NIGHTWALK

It was hard to find my wallet in that dim red light of the zero watt bulb. Also, Mahesh had just slept; I didn’t want him to wake. I could not use my mobile’s light; it was already running out of battery. Keeping it on the desk, I tried opening the first drawer slowly, with a gentle pull, but it wasn’t helping; it was rusted. So, I pulled it with a jerk that made a glassy sound, inside it were empty bottles of vodka. That disturbed Mahesh, as he turned his side, but then he slept facing the opposite wall. Keeping that open, I proceeded to the second one, this was smooth; I guess we used it frequently. After tapping for a few seconds, as I could hardly see anything inside, below the opened first drawer, I found my wallet. While taking out through the slit space between opened drawers, my hand brushed against my wrist watch, I took it too. I quickly kept the wallet in my jeans back pocket and wore my watch. Suddenly, my mobile made a loud vibrating sound, it was on silent mode, but still it didn’t serve its purpose sometimes.

Mahesh woke up “Aee yaar, what the f**k are you messing up with, please let me sleep.”
I wanted to say sorry to him, but my mind was preoccupied with the thought about that message from Priety, that I saw on my mobile screen just before the display light turned off.

I was eagerly waiting for that message a minute earlier, but I feared to read it now. I stood there silent, guessing what it would turn into, will it make me happy or…..or.. I didn’t even want to think about the other option.

Picking it from the desk, I moved towards the door, when Mahesh shouted “Lock it from outside, so that when your Laila Majnu talks are over, you can get in, and please sneak in quietly.”

Mahesh didn’t know what happened between Priety and me a few hours ago.

I was going to see that message after I move out of my room, but those words pinched me to press the ‘View message’ button.

It was:

From: Priety

I am sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore. I hope you will understand the importance of your life someday.

I didn’t know how to react to that one. It was my first break up. My heart started beating faster. People say that when a guy breaks up from a long relationship, mine was a year long; he starts drinking or smoking a lot. But what was I suppose to do, I had done them a lot already…and truly speaking a lot means …A LOT…they were like…routine for me, a routine of every hour.

So, I just kept the mobile back on the desk, and started walking out of the room.

Mahesh saw me doing that, so he asked “Oh ho, no mobile, what happened, no balance?”

My life was off balance, and here he was talking about mobile balance!

I didn’t want to respond to that, I desperately wanted to smoke. So, avoiding the talk, smiling at Mahesh, I stepped towards the door again.

But Mahesh’s talks weren’t over yet “Where are you going?”

I didn’t know what to tell, the thing was that I just wanted some fresh air, some fresh air with some nicotine in it. So, I just said “Night walk.”

Mahesh “Night walk! Buddy, its 2am, you would better call it as Morning walk.”
I just smiled to that and quickly moved out of my room.

My room was on 4^th floor of hostel and our lobby was the busiest of all, full of chronic failing seniors and some junior followers too. I walked a few steps and then suddenly..F**k! I was hit badly on my groin, ohh f**k! That was intense..aaa.

Pressing the victimized site firmly, I just sat down. The senior who was batting, came over laughingly and asked “Hey, I am sorry yaar, you okay?”

I “Yes sir, my future children just got saved by an inch.”

The lobby cricket has always been a traumatizing game for me. I still remember that impossible instance. I was batting and last five deliveries had gone dot balls. I was really charged to hit the next one a bullet shot. As soon as the bowler threw the ball, I swung the bat and to my surprise it was a Yorker ball, right in the block hole. And then what, I just hit the bat in my left leg. It was so painful that I just slipped and fell on the ground. A few minutes later, my ankle was swollen and I was off the lobby for a week or so.

But this time, somehow after some painful moments, I got up and moved to the stairs, limping through the lobby. The pain of having lost Priety was too much than this bodily pain.

It took me some painful minutes to move out of the hostel. The watchman in his small office was sleeping over his wooden chair, with his legs straightened over a small stool in front. His head was such that it made me doubt his neck muscles existence. His was the best job, as he didn’t have to keep an eye on inmates moving out or in at any time of the day, as we, being doctors didn’t have any specific timings of work.

After a short walk past the hospital building, moving out of casualty department I reached the lane outside hospital campus. I didn’t have any plans as to what I was going to do in this city. I just wanted to walk and walk thinking about her, analyzing why it all happened a few hours ago.

But to get into the pool of thoughts, I needed to smoke. But at this hour, I thought I didn’t have a chance to get an open shop, so I just started walking towards Sandhurst Road railway station, it was some 20 minutes walk from my college. Keeping my head low looking at the tar road, with somewhat heavy eyes, with each step, I kept on moving backwards on the timeline.

I remember the conversation started at around 12 am, when I called her to inform about the morning classes. Usually, our night call used to be an hour long, which now I think used to be some nonsense talks, but tonight, she was trying to keep it short, with short answers like “hmm..ok…thik hai”. So I just asked her the reason to which she replied saying “nothing” as if she was avoiding me.

It annoyed me when someone avoided me and it was not just this time, so I gave an obvious response “who the hell do you think you are? I have been observing recently that you are treating me like…like I am your purse, just hanging by your side, carrying your stuffs.”

In reply, she continued with her usual escape talks blaming me for being over possessive and over demanding.

When she told those words, I understood the reason for it and yes, I knew I acted a little possessive, but it was natural to behave that way, when you find your girlfriend going out with your friend for a movie.

Thinking about being over demanding, a smile naturally came over my face, as I knew I always demanded some extra time every time we had sex, and so I truly accepted that tag, and somewhere in my mind, I was proud of it.

That smile there at the midnight hour was reciprocated by a drug addict sitting by a roadside, dressed or rather it would be precise to say, covered in some cloth, hair overgrown, with an extended sort of smile and eyes hardly open. He had a small paper in his hand, on which he sniffed something and then kept it back in a plastic bag and hid it under a broken tile. I knew what it was. I would call it a sure ‘bliss’. I was sure it was Ganja, I had sniffed it a few times, at hostel. The best experience till date, I must tell you.

Good days those were, till Priety entered the frame, because she was against all my best stuff, which she directed as ‘BAD’ ones. I was feeling good somehow, for not having her in my life.

I looked at my watch, it was 3.15 am. Mumbai is a place that never sleeps, well that’s true as per my observation till now, the lanes weren’t deserted, the lights were still on in some of the windows, and the vehicles were still there moving. And there were many like me walking by, you don’t feel alone. Just then a man arrived with his can of tea, on a bicycle, ringing the bell. I bought a cutting from him and moved ahead, drinking sips of it.

Lost in the thought again, I remember, at around 1 am, after having a fighting conversation, where she was just pointing out my flaws, she scolded me for my drinking habit. There I think she pushed my anger button again. I always have been treated like a rejected person in my family, college gatherings, or any so called social place, for my drinking habit. But I think, the only thing that made me happy was liquor. It was impossible for me to stop drinking and I didn’t like anyone telling me to do that. So, I told her to shut her mouth and gave her an option to leave me, if she couldn’t accept me with my flaws. Telling that, I kept silent waiting for her words, and at the same time, regretted having said that. For a minute or so, even she didn’t say anything, but then she said with a wavy voice, as if she was about to cry “Makarand, I never thought it would be so easy for you to say that.”

“Haha…chhokro pakko gando chhe (that guy is really mad)”. Suddenly, that loud voice caught my attention. Some local guy was speaking loudly in Gujarati at this wee hour. They were standing near a boiled egg stack, where a person was also selling cigarettes and ghutkas. I thought finally my search was getting over, to have a puff. Throwing the empty plastic glass, I took out a 50 rupee note out of my wallet, just before reaching the place, because I didn’t want anyone to have a look at my money loaded wallet, just didn’t want to have any problem for myself. When I bought a packet of cigarettes, a beggar sitting next to a gutter was looking at me. He was old with just a shirt over his body. His skin stuck to his bones, eyes sunken, and he had a gangrenous foot. He extended his hands towards me, asking for some money I guess. How many people one can help in this city. It is full of such people; one can find them in every gully. And also, I had to do with my pocket money for the whole month. Feeling pity for that guy, I lit the first cigarette for the night and moved ahead towards the station.

The first puff made me feel like I was in heaven; I was feeling light. The puffs came more frequently as I proceeded. I had almost finished my 3^rd cigarette till I reached the station, which meant it took me just 5 minutes to do that.

The next train to Mumbai was at 4 am, still 15 minutes left. So, I sat on a bench on the station. I didn’t bother for the ticket; I knew no one would be there to check me at this time of day. Just then two women dressed in a glary saree with a backless blouse sat on the adjacent bench. Our eyes met as they sat, after which I turned my gaze, but I could feel that they were still looking at me. Out of anxiety, I turned my eyes to them, in steps. Yes, they were still looking at me. They were not so beautiful, but their body figure compensated for that. While I was scanning them, one of them turned her pony in front, while the other pulled her saree edge over her blouse; both gave me a smile. Their overdone make up and their red lips surely indicated that they were prostitutes. I was looking at them, but my mind once again was thinking about Priety. She too had a great body; curves at the right places. I still can’t forget her touch. I still remember each and every second of the awesome night that we had spent on Valentine’s Day. I was now starting to feel sorry for breaking up with her, but then in just a few minutes, that feeling vanished, as the thought came in that there were so many such girls in this world, who were far better than her.

Time passed by watching at the pros, and the train arrived. I boarded he train, while the ladies stayed at the station. The coach was empty. The train started. Winking to them, standing at the door of moving train, I took out my 8^th cigarette, and then the 9^th one and by the time I was about to reach Mumbai station, I was puffing the 10^th one. I was feeling the air blowing over my face. I took a long puff, when suddenly I felt a strong thump like pain in my head. I held it firmly and sat then and there. It took a few seconds for that pain to settle down, I think that puff and the want of sleep did that. While I was sitting there, the train stopped. When I looked outside, it was a few meters away from the station. Many a times, it happens that the train has to wait just before getting on the platform, for the signal. The commuters were getting down. I waited, but then after a few seconds, I too boarded off and started walking on the tracks. In the whole headache episode, don’t know where, the last cigarette fell off my hands.

I walked through the tracks and platform to reach the lane just out of the Mumbai station. Walking surely helped me get over the break up till now. But still, I wanted some more cigarettes, but I wasn’t having any left, so I looked for any open store. I thought it would be easier to find one now, as it was nearing dawn now. I turned my left hand to look for the time in my wrist watch, but to my surprise, it wasn’t there on my wrist. I felt worried and started searching for it in my pockets, but it wasn’t there too. I walked backwards searching for it on the footpath, if it had fallen somewhere. Surprisingly, I wasn’t feeling so much worried as I used to be earlier, my heart was not thumping as it used to be on small worrisome instances. I think after the break up, my threshold for reaction has risen.

While searching for it, some guy waved at me from a distance, he was waving off. I was just thinking who he was, and was about to wave him back, but then suddenly someone shouted from behind “Arey haan, Bye, now go.”

It is then I realized he was waving it to him, but I thought him to be a squint. He was looking at me…straight.

Getting back to the search, I started walking again. It was now easier for me to look, as the natural light was helping now. The time might be around 4.30 am.

Suddenly, somebody called me from behind “Makarand.”

I turned back. There was an old guy, dressed in white dhoti and a kurta. He had a charismatic personality. I walked towards him “Yes Sir, I am sorry, but do I know you?”

He laughed to that.

I “Sir, I am not cracking any joke.”

I moved further closer to him. On looking at him closely, I realized he was the same old guy, the same beggar whom I had seen at that cigarette stall “Hey you..you are the same beggar.”

He replied with a smile “Yes.”

I was stunned with the change in him “How did you become so..so good.”

To that he replied “Life changes after death, my friend.”

I was not in a mood to cracking jokes. He knew my name and he was totally changed now, the questions were getting heaped up in my brain “Please Sir, I am not in a mood to laugh.”

He “Me too. Ok at least now can you give some money to this beggar.”

I was frustrated till now “Ya ofcourse.”

When I extended my hand to my back pocket, I wasn’t able feel anything inside it. I checked my other pockets too, but it wasn’t in any of them. I was worried again, gulping down some saliva. But the tongue was behaving a kind of numb. There was like no taste in my mouth.

I looked at him “Oh so you robbed it there at the stall, and now you have used all the money for this makeover.”

He smiled “Friend, nobody can take anything with them after death. Believe me. I am here to tell you the truth.”

I knew he was bluffing “Ok, let’s go to police station and decide there.”

But then, he held my hand and took me to the place near the Mumbai platform, where he showed me a human body kept on a stretcher with a white cloth. The head portion covered with cloth was drenched in blood and I think was not in a proper shape. I was terrified.

But still, I was confused. But then when I saw the hand lying out of the cloth, it was like mine with the same wrist watch, I felt completely isolated from the place. I suddenly wasn’t able to smell the air around. It was kind of no ability to smell.

When I looked around, people were starting to arrive at the platform. It was getting lighter. After some time, since it was hard to believe it, I turned him to ask something, when he held me against a man coming towards us. He…he just passed through me. It was as if I wasn’t existing.

He, leaving my hand “Friend, you are dead…and from now, the time you will spend will depend on how you have used your senses throughout your life.”

And there I got to know why I wasn’t able to smell anything or taste my saliva.

He “Friend, and now you know why people can go through you, it’s because you have misused your touch sense while you were alive.”

Suddenly, my vision was turning dimmer. I tried rubbing my eyes, but I wasn’t able to feel my eyes. I closed and opened the lids a few times, but it was just getting dark,

The vision of that old man was getting darker “Hey you, I am not able to see things properly.”

I could hear him properly “Friend, what you think how you have used your vision in your life. It has to go.”

“But..but.”

And then those were the last words I could say. After that, I wasn’t even able to speak a word. I realized in a second why it happened too.

– “Friend, the only sense that you didn’t misuse much while you were alive was hearing. And so you retain it now. All other are gone.”

 

Later

I now just keep on walking hearing voices some crying, some laughing, some horns, some whistles, some gunshots, some that of coins and many more. I can’t smell, taste, touch or see anything. It’s like a dark night for me. It’s now like a….like a ‘Nightwalk’.