This short story is selected as Story of the Month Apr’2013 and won INR 1000 (US $20)
This story is selected as Editor’s Choice
Short Story – Diary of a Perilous Man
Photo credit: earl53 from morguefile.com
{Following diary entry is from a day of a man who has been ill for a long time. His illness is not known neither his background. The judgement or interpretation of his character are up to readers own accord.}
Day 3
The guilt has possessed me again. If it hadn’t been the troubling part we could have been the best friends. What a companion it has been!!!; always there, never caring I didn’t need him that much. When I opened my eyes today I saw a mosquito sitting on my left forearm, at peace. It must have been sleeping, for it was dead still and the day hadn’t set in yet. I kept staring at it and there I saw his peace; a peace that violated me, a peace that became the reason for his destruction. My other hand moved with not fury or anger but with malice and it struck into that life; and right there I liberated it from its sufferings (I am not sure if it wanted that freedom but these precariousness always lingers).
Does that make me evil? I thought but couldn’t come to any conclusion and so I diverted my thought towards the news that I read yesterday about a young boy who killed his fellow mate at his workplace and ran straight to the police telling them the whole story. The guilt might have had him too but do actions coerced by guilt confer a better ending? I don’t know. He was sent to the juvenile jail; whatever they might teach him it shouldn’t be about finding peace, because if it is, his destruction is imperative. You see, I’ve been at peace for years and slowly I have felt my own demise. I fail to understand why everyone seeks for peace? Peace belongs to the end. Never mind, I got up from the bed and went through the monotonous routine of ablutions and then waited for the breakfast to arrive. I was up early today and so didn’t really knew what to do with this morning. I looked outside and kept looking until my void reverie was broken by the knock at the door. The grimace looking young boy brought the breakfast and along with it a letter! I can tell you, in these sterile years of my illness many people have came by and spoken to me with their infallible words of grief and hope but never has a letter came. I opened the letter and was astounded to see that it was from a long forgotten friend whose name I somehow tend to remember but forming his image seemed an inconceivable task; so I bothered not. It read.
Dear boy
I am as much surprised writing this letter as you would be reading it. Why? It’s been long of course but when this evening I was ready to leave the bar I noticed how the scar on my neck had gradually subsided, it could only be noticed if you looked at it with grave attention. You remember the scar??? ah! why wouldn’t you!! You were its creator, if i may say. No! don’t get me wrong, I haven’t written you this letter to remind you of that terrible incident but to thank you for the great fruits that were borne after.
We were naive adults then, the one who were driven by impulse rather than rationale. The fight took place behind the city park outside those abandoned shop where we used to gather around usually for our meetings but that day there were only two of us. What instigated that fight I do not remember but we were venomous then, although for a brief period only. Luck must have been on your side, for you were able to get hold of that glass piece, otherwise I would have reciprocated the action. Right after the fight my mind was full of vengeance; I had vowed for the retribution and had been preparing for the right moment to confront you when suddenly I heard the news that you were gone. There was no news to when or why; it was as if you had slyly been contriving an escape fearing the consequence of the fight. I was disgruntled, I felt cheated; how could you run away?? I lay in disarray for hours in my room shouting about the injustice, whose victim I had become; but to no avail.
It was in the beginning of the fall when I heard about your residence in palace house near the great lake, you had been long gone and my spirit for vengeance had almost died away but it was all for my dislike and somewhat incapability for the work which reignited the fire of revenge. You were far away but known and my young rebellious blood were ready to level the matters with you. To come to you I needed resources, the prominent one being money; the fast way was to trick or to rob, so I chose the latter but my misfortune hit me once more. I was caught and captivated for three months; it infuriated me more. My attempt failed even before the plan was conceived but it did made my resolve, to get you, stronger. There I learnt the art of wood work and upon my release, I went straight to the shop where they made these wooden goods and asked them for work, I must say they were very impressed with my test for at once they asked me to start work but a living place had to be found first. I found it that evening only, in form of a room in abode of an old man; he understood my tribulation and allowed me to stay. My purpose was still to get you and with the complete intent to follow it I worked with supreme diligence and relentlessness; it took me another three months to gather the money, how I was going to do it I was still not very sure.
Finally, I got a chance when I got to know you would be there in the city ceremonial hall; I had everything ready ( I decided to use a knife to make a mark on you ), what better chance would be than to attack you publicly, let everyone see for themselves what you deserved but what!!! They stopped me at the grand entrance, they took me for a vagrant; what ignominy!! I still wasn’t there, I had misjudged my efforts, I needed to do more and so I did. This time I worked for five months, but another incident happened, in my passion for revenge I had worked with great results and so I was raised in ranks.
Things changed, I soon realized I could buy my own house; a small one though, and I did. I never felt such a sense of jubilation, your thought was almost sent into oblivion but sooner I regained it. All I was looking for now was another opportunity, another chance, because this time I knew I was stronger, better prepared, nothing was going to put hindrance now; and so it came. I got the news about your illness and about you being shifted to central hospital, it should have deterred me but it didn’t. I came to your city in all wellness with just an evil intent (evil… I say now but at that moment I didn’t thought this way, for it looked the more logical way).
I took up a room in one of the hotels near to your place and was ready to meet you next day in hospital. After such a struggle I was happy that the chance had presented itself in such a favourable manner. It was going to be easy I thought; no resistance at all and when you’d be released all would be well except that mark. I’ll escape with no one noticing, leaving you in agony and remorse for the past. My spirits were up once again.
Next day I was on one side of the road waiting for the traffic to pass when suddenly out of nowhere a young lady came in front of me, our eyes confronted for a moment and then she collapsed. I tried to get her up, shook her but she was burning, there was no way she could have responded. It all happened in utmost abruptness. Her eyes beseeched for help. I acted immediately and took her to the hospital; yes, the central hospital. I completely forgot then that we were so close. The staff kept asking me questions, kept me engaged in the formalities, had me running to get the medicines and all the paraphernalia’s, I did…. I did it all without realizing the chance I had to get you.
It was late that night when doctor gave the news of her regaining consciousness and it was then only any other thought intruded my mind along with relief; you were already gone. I wasn’t furious at all, it was mostly because my energy and thoughts had been drained by that girl. It took her another three days to speak, I was there all the time; I had no valid reason to but I was. I had to take her back home with me, she had no place to be and still needed a lot of attention. so, I kept her with me; I worked and took care of her and as inevitable it was…. we fell in love. We married and our love blossomed. It still does. Your part was forgotten the day our love started.
So you see my friend however unlikely it may seem but you are the hero of my story. The most precious of my belongings, I owe it to you. I heard later that your illness stayed and I grieve and hope you’ll be fine soon.
Your friend
D
I went numb for a while after reading that letter; I stood and stared at it. A hero!!! These utterly futile years had compelled me to believe that life held no more purpose, that I was extending it for no meaning; and suddenly, I was a protagonist in someone else’s story. Who’s? My foe…. (Not now of course). What cruelty!!! all of the things desired by me were now in possession of someone else and by what means?!! God does make mistakes, I never had been a depraved man, never wished for ill of others ( just a few fights and abuses… but that’s bound to happen to a human… ), so what was I punished for? And why a man who intended to seek revenge with malice was rewarded? The truth as I see is existence in any form is meant to be miserable. I was completely rattled by the thoughts and I was envious of that man.
An act of my violence led to peace of someone else. ‘A cruel fate’ is all that I could conclude. A great energy was flowing into me; and now as I write I realize that it hasn’t happened for so many years now. I wanted to destroy everything and I wanted to see everything get destroyed. But then, again there was a knock on the door and again the grimace looking boy came in, this time to collect the plate. He saw the plate untouched and looked towards me; he must have seen the turbulence in my eyes for he just said “I’ll come in later” and left. I don’t know how but that boy calmed me, I strolled around the room a little with blank thoughts and then decide to eat. I kept the letter in a box in my cupboard and sat to eat. I didn’t do much after that.
I still don’t remember the reason of the fight but I do remember the incident. I didn’t intended to harm him to that effect I did, I regretted it soon after that incident ( but never reconciled with him ) but I don’t regret it now for how could he have achieved what he has now. I hope you live with joy my friend.
So long.
__END__
