The girl with the scar

Anshu held her hair away and scrutinized her face, especially the left side. The mirror flashed the scars back at her. She flinched at the repulsive sight. Worse, they never failed to bring back memories of the crash, and of her parents’ bloodied, frozen faces. She blinked rapidly, swallowing the tears inside.

“Anshu, are you ready?” her aunt called out.

“Coming mausiji…”

Anshu brushed her long mane, carefully covering the scars up. She walked out trying to feel confident and noticed her aunt appraising her. Quietly Anshu tugged at her T-shirt, pulling them over her narrow hips.

“Let’s go,” was all aunt said and strode ahead.

“Looking gorgeous, Di,” Priya, Anshu’s cousin complimented with a wink, “Someone will be impressed,” she knew her secret.

Shushing her, Anshu glanced at her aunt, hoping she hadn’t heard. She hadn’t.

“Are you sure you can return on your own?”

“Yes, mausiji. I’ll come with my friends.”

“Okay, dear,” she replied, but Anshu didn’t miss the concern in her voice.

Anshu caressed her hair as she got down from the car, making sure the scars were beneath them. A city college was hosting a fair and their entire class was attending. She usually kept away, but this time, Kavita had insisted.

“Anshuuuu,” Kavita called out loudly, “Looking good yaar. Open hair and all. What happened to your pigtails?”

Kavita’s comment made the other girls laugh and Anshu felt her cheeks grow hot. She just smiled and again touched her hair to be sure. It had been just a year in this school, in this city. Her new friends didn’t know about her face. She always kept them hidden behind her hair, tied up carefully. But today, she wanted it to be special. They were celebrating the end of their tenth boards. And then, Palaash would also be there. Palaash, Mr. Popular, one of her two friends. He was good at sports and terrible at studies.

“If not for your notes, Anshu …” he often told her.

“Girls…” Palaash walked up to them, hands spread out.

He looked so handsome today, in his denims and sunglasses. No wonder so many girls were after him. Anshu smiled shyly as their eyes met and he winked.

Sometime during the day, he whispered into her ear, “Looking cute …,” and she had blushed.

The day went well for Anshu. She tagged along with her classmates and enjoyed doing whatever they chose to do. She received many compliments and each time, she touched her hair and smiled. By closing time, couple hours later, she was exhausted and elated. Her misgivings about moving to a bigger town seemed to finally abate.

“Anshu,” she heard Palaash call her from behind even as she walked away with Kavita.

Smiling, she swivelled around, for the first time forgetting her hair. It flew around her face with the movement and came to rest on her right shoulder. Palaash had his phone held up and he clicked. The shock on his face made her realize what had happened. She flailed her hands to set things right, but almost everyone had noticed. Turning around hastily, she ran out into the street. If Kavita followed, she didn’t know. Stopping the first auto in sight, Anshu got in and drove off home in tears.

As if that humiliation wasn’t enough, she had to face an online retribution as well.

“Didi,” Priya called her out apprehensively. She was seated in front of the computer.

“What happened, Priya?” Anshu walked over to her side.

“See … this …,” Priya was on Facebook, and was viewing a picture.

One glance and she knew. The scars weren’t clearly visible behind her hands struggling with her hair, but anyone could make out it was her. She was even tagged! A long list of comments followed.

“Palaash …,” hissed Anshu.

Priya chewed her nails while Anshu seethed inside, reading the snide comments. Priya tried to talk to her, and she light-heartedly told her about the incident, joking that finally the cat was out of the bag. They giggled and Priya moved on to other posts. But Anshu’s heart was now filled with hatred for all her friends. She longed to escape, longed to go far away, even if just for a while. She thought of her grandparents, her Dada and Dadi, and their house in the village where she often had spent her vacations.

+++

“Doll, why do you always keep your hair like that? I can hardly see your face,” her grandma asked her one day, fondly rubbing her oiled fingers on Anshu’s scalp.

“Nothing Dadi.”

“Is it the fashion these days?”

When Anshu kept quiet, nibbling her lower lip, her Dadi asked again, “Are you hiding something? Hiding those scars?”

Drops of tears slid down her cheeks. She hugged her grandma and cried in her lap.

“Did you know your mother thought she had a large nose?” grandma gently asked her.

Anshu lifted her tear-stained face and shook her head, “But she didn’t. She was so beautiful.”

“Exactly! No one is perfect dear, we all have our scars. Yet, it is our inner self that makes us beautiful.”

+++

Anshu returned the day before the results came out. Not surprisingly, she had topped the school. In fact, she turned out to be the city-topper. Calls streamed in. But, she was still not talking to her friends. She still couldn’t forget the FB post. Then one day a local newspaper wanted to interview her. But Anshu couldn’t bring herself to do it. After all, it would mean pictures of her for all to see.

“Anshu, what has happened?” her aunt asked, “Is it about that Facebook thing?”

When Anshu looked up in surprise, her aunt nodded and told her she knew.

“Forget the comments. Those people are just jealous. We all think you’re a beautiful person.”

“You think so, because you’re my mausi. My friends think otherwise.”

Her mausi sighed and left her alone. But that evening, when she returned from work, she brought along a surprise – Kavita and Palaash! Taken aback, Anshu meekly greeted her friends.

“Congratulations,” they said in unison, eyeing her warily.

“Do they think I’ll bite?” Anshu thought, suddenly realizing her face was exposed behind a tightly bound ponytail. She tugged and opened it.

“Thanks. Would you like anything?” she asked, thinking angrily, “Maybe poison?”

Just then her aunt walked in with glasses of cold drinks.

“Anshu, ask them what they think of you.”

Anshu stiffened, tightened her lips into a thin line and looked at her friends. They were still staring at her, eyes opened wide like frightened children.

“Anshu…,” Kavita hesitated, “mausiji told us about your… that accident and scars. Why didn’t you ever tell us? Why did you hide them?” she sounded offended.

“You saw what happened when they showed? Didn’t you? It was all over Facebook,” Anshu lashed out, “And what did everyone do? Make fun? Sympathize? Why? Just because I am ugly?”

She paused for breath, then continued.

“And wasn’t it you who started it all?” she accused Palaash with venom in her eyes.

“No, he didn’t,” Priya piped in.

“He had clicked my picture…”

“Anshu, that wasn’t me,” he took out his mobile and tapped around, “If I had, it would have been this pic.”

Anshu glanced at the picture. Her face was aglow in the setting sun even as her hair flew across it. It looked stunning. Anshu was speechless.

“It was Amit who had posted. We made him take it down,” Kavita pitched in.

“Yeah, and I gave him a piece of my mind too,” Palaash grinned cheekily and balled his palm into a fist, “Look I am not good with words. But you’re a nice person, those scars or not. I owe my grades to you.”

 

“Vanita,” Anshu’s uncle called out to his wife, “I have the cosmetic surgeon’s office on line. He has a slot available tomorrow. Shall I confirm?”

Her aunt looked at Anshu and raised her eyebrows.

“Tomorrow? Not tomorrow. I have an interview to give. Maybe some other day,” Anshu smiled, tying her hair back.

The scars would always bring back sad memories, and maybe she would lose them one day. But for now, she wouldn’t let them take control of her.

+++

Author’s note-

This story is dedicated to all young girls who think they’re not pretty enough. Maybe it’s their complexion, or their weight or some facial feature. Having myself been through this adolescent insecurity, I understand now that physical appearance is a small part of being oneself. True beauty lies within; it has the power to mask all external scars.

__END__