October 14, 2012 at 1:37 pm #23918YourStoryClubKeymaster
Review of Short Story: “DANGERS IN THE DARK” by nirmalhenry
Dear Writer, please find below our objective review comment based on five key elements of short stories:
Character: There is one lead character – Rick; and other characters are short lived in story supporting the main lead. It is essential to focus on only one or two characters in short stories and is done well in this story. Characterization, although, is done to some extent, it seemingly is not too powerful to meet the requirement of the theme. For example before showing failure of Rick at end, it would have added to climax if in beginning characterization done for Rick were powerful enough to select him in Black Cross.
Setting: Timeframe used in this story is short – ideal for short stories. Furthermore few places surroundings are written vividly. For example “The silvery beam of the moon reflected upon the darkness of the street. The bridge was a ten-minute walk from his house. Suddenly an SUV swerved with high beam headlights that irritated his eyes. As he looked away, he heard the screeching and crashing sound of metal against metal. It was like a fusillade of metallic bullets. It rained shrapnel all around him. Ears numbed with the deafening sound, he looked at the road. Sickened by the bloody mess he started puking on the sidewalk”. However in suspense short story it is essential to take readers inside the setting by use of vivid and poetic explanation of surrounding. Considering the theme, thrilling explanation of surroundings in bit more detail (without digressing) is somewhat felt missing.
Plot: Start creates curiosity and end provides surprise – a good attempt for powerful plot. It is difficult to use such plot in a short timeframe that is brought out well in this short story. On other hand using a suitable narration to present the story with appropriate perspective is a must. For example third person perspective as used in this story may not be appropriately sufficient to show Rick’s mind to readers. Example: “Excitement and puzzlement both fiercely hit Rick’s mind.” It would perhaps be better to let Rick do so by using him as the narrator, “Excitement and puzzlement fiercely hit my mind.”
Conflict: Conflict is another element that is, in general, good in this story but could not catch up the theme. As pointed out earlier also, without showing strength of the hero, concluding story with his failure is unable to heighten the climax.
Theme: Theme is clear at beginning itself and the story advances to support the theme.
Having said the above, we strongly believe that story is an art and every art is invaluable – there is nothing good or bad as art is beyond boundaries of these adjectives. Therefore the creator is the best person to decide whether the creation meets her expectation. We like your story in total and our comments are just objective comparison with the patterns we observed in most liked short stories.
We also recommend you to read 10 Tips for short story writing by our Chief Editor at https://yourstoryclub.com/how-to-write-short-stories-tips/
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