Faster than ever:
The tyres of car are running with speed with uncountable revolutions per second. The vehicle is moving forth chiseling the air and the air blew threw the window holes with enormous pressure and force.Steering was steady and the right leg is full upon the accelerator. The force of air giving the sound of a storm wind as the vehicle is passing with high speed. Some loose parts of it are making sounds rhythmically nonrhythmic. Sound of the FM station getting dominated by such speed of the 7-seater and the sound of the wind. Many of the other vehicles chasing out with brutal engine force by many times speed of this furious 7-seater car.
Precautionary to avoid the wind blow, the person sitting in the front beside the driver’s seat closed the window using the automated window button already. But Fingers placed on the hand rest of the door. His eyes deeply lost in thoughts into the half blue, half cloudy and sunny sky.
Some intentions ran deep in the spine that urged his fingers to change their position towards the door unlocking button. Some, suppressing distress is taking over the intelligence of the 27-year old man. A slight unrest in the right shoulder took place sensing some signals from the mind.
Faster than the speed of the car, his mind traveled back into a year back. Traveled to the moments that broke down his integrity, confidence and most importantly his happiness. But it was not unexpected moment for him though. He predicted for that moment in his future, but the way it came shattered him. It took away his happiness in a whisker coming out of nowhere.
The one came into his life unexpectedly and the same one exit out of his life in a similarly unexpected fashion. Love of his life left him for rest of his life. Although it is every other story of love break up, it is not going to console him in any way. It was just more than a love, more than a life partner and more than his life. Astonishingly, sorrow is not for having to loose his love, but losing a person out of his life whom his mind, body and soul’s happiness got depended.
After surviving many blows of minor heart breaks, he was looking to gain confidence slowly to win her heart. Not realizing the fact that, the heart is already broken and the broken pieces made all the difference. It seemingly to be the most disastrous moment of his life but anyhow he came out of the sorrow and depression after that day. Being an optimist he tried both ways, forgetting the pain and trying to glue her broken heart. Unfortunately, both of his trials failed, later one and the former one after multiple futile efforts.
Pain dominates Wisdom:
Being a post graduate, he had all the knowledge of himself and got good consciousness to differentiate right and wrong wisely. Also after being a professional he knew what it takes to be foolish decisions and wise ones. But being a human being with broken heart none of the above came into picture to stop the bleeding inside. It even made him to forget where he came from, not understanding about the valuable family behind him.
Not knowing the expectations and love from his elderly parents who are waiting for his success. Not knowing their hopes upon him in becoming a responsible person and a family man similar to them. He was form of their result of their lives, they spent so far with all their time, money and blood. Without him, they have nothing with them except their physical bodies. They put all their efforts bringing him up in life. To be simple they are just like two people who planted a tree, at least hopefully to give a shelter from sun and rain, although it may not be able to give fruits. They may not expect him to do favors but at least do his basic duty of protecting them at this age, as they did the same till his arrival to the planet til today. Surprisingly they are still ready to protect him even till their death.
But, none of these things come into picture at this moment to him. The 5 year old pain for which he is bleeding seems to be larger than the 30 years old affection of their parents. Targeted towards unknown results for future, his thinking continued. Not able to estimate the magnitude that his deed can create for his family his ‘Hijacked’ brain continued to give orders for its nerves. It is remarkable that how pain took over all the wisdom, knowledge and experience in a very short time. Made to forget the surroundings, situations, conditions and all other possible and thinkable factors at that moment.
The final call:
Just still remained few kms away to his office that starts at 230pm in the mid afternoon. After eating the food cooked by his mother and taking some suggestions from retired father about future got this cab with his office mates. Each one in their own way of personal time, most of them plugged with ear phones to listen their favorite music. One of them reading a book of choice and another whining and complaining about life with her best buddy.
Driver was young enough to run equal to the vehicle 3 times his age, at the same time enjoying to the beats of the songs in the car kit. The 27-year old, still in his thoughts and the brain in trials of his affected wisdom. To commit for the foolish act bringing all the senses together to cooperate with the situation, and act as per commands of the brain.
Finally, the call was taken and he made the decision. Brain sent the signals, the flux of signals started to boost up. All the energy concentrated on a single spot to commit the act. The act that has no result in mind. The act that has no target to reach, The act that has no plan to restore. The plan aimed only with an assumption of achieving something unknown. A foolish and cowardly act that is also a brave and bold act at the same time to commit.
By any name you may call it as, it is ‘Suicide’. The only coward act in the planet that needs to have so much of ‘Braveness’ to perform. Always in such an act, there will be a fight between the will power and wisdom. All of a sudden, the brain withdrew its impulses away, all the fingers of the hand refrained from pressing the door button. With most difficulty, again the impulses retracted to press it and many moments passed for this fight.
The Swift Move:
No one were aware of his act as his body language suggested nothing about his deeds. In that speed, it was obvious that everyone go into relaxing mode with the smooth actions of the SUV. Finally, he made a call, gained, forced and convinced the senses to perform the act of his life. The act that could create or solve his problems. Four of the fingers placed right near the window button to unlock the door and the fifth finger supporting the grip onto the door. The left leg is ready to jump out or escape out of the door in a swift action to make it fast and easy do it. Being a lefty, he now has that chance to do his almost final act with left side of his body.
All the fingers acted to the occasion as needed and unlocked the door, all he is needs is a just a gentle push to open the door and jump. He held the door unopened for few moments before he memorizes all his deeds to remember this deed. Saying sorry to his family and loved ones, choosing his own path for its own way of results. He took a deep breath inside and took the call. His brain sent the impulse finally and probably it might be its last impulse that it may send to the body. All of a sudden, something ran into his spine like a flash, but then he did not stop and slightly made a push to the door.
Big Sound crashing sound came of the person kissing the smooth tar road, violent sounds of breaking ribs. Screeching sound of ripped off skin. A loud tap of the broken skull, skidding all the way until few meters ahead of the vehicle with a chance of the speeding vehicle to crush the body. A loud tyre screeching sound came with the sudden break by the able driver. All the people in the car shocked by the incident and the break as well at the same time and moved forth and back in a big jolt.
In a shock, they have seen the seat beside driver to be vacant and as most of them are girls they started gasping and someone too sensitive started crying thinking about the situation. The driver immediately got down to see the situation. Others in the cab were reluctant to see the scene adding up to sensitivity of the issue.
Many other vehicles stopped by to see the scene. There was not yet any police to visit the place as it was very sudden incident in the remote place of the ring road. Most of them were standing far away from the body, except one. That person kept bent low towards the body to see whether if that person is alive or not. He placed is left hand side fingers to check the breath as his right hand side was busy with holding the sling bag. His eyes opened in astonishment, after found that, the person got seriously injured but he is alive. Took out his 5 inch phone to ring for the ambulance, luckily, someone informed ambulance and it arrived there and then.
In a quick fashion, they transferred him to the stretcher. The ambulance people were swift enough to take fast action as they moved him inside and made the first aid. One of the ambulance person came back to him and took details for formalities.
He said. Turning back towards the driver, keeping signature using the car bonnet. All the cab mates and driver shocked to see, it was him who sat in the first seat.
As soon as the ambulance left he took his place in the seat calm. Astonished by what he has witnessed till now. His eyes forgot to blink and became red. The same fingers were now placed on the glass window to rest his arm. The same fingers which tried to end his life. The same fingers which struggled the fight between will power and mind.
At a moment all his tears, fears and pains vanished seeing at the scene. But he was equally proud to grab the moment and he thanked his senses for taking the call in one view. He escaped through the door swiftly in that moment as soon as he seen the skidding person’s body. His escape through the door and the driver’s break came a the same time, making others think he committed some foolish act. As it was an SUV, it was not visible what happened to whom. His left body which he thought would help in killing himself helped him to aid his hand for saving a life.
He felt proud of himself at that moment, not for saving a life. But killing the intense intention of killing himself at a peak of time. He wore his kind of half smile whenever he understands something in life, this one also came with left side of lips. After being understood the very deep purpose and meaning of life he breathed hard in satisfaction. He felt proud for that moment which he saved two lives at a single shot. One is his life and another one is that victim. He saved himself for rest of his life and for the life of his parents.
Win over the Innate Enemy:
That rare incident, made him understand how to and until where pain and depression to be limited. Although the pain was still persistent, he from then made a habit of expressing his good and bad feeling on a paper. He is none other than the proud presenter of this story, which is his very own in a great feat to gain inner enemies and act wise. After having a sound morning coffee at 6 am, my words flown to portray myself as ‘He’ the one residing in me. Proud to gain over the inner intentions and let those vomit out of my mind.
It is not a feat to give some message, but suicide is own of its special for anyone. It is result of your efforts and pain that come after disappointment. No one can understand or experience your feel except the very you. Until or unless you vomit or express that thought outside of your box, you get struggled with depression. It is no guarantee that another human can solve or console for your problems. It is in ‘Us’ to control our senses and justify our thoughts to get a right solution.
Well, enough of my message, but i dedicate this for all those people who have thoughts to end lives. I hope it reaches to the farmers out there too, who end lives in depression about the agriculture.
SUICIDE is the only coward act in the plant that needs lot of ‘Braveness’ to commit. But, if there is braveness to die, then there is equal chance to live brave till death. Messages are easy to give, but tough to understand and truth always come tough as death.