Finding A Reason

Jason lay down in his room and closed his eyes. Well technically it wasn’t his room since he shared it with his little brother Jordan. Jason is 17 while Jordan is 10; Jason was your typical broken teenager and his height of companionship was his little brother (which spoke heaps about him). ‘Who had time for friends’? He thought. Moreover what did he have to offer a friend? His house was as broken as his soul and he could never afford to spend time together. Even worst, he wasn’t ready to show anyone what hell existed in his home; if you should all it that. In fact that’s the reason he’s in his room right now, because they were at it again… Mom and dad were equally drunk and unemployed. If dad could just stay in a job without causing a fight, if mom could just stop whining and do something about it then maybe they wouldn’t be having such a hard time paying the rent. Or at least if they could stop drinking. If wishes were pennies then he would be rich.

As he laid down deep in thought, he heard a noise in the kitchen. It wasn’t an aggressive noise but a mistake. Sibling instincts kicked in immediately and he ran to the kitchen to find little Jordy in tears because he dropped his plate. Jason cleared it up without a word and served his own lunch. He took it along with Jordy quietly to their bedroom, trying so hard to avoid the mumble of verbal abuse that escaped their parents lips, not really directed at them or each other or anything for that matter.

Jason sacrificed his lunch to his only friend. Yes he never ate yesterday but its okay. In fact he only wished the food was better so that Jordy didn’t have to put up with it. He went back to his prior position feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

While other students were thinking about universities, he was looking out for a part time job. He knew he couldn’t go to a fancy place and have the college life he’d seen in movies. No. This was his reality. His only thoughts were too earn, save and move out. But of course, he saw no point in it. Surviving for no reason was the emptiest part of his life. Yes he did try to end it all; he has the scars to prove it. But every time he was close to relief, he either chickened out or pictured the eyes of little Jordy looking at his dead body. Who would look after him then? Who would protect him? Who would give him hope? Even though Jason was a picture of negativity, he tried his hardest to show Jordy the way to cope. Cope with misery even though he didn’t understand it. After all Jordy was the only one who smiled in that family and it was a gesture worth looking forward to. Jason couldn’t ruin that. But that still left him with no reason for himself.

Preoccupied in his thoughts he almost ever heard Jordy calling him.

“Jay”?

“yeah, Jordy”?

“I think it fell”

“What are you talking about”?

“toot” , he said holding up the off-white tooth with a scared expression.

Jason was too mesmerized by his cuteness to reply. At the same time he felt a sharp twang of fear himself; a fear of Jordy facing the real world someday.

“Jay, could we pease sleep earlier”?

“Sure squirt. Why”?

“This is my last toot”

“And”?

“The toot fairly gives more money for the last toot! Eveybody knows that Jay”! And Jordy ran to his pillow to hide his treasure.

Jason’s face turned pale. He wasn’t sure if he could afford it. He had just enough for essentials and now he’d just have to do without it.

When Jordy was fast asleep, Jason slowly slipped the money under his pillow. Jordy moved a bit and Jason froze. The last thing he wanted was Jordy’s imagination getting ruined like his was. It took Jason years to realize that no one would give him money for teeth; when he asked his mother about it, all she did was laugh. When he was certain that Jordy wouldn’t wake, he finally slipped back into bed and cried like he did always did.

The next morning Jason woke up to Jordy jumping up and down his bed. Maybe now he could buy the kind of sweets he always wanted.

“jay! Jay! Look! The toot fairly gave me money”. Under the old sheets which covered his face, Jason smiled. Any amount of money is not worth this happiness.

“Look, Jay, Look”! Jason looked at Jordy knowing just what would happen.

“5 whole bucks”!

“Wow the tooth fairy must really like you”!

“You really think so”?

“Sure do”

“Wow”!

Jordy couldn’t stop beaming and Jason knew that this sight was enough to get him through any day. All of a sudden Jordan calmed down and frowned as if he was in serious thought. He turned and handed Jason the money.

“I wan you to have it”. Jason just stared at him.

“Why”? Was all he could muster up and say.

“Ah, I don’t know, you’re my big brother and I want you to have it”.

“But don’t you want it”.

“Naw, I got you”.

Jason realised that he was looking at his reason to live. This human who was part of him and always will be. Jason took the money and made a mental note to stop by the candy shop. Now his plan was finally clear. Earn, save and give Jordan a chance at a better life. It’s worth it because he realised that he’d do anything for this boy, even just survive.

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