It wasn’t a happy marriage by any stretch. Daily fights that reverberated in both of our heads in the silence at the dinner table. There were many things we both had said to each other, since the day we married, during the day. Things that aggravated me and irritated her. And many that were whispered by us into the empty space besides both of us; into the night, hoping it will find its way into the rightful ear.
But they got lost in the constant barrage of noise around us. I wasn’t part of the noise, like my other half. I liked solitude, she liked noisy outings. I ,wine and a romantic dinner, she, a visit to the nearby dhaba. Until she got pregnant and miscarried. Our whole world turned upside down. Soon our choices began to vary and then completely reversed. I began to visit the nearby pub exploding with people for the silence from our constant arguments. The same one we’ve been having past 4 months. Who killed the child?.
In my defence it was her smokes . In her’s it was the fact that I was too quiet, too weak to let her know it all in advance. However the truth eluded us under a cover of denial. The more I implored her too see otherwise, the more she receded into the corner. Facing the window. Glum faced. Till her face froze. I tried to be as warm as I could be. But it wasn’t me who she needed now.
Avinash ,she started whispering into the night. Screaming his name. Questioning him. His motives. A woman scorned ,that’s who she was. And that’s why I’m here. To make sure that the smile be returned to its rightful owner. Blood flowed across the white pristine floor ,which I mistook for a mirror. It reached the tip of my shoe and segregated, like a girl’s plaits. Like all the girls who had been abused with smacking lips by this predator who lay in front of me ,his chest torn open, missing a heart.
Avinash. I looked down at the source of constant thumping in my right hand. Into the microwave it went. And off came my gloves , I usually use to perform the caesarean. The last argument we had, supressed the traffic outside. The Car glided into a dream state, flowing into an abyss, where the Only 2 people would be me and her. Us and our voices echoing across the black vacuum.
The car stopped and I stumbled outside, seizing reality and suddenly seeing double. I sneezed into the cup of my hand and smelt cheap alcohol. I staggered upstairs , to find the front door ajar ,the tube light blinding me. I cared no more for pain. I was impervious to it already. I stepped inside and closed the door ,ready to face the infinite white walls all by myself.
I guess the only thing that reminds me of her now ,is the note she had left behind .An apology letter too pure to burn or throw away. I smile whenever I see it. In the blind hope, that she never runs into another Avinash again.
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