. Tears rolled down her cheeks and blended on her skin with sweat, when she recalled her last conversation with her husband.
“Arvind, you have to choose between me or your illegal children and their mother”, she demanded an answer without wasting much time.
“Sudha it’s true that I love you but my children and Kalpana are my responsibility, I can not run away from my responsibility”, he couldn’t make an eye contact with Sudha while he spoke to her.
She reached the pinnacle of the cliff right on the time when her left heel splinter over the precipice. She occupied a bench in the corner of the palisade of the height and revive last moments in her husband’s home. She broke down into pieces when she recalled that her weeps metamorphose to loud howls, “I gave you my fifteen years, I did everything to please you, I lived my life according to your choice, I forgot to be ‘ME’ in the process of being ‘YOURS’ and this is what I get in return.”. She picked herself along with her handbag and pushed herself out off the home.
She sat there in silence for a few minutes to offer her condolence to the deceased relationship with her husband and in-laws. She unzipped her handbag and drew out her cell phone, she swiped on the touch screen to unlock it and find that their were no missed calls from her husband, he hadn’t bother to call her up once. Her fingers clenched to a rigid fist, her nails penetrated deep in her palms to hurt her physically. She dig into her handbag to find a pen and a writer’s pad, she started scribbling and scrawling to form a cacography on one side of the paper, she folded it and kept it back safely in her purse.
After a deep breath, she gather up courage to stand up and walk towards the edge of the palisade, she had made up her mind, it was her final decision, she wanted to end her life by jumping from the cliff and leaving the rest on gravity. With each rueful step towards intrusive death, her mind was occupied with thoughts of her desires left incomplete. She closed her eyes to transport herself in the old peaceful days when she lived in Banaras with her parents, being the only child to her parents, she always wished to support and live with her parents in their old age.
A smile curved up her lips when she continued to think about her second desire, she always wanted to be an entrepreneur and own a small-scale silk handloom, she had grown up watching his father weaving the fabric, she was excellent in that job earlier, before her marriage. Her third and the final desire was to adopt a baby girl and feel the happiness and joy of motherhood, she appealed to Arvind with her desire of adoption, but she was left alone with her desire in a disdain. She opened her eyes to reality and she was prepared to succumb her life of fragile dreams in the cold hands of death.
There was no one around her, the only evidence of her death would be the suicide note which she wrote a few moments ago on the writer’s pad and kept it safely in her hand bag. She crossed the palisade and stepped ahead to count in her mind 1 2 and 3. With the third count, when she leap ahead, a force of masculine strong hand held her hand and tugged her towards him. She was jerked by the male. Her life was saved by a nanosecond. The negligible point between life and death was determined by the man who saved Sudha’s life.
Sudha turned back in a mode of bewilderment to get a glimpse of the man who changed the moment of her death into a moment of life. He was an attractive man in his early thirties, his well-built physique and round face added on to his enigmatic look, his eyes were sparkling with energy, he was dressed in a blue t-shirt and a black pair of denim.
“Ma’am are you fine?”, his voice was as captivating as his personality.
“Why did you save me? I want to end my life”, Sudha said in a voice filled with fear and trepidation. Her forehead became rigid.
“Why do you want to end your life? world is such a beautiful place to live”, he said with an ease in his voice, he continued,“ please come here”, he held her hand and made her sit on the same bench where she was seated few moments ago. He offered to her a bottle filled with aqua and made her comfortable.
“Ma’am it’s your personal life, I don’t want to interfere in your life but….”, he said with a pinch of hesitation in his voice while Sudha gulped in water and breath in a sequence.
“I am left with no reason to live, I sacrificed my desires, my wishes for…..”, she cried and reluctantly tried to one up with the stranger, but couldn’t complete her sentence.
“Sacrificed???”, he said in an interrogation and continued, “Live for your sacrificed desire, live to fulfill your incomplete wishes. Desire is a lantern in your heart, keep it burning inside you with the flame of hope and faith to fill your life with light and energy. Bravely face the situations that life brings to you, don’t run away from them, take those difficult situations as challenges and win over them”, he said to motivate Sudha.
“It’s easier said than done”, Sudha was devastated it wasn’t easy to inspire her.
“It may not be easy, but it is not impossible, the higher is the intensity of your difficulty, the more contented you will feel after you overcome them”, he continued to speak, whereas Sudha was gazing at the diminished moon while she heeded the stranger, “Transform your weakness into strength, your threats into opportunities, your desires into reality, smile at the life and the life will smile for you. Emerge out as a strong person, take your suicide note in your hand and turn it over to fill the other side of the page with your desires and wishes, strive towards your desires and wishes, live for your own self, love your own self, be honest to your own self. Have faith and trust in God, he pulls you behind because he wants you to take a higher jump in life, everything happens for a good reason, follow the path of righteous and you will succeed in achieving your desires.”
Sudha was mesmerized, she was filled with light and love, the stranger changed her perception towards life, he possessed the power to numb Sudha’s senses, she didn’t realize that the stranger was aware about the presence of a secret suicide note in her hand bag. He ignited her life and gave her hope and strength to face the difficult situations.
Sudha spend the rest of the night at airport to board in the first flight at the dawn to her hometown Banaras. She did as the stranger advised, she turned over her suicide note and neatly wrote down her desires and wishes.
She bravely stepped on the path of her desires and unfolded each, one by one.
Four years later.
Sudha was surrounded by audience and the auditorium was filled with applause, it was the sound of something that was missing for years, the sound of respect, it was a special day for her, the accolade for ‘Woman Entrepreneur of the year’ was held rigidly in her proud hands. Her drudgery paid her back in a short span of time, she earned reputation and independence after working hard in the silk handloom which she owned with the help of a bank finance. She believed in women empowerment and appointed only women to work in her small-scale silk weaving industry. She lived her life of dream and complete herself when she adopted a girl child to enjoy the happiness of motherhood.
“Thank you very much, I would like to thanks the beautiful audience, God, my parents, my husband (for leaving me) and finally I would like to pay a warm gratitude to the man who sold dreams to me at the cost of my problems”, she continued to narrate her story while she maintained an eye contact with the audience, “I don’t know where did he hail from on the desolate cliff? Where did he disappeared after filling my soul with light and love? How was he aware about the presence of a suicide note in my hand bag?” she looked up at the audience and was amazed to see the stranger, the transcendent human frame distinguished himself from the rest of the crowd with his captivating personality and pleasing smile.
Sudha silently squint her eyes to get a clear view of the divine and pure being who disappeared like fog in front of her eyes. Sudha had finally found answers to her questions.
–END–
