October 6, 2012 at 10:08 am #22963YourStoryClubKeymaster
Dear Writer, please find below our objective review comment based on five key elements of short stories:
Character: There are one lead character – Dhruv the narrator, another main character – Radhika, and short lived character – Rahul. Selection of fewer characters effectively is very critical for short story, and is done quite precisely. Furthermore without overdoing through the narrator himself, his characteristics needed for the theme is brought out very well. Well done.
Setting: As this story was written in multiple timeframes, setting could not be depicted very effectively. However using dialogues and narrator’s thoughts there is good attempt to make setting lively. Few places, but very shortly one can feel the surrounding of happening, for example,
“A mild drizzle and a cool breeze had made it a perfect moment for a hot cup of coffee with someone whom I now considered one of my closest friends. She just loved getting wet in rain, feeling those tiny droplets of water all over her face. Though I never enjoyed it as much as she did, watching her face glow with happiness in that rain was a feeling that just can’t be described in words.”
Another positive noting is use of signboard while switching timeframes such as “6 years ago”, “Two months had passed” etc.
Plot: Start is powerful and so that end is. Story has very good plot. It clearly carries curiosity in reader’s mind. Who else other than lover himself can express feeling of love? This story uses lead role as narrator quite effectively and successfully. Emotions are projected accurately without adding to them extra flab. Overall effective plot.
Conflict: Conflict is another element that is brought well in this story. Both sides – pain of not expressing love and fear of losing nearness of the loved one – are equally shown in the story until end, one overtaking other as story progresses. Should the narrator tell his feeling to his lover? or just continue to be her friend? But that was, superbly, not the end. A twist almost, seemingly, solved this dilemma. Rahul is introduced who as being friend to Radhika proposes her and thus upsets her. The hero gets the answer – continue to be friend. But just before end he finds Radhika to accept the proposal of Rahul.
Theme: Theme is clear and all other elements even including not so powerful setting are tightly aligned with the theme.
Overall, other than use of multiple timeframes in the setting, all elements are very effective. Emotions are intensively brought in the story. Slow progression of the events in single timeframe while bringing out exhaustive emotion, as we noticed in this story, could be effectively used for psychological thriller.
Having said the above, we strongly believe that story is an art and every art is invaluable – there is nothing good or bad as art is beyond boundaries of these adjectives. Therefore the creator is the best person to decide whether the creation meets her expectation. We like your story in total and our comments are just objective comparison with the patterns we observed in most liked short stories.
We also recommend you to read 10 Tips for short story writing by our Chief EditorOctober 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm #23043NitinParticipant
First of all thank you for giving a review to my story. I am really glad you could pick up the subtle elements in the story.
Regarding the setting of the story, i agree multiple time frames maybe were not the best option. I will keep that in mind next time.
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