Mr.Lonely

I feel cold breeze on my face, my vision is still hazy,is it morning already or is it still night. Either way I don’t want to wake up.

Raj … Raj wakeup or else you will be late for office. Raj come on now you are not kid wakeup.

I just want act sleeping for 5 more minutes to listen to her sweet voice, but wait a second sandhya?!!!

I woke up in a second.  “ahhh! my neck “

This old body can’t take a slightest twist. The pain brought  me back to senses . Not the pain in my sprained neck but the pain of the fact that there is no Sandhya and the fact that I am alone.

*********

Losing your loved ones is always difficult and moving on in life takes a lot of time. But Rajshekar’s problem is not about moving on. It is about  where to move on. Being a 72 year old with all the memories of past he sees no end and lives day by day cursing his existence.

*********

“Sir , I have cooked you food, do not forget to eat”, the maid shouted and left.

Another day and I am still alive. Food is before me but I am not hungry. Time is before me and I don’t know what to do with it. May be this is a punishment for me. I turned towards sandhya’s photo on the wall and asked her “Are you punishing me ? Did I hurt you in anyway that you don’t want me to come to you?”

There is nothing but silence around and I was just staring at her picture. Then I came to remember that sandhya always wanted me to go with her to temple. She always said that God gives us whatever we need. I never believed in him. May be I should ask him.

I went to the temple and in my heart first I argued with him and then I pleaded him and then I begged him to take me away from this lonely life and he was just smiling back at me. I came back home.

There was just loneliness and silence inviting me. I was just staring at sandhya’s photo and time moved on, then suddenly I felt like something within me was pulling me inside, my eyes were open but I was not able to see her photo. May be this is death, thank god he really listened to me. Sandhya I am coming to you, at last the angel of death came to embrace me.

*******

Once again I felt something cold on me, someone is standing before me , but it is all hazy. Is it sandhya?

“I am not sandhya uncle , it’s me karthik , uncle……….. uncle…………… can you hear me?”

Yes I can hear you because I am the most ill fated person who is left to suffer in this loneliness. Why is it karthik ? why am I not dying?

Karthik :  come on uncle , it’s been 5 years that sandhya aunty died and you are still living like it was yesterday.

That is my problem it’s been 5 years and I am still living. If I died in her place , she couldn’t even live for an year and here I am still living.

Karthik : first thing  uncle, you are not an immortal. So don’t call your life a punishment. Second thing , you have shown a lot of improvement , you fainted five times in last three days and the no of bottles of brandy you are drinking, I think you are not too far away from death.

Don’t take it as a joke. You have seen nothing , you have not experienced what it is like to lose your loved ones . You think living alone in an unknown city is loneliness? Ask me what is like to be lonely.

Karthik : why don’t you go to America ,to your daughter’s place ?

Everyone is busy in their life, I went there , I have seen it. It’s the same loneliness there. Here I at least have sandhya’s memories.

Karthik : memories are in our head uncle not in a place. I think even in her memories she didn’t want to see you like this. Here is this month’s rent and have some food and medicine at least for her sake.

That evening:

 I made some coffee for myself  and I saw one of my neighbor at the gate. She asked me “ Is karthik alright?”

What happened to him. She replied in a surprising tone “ his leg had a bandage and his friend’s helped him home and he was limping, don’t you know? They just brought him an hour before.”

You see I am an old man now I don’t even know when I am awake and asleep. so, I didn’t know you go and see him.

In my heart I was a bit happy that he got punished for mocking my suffering. Then I saw a lot of neighbors coming to see him. Hours passed and the people were still coming to see him, neighbors, his friends and even his boss. I did not expect these many people would love him even with the kind of attitude he has.

It was 9’oclock and I had my supper. I was feeling a little guilty. Even though he felt no empathy for my feelings, he helped me when I was unconscious and it is not that he is a bad boy. He always gave rent on time and was always ready to help even before my asking. So I went upstairs to see him.

How is your leg now?

Karthik:  Num with this big bandage , so I don’t feel anything.

Same straightforward foolish answer with that innocent smile. That smile made me feel even more guilt.

I am sorry karthik. I did not come to see you in the evening and I am sorry that I felt a bit happy that you had an accident. It’s so foolish of me, just because we had an argument in morning I hated you. I really sorry that’s not the proper behavior for my age.

Karthik: Someone has said it right , once people become old they behave like kids. There is no need to feel sad about it now uncle. And about morning’s argument you were right. I did not experience losing someone close to me, because I didn’t even know how I lost them or they were close to me or not.

What? What are you saying?

Karthik: I don’t even remember my parents, people said me that they died in a car accident. my teacher brought me up for a while and then he was also gone.

So your also alone like me.

Karthik : No I am not. Not in this 25 years of life and will not be alone ever after. You see uncle I am not boasting looking at the no.of people who came to see me till now. It is because my teacher always used say one who lives for others is never alone.

So you want me to live for others.

Karthik : I am no one to direct you uncle. And we are not the only people who are alone. All our old neighbors are alone , all their children got settled in abroad and they to don’t have anyone. Even the other people who have families feel lonely at some point of time in a day when people don’t show concern to them.

So you mean everyone is lonely and suffering same like me.

Karthik : not everyone. Those suffer whose life revolves around things like I , me and myself. The one who lives for he , they and them is not alone and he is neither afraid of being alone.

*********

Next morning

I feel slight pain in my knee. It’s already 7’o clock. I woke carefully from my bed . whose that at the door?

Rajshekar : it’s me Raj, uncle I brought you some coffee.

THE END