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Short Story: “Coming Around” by DEEPIKA R
Dear Writer, Thank you for choosing us to publish your story and asking us for the review. Please find below our review based on five key elements of short stories:
Character: There are two main characters — the bully interviewer and the narrator girl — along with other supporting characters. Sufficient-but-limited-to-theme characterization and appropriate point of view are must for a short story and both have come very well in this story. Main character the bully interviewer is nicely portrayed by the interviewee girl, the narrator. Another important aspect is use of ‘short’ appearance of side/supporting character for setting and characterization of main characters. Use of elder sister, parents and aunt is done just as much as it is needed to highlight the main characters for the theme. Overall, both selection of characters and method of characterizing them are done beautifully.
Setting: This story uses many timeframes. Typically short stories are written in short and as much as possible single timeframe. However the chosen theme – typecasting someone wrongly by first impression – couldn’t be realistically shown in short and single timeframe. In such case, like in this story, use of clear changeover or signboard is a must. Each timeframe used in the story is clearly separated by other with use of needed phrase such as “Three months flew”, “One week later” etc.
On other hand, additional payload a short story has to bear for using many timeframes — each timeframe must be decorated for the surrounding and the environment. Unfortunately, although there are ample opportunities in the plot to do so, needed setting is missing almost completely in the story. If this story has to be rewritten, we would recommend investing [but scarcely] few lines to describe the surroundings such as staging for interview, hospital scene, dinner with family etc. It is very important to keep the interest of readers by penning needed staging for the timeframe of story.
Another point to be considered for this story is to correct use of language [especially grammar]. It is very important to provide readers a smooth reading experience by using appropriate tense, adjectives, modifiers and prepositions.
Plot: Plot is another powerful element in this story – an interesting start, selection of appropriate point of view, logical connections among happenings and a meaning end.
Conflict: This short story uses conflict precisely for the theme – nothing more, nothing less. However highlighting apparent dilemma of the hero by using side characters’ gossips and settings supporting such gossips by showing him in distress, and then revealing his true side would have heightened the conflict and made end more interesting.
Theme: Theme is backbone of a short story. All other elements, as those do in this short story, must support and be tightly coupled with the theme. Message is unambiguously conveyed by the story.
Overall, this short story has the needed elements appropriately and suitably. We would strongly recommend you to practise setting and grammar. We further suggest you to try writing travel experience to practise for powerful settings.
Having said the above, we strongly believe that story is an art and every art is invaluable – there is nothing good or bad as art is beyond boundaries of these adjectives. Therefore the creator is the best person to decide whether the creation meets her expectation. We like your story in total and our comments are just objective comparison with the patterns we observed in most liked short stories.
We also recommend you to read 10 Tips for short story writing by our Chief Editor.
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