May 31, 2013 at 11:37 pm #44869YourStoryClubKeymaster
Dear Writer, thank you for asking us to review your short story ‘Constrained Unpredictability’. Please find below our objective review comment based on five key elements of short stories:
Character: Story has one lead character – the philosophical lover. Furthermore his lover, though has important say in the story, is side character having only needed presence. Having fewer characters, as is done in this story, is very important for effective short story writing. Characterization of lead role is done beautifully, in detail and precisely to the point. Moreover for side character i.e. his lover only those characters are highlighted that are necessary for the theme of this story. His lover is beautifully used to bring required conflict in the plot. Very well done.
Setting: Story uses two timeframes – one when hero is young and other when is old. Although short story should use only one time frame, the story effectively manages to use two timeframes without any apparent break or clumsiness. Both timeframes are almost of the same size and support the theme. They also use description of surrounding. However description appeals to mostly ophthalmoception. There are many places where setting can be written to appeal audioception and tactioception such as sound of waves, feeling of kiss during love proposal, sound and touch of rain drops or even use of dialogues though out the stories. It is almost necessary to appeal more than one sense of the readers by setting of the story. Best way to make it effective is to at least use dialogue and highlight actions.
Plot: First two lines generate obvious curiosity in readers mind to read story further. Slowly story takes philosophical approach to prove that unpredictable albeit constrained future is a must for an animated life. This philosophy is buttressed using a love story with which everyone can relate to. At the end after successfully proving the philosophical point, the truth of life becomes predictable and thus giving an intriguing end. Overall story has a nice plot and is beautifully written. On other hand philosophical point of view would have been better indirectly explained to make story even more interesting.
Conflict: Initially there is a very strong view chosen that is further made stronger as story progresses. Finally comes the twist giving an ideal ending to this beautifully written plot. One side view, more over a stronger view, may make reader detached and therefore it is safe to take equivocal stand or show weak point of the view chosen at beginning itself.
Theme: Theme is very clear and well supported mostly by all other elements. Strong believe developed throughout the life finally bows down to the truth of life.
Having said the above, we strongly believe that story is an art and every art is invaluable – there is nothing good or bad as art is beyond boundaries of these adjectives. Therefore the creator is the best person to decide whether the creation meets her expectation. We like your story in total and our comments are just objective comparison with the patterns we observed in most liked short stories.
We also recommend you to read 10 Tips for short story writing by our Chief Editor.June 3, 2013 at 11:26 pm #45276Ankit Raj BachchanParticipant
I read this review and then rwad the story again. I, being an average reader, too felt that the story is really well-written. So, my question is, if this story has all the five key elements at the right place, then why didn’t it get tagged as Editor’s Choice?
Do reply,so that we can learn more about story-writing.
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