Short Story – Discernment
Photo credit: doctor_bob from morguefile.com
It wasn’t just too long ago when I left the convent of the Carmelite Nuns. I had my first discernment in this congregation for 10 days. I was an aspirant for that short period of time. September 11, 2013, I entered and spent my 25th birthday in the cloister. The nuns with their Prioress, welcomed me with their smile. That day when I got off from a taxi cab, that fulfilling feeling that you were used to be afraid of, was just suddenly replaced with so much excitement. It took days for me to decide, but I was already settled by the time I remembered my childhood dream.
It started when I had a teacher in my Christian Value Education subject. I hated that class for having a strict teacher. I was just a 5th grader student full of curiosity. My school both in elementary and secondary are run by Benedictine Missionary Nuns. My school is a Catholic school. We always started our day with prayers. One time, our teacher asked us to write some questions about the lives of the Nuns. It was really an interesting activity, and that was the best activity I’ve ever had in my childhood life. I hated this subject but believe me, I was like a little angel when I wrote those questions in my paper. Just when I about to submit it to my teacher, I saw my classmates’ paper. I submitted three sheets of paper and of course, my teacher were amazed. A student like me?, insensitive, stubborn, lazy, and etc. wrote those things. WOW!, my teacher reacted. “I think you like to become a nun someday (and smile at me)”, she added. I didn’t say anything, co’z I didn’t really like her.
To make the story short, I approached a nun when I was a high school kid. I was just so lucky to share what I truly felt of becoming a nun. Unfortunately, the nun declined my request. I was still a kid and still uncertain of my decision. The nun told me to wait till my vocation get stronger. And so I waited. My desire of entering the religious life was withering as I grew old, till I finished my collegiate course.
I got my first job, three months after my graduation. I had worked as a teacher, teaching English for non-native speakers. I had really enjoyed my life and had forgotten the vocation I once desired, not until those days of agony. I often went to the church and attended Holy Mass with my family. That day when I got that feeling which I seemed to be so familiar. It took time for me to realize that, I used to have this kind of desire to be a religious woman. Since then, I always distracted myself just to get rid of this thought. I knew the challenges if this will keep stronger. But our Lord is just so powerful to not let you go easily.
I’m working now in another company. The feeling is still the same. The desire has gotten stronger, so I decided to talk to a Nun. I went to the Carmelite Monastery and had a long conversation with the Prioress. The challenge was not really easy. Patience and Passion were the strongest keys. My parents and relatives were strongly opposed to my decision. I prayed and prayed till our Lord heard my prayers. And I was just so thankful to be given a 10 day discernment.
(to be continued)
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