Ryan and Elsa two dislike minds were close friends under the vision of God. They were happy for one another and thanked God for the same. They always remained in their one another prayers. They were working in a tech company, Lycan Corp.
Ryan is an introvert. There would be so much running in his mind, but always found hard to be expressive with others; even with Elsa. He felt gifts would be an ideal way of expressing his love and affection towards his friend Elsa. So, Ryan found himself in a clothing shop. He wanted to gift a dress to Elsa. It was his first time being on his own in a clothing shop exclusively for women. It was quite embarrassing for him to see himself around many women. He looked around and quickly went upstairs. He thought there would be less women in the first floor and hence he would feel at ease. To his fortune, there were very few women in the first floor and luckily, there was a male attender. Ryan asked the attender to show him some dresses. He always was obsessed with orange color, so he thought he would buy an orange colored dress for Elsa. Also, that color would suit Elsa. Ryan was quick in selection. He saw an orange dress and asked to pack it up.
He felt content with the dress and prayed that Elsa would like it too. When he opened the packing later, he realized that it wasn’t an orange colored one. The showroom had golden color display lights, under those the dress that Ryan bought seemed to be an orange one. However, it turned out to be a pinkish red one. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful dress. Over these Elsa would love anything if it was bought by Ryan for her.
Due to unforeseen mishaps, their friendship broke apart. Ryan felt so much guilty of himself. He could praise and understand God when they were together, while he couldn’t accept that God could still be in control over the hard events. He wasn’t willing to let it under God’s hands. He took the situation by himself and with his little understanding he tried to solve it. Nevertheless, due to the absence of God, all his attempts went in vain. He did pray to God about it, however he wasn’t ready to accept what God had to say. He kept his ears open only to the words of his liking. Many a times, God said him to just wait upon him, but he couldn’t listen. He just didn’t want to lose Elsa before it’s too late.
So, he misinterpreted God’s words to his preference and convinced himself that it was God who wants to try to talk to Elsa this time. When it didn’t work out well at the end, Ryan felt even more worse. Sometimes he even got angrier upon God and Elsa for the whole situation. All the while he was little concerned about how it all would have been for Elsa. He never saw things from Elsa’s point of view. Though they broke apart, he somehow managed to give the dress that he bought for her. He just didn’t want to waste a resource. He wished to see her once in that dress, however he knew that could never happen. He hoped at least that dress gets used by someone if not by herself.
It took several weeks and months for Ryan to get over the situation, or at least to feel better than yesterday. He dwelled too much in the past that he totally got changed completely. Positively in some aspect, while negatively in some aspect. He became short tempered and very less sociable than ever before. However, he was beginning to let things in God’s hands. He began to surrender himself as a spiritual kid to God. He understood that irrespective of whether the past events happened under the will of God or not, God can still make marvels if one let’s him to work over it. Even if it were broken glass pieces, if one could surrender all the pieces to God, he could remold it into a new artifact.
A year later, Ryan approached Elsa. He believed things would work well now, given that he has better understanding about things. Yet, it didn’t. He was neglected by Elsa like always and it did break Ryan. However, Ryan could stabilize himself quick. He sincerely took those into prayers and tears. That’s all he could do. He never approached Elsa from then. He felt himself to be a burden to Elsa, so he kept himself away from her. Though he couldn’t understand why Elsa had to be hard over him, he believed it all would have a greater good reason. After all, Elsa was a God-fearing woman. Ryan understood that the whole process would have a greater purpose, which would come evident in the later time. He many a times broke into tears and wished to talk to Elsa. She was the only friend Ryan had. It was so difficult for him to open to others with that tragic loss of Elsa. He felt that when Elsa could be lost, the same could happen with respect to others as well. He didn’t want that to happen again. He won’t be able to face another separation. Elsa taught so much to Ryan, but he was never taught to be without her. However, he made up his mind that he wouldn’t approach Elsa, unless that’s what God really wants him to do.
Earlier, he assumed that God wanted him to talk to Elsa thought it wasn’t what that was told by God. And now, even if it was God who wants him to talk to her, Ryan felt if it could be just again his personal will to talk to her. So, Ryan never could make himself talk to Elsa.
Months later, it was Elsa’s birthday. Ryan was always poor in remembering the dates. He even has forgotten to wish his sister for her baby’s first birthday. He only managed to wish a day later. Luckily his sister was in US, so due to the time zone difference, it was still the baby’s birthday. Now, he forgot if Elsa’s Birthday was on 6th of the month or 8th of the month. Whole through the 6th of the month, he felt bad for not being able to wish her. However, when it was 8th of the month, he saw people wishing Elsa for her birthday. He realized it to be her Birthday then.
It was like a second chance to Ryan for being able to wish Elsa for her birthday. However, it was a no from God, or at least that’s what he understood. So, he didn’t send a word to her. There was a party arranged for her birthday in a cafeteria. He got an invite from other people as well. But he couldn’t make himself to attend it. He didn’t want to be a bothersome to Elsa on her birthday. He felt Elsa wouldn’t want him around her. While through the party, Ryan was in a running field. It was his usual track. He kept running all through the party timings. He still could have reached the party if he wanted to. But he didn’t. He was overwhelmed with her thoughts on that day. So, he ran a few more miles for her. That was his usual method of getting over the urge to talk to her. He ran several miles a day, but nothing made him even an inch closer to Elsa. He could only wish it happened.
They both became much like strangers now. They both excelled in their duties. They weren’t aware of one another’s proceedings much. Ryan happened to scroll through his phone gallery, he was shocked to see a picture which was unnoticed until that moment. It was a picture from the birthday party of Elsa that year. It was an auto downloaded picture from a common WhatsApp group, so he didn’t notice it beforehand. The shocking thing was that Elsa wore the dress that he gifted long back. He never thought she had it all this while and would wear it specially on her birthday. He thought she would have discarded the dress. She was so beautiful in that dress. It would have been so special if Ryan had been there for her birthday party. How much Elsa would have wanted his presence on that day. How much Ryan would have longed to see her in that dress. It was all too late to regret upon.
Of all the mistakes of Ryan, he once scolded Elsa in the past. That would be something Ryan couldn’t forgive himself. Irrespective of the situation which got him angry on that day, he shouldn’t have let out the harsh words over a woman. That too upon Elsa whom he respects the most. However, Elsa was kind enough to forgive him again and she took all the blame even though there was nothing wrong on her side. If only Ryan had given some moment to understand her before it was too late.
Elsa got a new posting in Lycan Corp in another city, while Ryan got a posting abroad. There was just a few days before his departure. Ryan had no intention to return to India. He never had a home to return in India, also he didn’t have any friends to count upon. He had his parents, siblings and all relatives though. He had all that he needed for survival, yet he never felt at being home. Home isn’t a place where one resides, it isn’t a place where one has his parents are, or where he gets home food. Rather, home is a place where there is someone who thinks of him. Home is a place where there is a mutual reciprocation of love. In that way, Ryan was homeless. He always was condemned to be a burden by his parents. The only thing they expected from him was his productivity or earnings. All these made him decide to never return to India. However, he would see to that their parents meet their expectation from him.
The only person Ryan would want to say about his posting abroad, whole heatedly was Elsa. But he never could talk to her. He knows that, though they never talked to one another, they would always have remained in one another prayers. He knew that if it weren’t for her steadfast prayers for him, he wouldn’t be here now. He thanked God for everything and in tears he sincerely wished to talk to her once before he leaves India. He wanted to see and feel her once. He wanted to comb through her lovely hair once. He wanted to hug her tight one more time till she is left breathless.
Of all, he wanted to look it to her eyes once and say a sorry and thanks for everything. He continually prays for it all. He prays for her overall happiness every day. He considered Elsa to be a blessing and never would God take back a blessing. So, he considers all these process as to be a test and once God prepares him right through the test, he would restore Elsa back to Ryan. He has faith upon the same. Earlier he would sleep in tears that Elsa didn’t talk to him that day, but now he sleeps in the happiness that he would someday wake up to hear from Elsa. He has faith upon God. He has faith upon the love. Faith never eases the pain however it makes things possible! There will be a day when Ryan is out of the pain.
He is not sure if he would be able to talk to Elsa even if Elsa approaches now. He is not sure if he has forgiven her in his heart completely. He is not sure if he is completely out of his guilt. However, he has faith upon God that he is preparing him for a greater purpose by making him cross through a painful process. Knowing what it feels to be in pain is exactly why we try to be kind to others.
God will make things beautiful in his time. Ryan may not completely accept it now. However, the tests God has put him through stands as a proof for it. He hopes for the same even with this test. He sincerely hopes and prays hat he and Elsa would end up in the same page someday in the far future. With that, Ryan steps forward for his calling by God. There are many uncertainties, many self-doubts and fear ahead of him. However, he knows God’s presence will be there whenever he goes and God will make a way through it all.
He envisions a distant day wherein he walks by the side of Elsa; walking at a lighter pace than her; following her trails. Not worrying about where the path leads. Having the best conversation ever; with no words spoken.
Praise be to the Lord
–END–
