[Apparition – Short Story with Unusual Experience]
Unable to bear the pain even under heavy dose of sedatives and sleeping pills, he opened the red cloth cover of brownish small clay pot, poured out the ash from it to his right hand’s palm, and wished one and only one wish of his life to meet her… NOW!!!
***
Andrew was very happy when his research topic on Indian aghori sadhus was chosen by his professor for doctorate thesis. As part of his thesis, he had already gathered enough information about aghoris and their extreme ritual worship practices. He found these practices quite intriguing: residing at charnel ground, consuming food and drink with opiates, hallucinogens and cannabis products, and performing tantric sexual rituals. Finally he decided to go to India to visit and meet aghoris in City of Banaras.
When he told his plan to Susane, she got very scared and did everything, in her utmost capability, to stop him. But he preferred quenching his inquisitiveness to agreeing to his ten years old love. However he did not want to hurt her feeling just before his adventure. In last 10 years they had never been away from each other, not even for a day. Every day was a brand new day for their love. They always felt newness in their love. Every night was very special – cuddling in each other’s arms and feeling lot of love and passion for each other. He precisely knew what best could bring smile on her face. He could not forget her white blushing face with wet blue eyes when he entered in Susane’s office, kneeled down on floor, held her hand gently and proposed,
“Will you marry me?”
***
When he sat in plane to New Delhi, he was very excited – difficult to say what was going in his mind: was it his marriage that was schedule three weeks later, immediately after his return, or was it his research work on aghoris, clicking unimaginable photographs of pyres, and discussing with aghoris about their intense ritual to attain moksha? Days in Banaras were passing as he had planned. Whole days he was wandering in narrow streets of Banaras saving himself from sea of rickshaws, stray cows and dogs. He purchased many gifts for Susane – earrings, bangles, bindis, churidars… even red color Banarasi Sari. He fantasized her wearing the red sari on their first night. “Just seventeen more days” he consoled himself with a teeny smile.
Nights were not as easy as he thought. He never believed in any supernatural power but night sight of Markandika charnel ground at bank of Ganges brought cold waves in his spine. His first translator got so scared that after first night he left. Two days were wasted in finding another translator. Finally Andrew’s effort paid. He met a group of aghoris who were first reluctant to talk to him. But after a week, considering his relentless effort coming every night and pursuing them for discussion, they agreed. They told him about aghor state to be primordial and universe. They also preached him necessity for unlearning deeply internalized cultural models. They enlighten him about karma and moksha.
Everything he learned was so novel, so scientific, so unique, so different, so philosophical… that he almost forgot who he was and what he was doing there in Banaras. Eventually the night came when he had to bid adieu to his divine friends. Chief of the sadhus blessed him with a brownish small clay pot covered with red cloth and tied with garland of already dried marigold petals and small pieces of mango’s leafs,
“My son, this ash from pyre is our blessing to you. Anything, whatsoever and whenever, you wish by pouring the ash in your right hand’s palm, you will get that instantly. But do remember two points that it works only once, and that it works on universal principle of law of conservation – nothing can be totally newly created or completely destroyed, you get something at cost of other.”
***
It was the night he had been dreaming for last many days – his first night. But Susane was no more in this world. A day before, she, her parents and her sister all died in a road accident while they were coming to the town for the marriage. Few hours back he was with her – for her funeral. It was so painful to see her in coffin on the day of their marriage that he fainted on her grave. He did not know how he came to his house. He was under influence of high dose sedatives. He entered in his bedroom and saw his bed where Susane and he together spent more than three thousands nights. He took out everything he purchased for her, for this very special day, and started throwing them one by one on his bed: red color Banarasi Sari, matching color bangles and earring, incense stick with exotic scent… suddenly he stopped when he looked at the mysterious clay pot blessed to him by the chief of aghori sadhus.
Unable to bear the pain even under heavy dose of sedatives and sleeping pills, he opened the red cloth cover of brownish small clay pot, poured out the ash from it to his right hand’s palm, and wished one and only one wish of his life to meet her… NOW!!!
Suddenly a misty figure appeared on the bed. He could feel Susane standing very close to him… wrapped in red Banarasi Sari… her face was white and pale… just like marble in moon light… her lips were not pink as it used to be… they were dark and grey same as the color of the ash in his hand… her eyes were lifelessly blue… The shape moved forward and touched his forehead gently… His body felt unbearable pain in left part of its chest… but the pleasure he was getting was immense.
The empty clay pot slipped away from his hand and was lying broken on floor. Two misty figures slowly drifted away through window, mingling with each other to become one… for ever…
__END__
