Review of Memoirs of a Lost Freedom

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Short Story: “Memoirs of a Lost Freedom: Jumping out of the Circle” by NOUGA

Dear Writer, Thank you for choosing us to publish your story and asking us for the review. Please find below our review comment based on five key elements of short stories:

Character: The narrator, Sherry, beautifully characterized prevailing political situation of Egyptian society. Subtly, though dreaming and musing of an Egyptian woman, social and family status of women along with their expectation was also brought out very nicely. It was a scholastic approach in overall portraying of political and social situation in Egypt – detailing and critiquing to support a point of view but with guarded scepticism and sometime openly once setting heightened the point of view.

Setting: Although because of chosen broad topic which was beautifully essayed in this story there was hardly any scope for staging, good use of adjectives grossly helped to create the interest. For example:

“It was dark and dim, but swimming inside felt comfortable and fun. What is happening, I feel as though I am moving without really wanting to. Sucking my way through this enclosed circle that I was in was the most natural way to survive. It was like living in a happily ever after world where all what you need comes true”

“Out I flew into the world of mysteries and perplexities. There are sounds around me, but I cannot see properly. “Look at how cute it is’’ said a voice nearby. I gasped and realized that I am no longer swimming. I felt the warmth of tender skin crushing me. I wanted to suck, but I could not. I screamed and cried to be heard and realized that the sucking now is not as easy as it was before. I finally was able to suck warm nourishing liquid that quilted my hunger.”

“Actually, this does not happen as is apparent in society and in our own family. Once we reach a certain age we have to issue an ID which is a number. This number I believe dehumanizes a person because a number is inanimate and does not reflect us. We do not have the freedom to choose a number that we like, for example, as it is imposed on us. This number is supposed to be with you whenever you go out, so in other words, it takes the place of your name.”

It is very important to keep the interest of the reader by such vivid settings.

Plot: The writing had an intriguing start and a thoughtful end. However plot was not so powerful to support the strong theme of wide topic. The narrator was used effectively to put forth a point of view. Later, to opine the writer’s point of view on the topic she was seemingly ineffective in the flow. How can a whole revolution be explained by a woman’s point of view alone? Nonetheless writer’s point of view was beautifully brought out in the content by changing the narration from Sherry’s to the writer’s. This changeover, however, made the content bit confusing and dull towards end. It would have been highly creative to pen the same powerful conclusion by continuing Sherry’s point of view (but question remains whether her point of view would be suitable enough to do so). Furthermore for such wide topic it is worth considering alternative style of plot or if story telling is preferred then better to choose a narrowly focused topic – such as “A Day in Egypt” or “Those Few Hours at Tahrir Square” or simply “My Dream” (refer Martin Luther King’s rhetoric speech – “I have a dream…”)

Conflict: As the story was a scholastic approach to bring out Egyptian socio-political situation and thus had biased point of view on the topic, there was hardly any conflict. It is absolutely ok not to have conflict in the plot but then it should be more of historical approach describing a situation rather analysing and opining. The plot had apparently both the approaches and therefore needed conflict was felt missing.

Theme: Theme was based on a broad topic. It is almost a fatal attempt to choose such theme for a short creative piece; nonetheless it was interesting to find that many aspects were covered beautifully in the content. If this piece has to be rewritten, it would be even more interesting if only single aspect such as family, or woman’s status or contemporary political situation is chosen. It is very important for short story or short article to stick to one theme and decorate other elements around it.

Overall, the writing was very effective and heart touching in addition to thought provoking for an unbiased reader. It clearly provided a good insight in the contemporary socio-political situation of Egypt from a woman point of view.

Having said the above, we strongly believe that story is an art and every art is invaluable – there is nothing good or bad as art is beyond boundaries of these adjectives. Therefore the creator is the best person to decide whether the creation meets her expectation. We like your story in total and our comments are just objective comparison with the patterns we observed in most liked short stories.
We also recommend you to read 10 Tips for short story writing by our Chief Editor.

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