Article – Woman Bound By Mangalsutra
Photo credit: taliesin from morguefile.com
When it was time to groom me for marriage, my mother said, “Don’t try to change your husband. His characters are those of which he has had all his life. The only way to make a marriage work is for you to change yourself to his liking.”
Are not my characters those which I had all my life? Should I not expect him to compromise with me.
Our forefathers were alpha males. The reigned over women. A wife, then, serviced to his need, without a voice of her own. A woman, then, was not expected to be literate, educated or to know the ways of the world.
Many mothers did not want that life for their daughters. They sent them out to school, to college, exposed them to life outside of home, allowed them to interact with persons other than family, permitted them to live alone, allowed them to have a job, to make a living, to open a bank account, to buy themselves all that they need. They gave them the chance to taste freedom.
But what then? When the girl turns twenty, she is forced into listening to her parents discussing possible alliance, men she has never heard of. She is told to learn to be a suitable wife by cooking, cleaning, washing, and being respectful of her husband. If this was the life destined for her, why then did her parents provide her with an education? With independence? Is it just take it all away from her in return for a chain made of many karats of gold weighing highly in pounds? With just this one valuable ornament women are ripped off everything they moulded themselves to be.
Don’t judge yet, my ancestors and elders. Reading this you might think I am a spawn of Satan trying to come between a man and woman bound in holy matrimony. I can assure you, that isn’t my intention. I just want some questions answered is all.
Let me start with this one. All our lives you tell us time and time again, don’t talk to strangers and avoid having males as friends, why then is it ok to marry a man you choose, whom we have never known except maybe for a photograph in hand or his basic information from a matrimonial website?
Next, after we are married why is it expected of the woman to serve the husband? Place his food on his plate, wash his dishes, fold away his clothes? One should respect her husband, you would say. Is it so horrible for the husband to be respectful of us and take part in these activities? For a fact, having a meal together, instead of eating alone after the man is done, helping each other wash dishes and put away clothes, brings a man and a woman closer in so many levels.
Finally, if I am as well-educated as him, coming from a highly respected family as his, earning decent income just as he does, having the ability to contribute to running a family, then why cannot I be treated and respected just as he is. Why is it that he is still a ‘man’ and me just a woman? Is it because he can drive a car? Maybe not as swiftly but women drive cars too. Is it because he is stronger and keep us and our children? There is no reason to believe women cannot do the same after all we have the same adrenaline rush in times of danger and a heavier maternal instinct to protect our offspring. Is it because you have bigger feet? That is just science, gentlemen. And science doesn’t prove bigger feet is equally to higher dominance.
I write these words with an intention for a change. My unanswered questions are hanging in the void. But even as I conclude, I know in near future I too will be bound in matrimony, with just a mangalsutra deciding my fate.
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