Funny Story of Vikram Betal and Bollywood
Vikram, not giving up his urge, brings the corpse down from a tree and hauls it on his shoulder and walks silently carrying a sword.
Betal, living in the corpse starts “hey Vikram, I like your persistence. You have been toiling since ages. Why do you exert so much? Then again it is up to you. I will narrate you a story so that you won’t feel the exhaustion.”
“It was year 2051 and the date was December 31st. This happened in a village named CinyNagar, in a production office named K.D.Productions.”
VS and DP are struggling to come terms with reality. Of course, their names used to be VeerShour and DilPyare; they changed their names to VS and DP after a trip abroad for a film promotion “
Staring angrily at the production manager, VS Yelled “whatever has happened to our ‘Kamaal Dhammal’ Productions, you should answer me now. This is unacceptable and utterly shameful “
“Years of our hard work going to dogs, our name and fame are going into dust” DP joined him.
“What do you guys want me to do? All the combinations are over.” Production manager took out his laptop to show them.
They were in trouble indeed.
They have four formulas to start with.
Hero is poor; Heroine is rich, love each other and they finally get married
Heroine is poor; Hero is a millionaire, loves each other and gets married at the end
Both Hero and heroine are poor; love each other; a millionaire is the villain, fighting, marriage at the end
Both Hero and heroine are students; Principal is villain, fighting, marriage at the end
“For these four formulas we did a casting of sons, daughters, grandsons and granddaughters of actors and actresses and from of Hindi, Telugu and Tamil industry. These will make up seven categories.”
“Then the songs, dances, fights and special effects: which comprise of Bhangda, kathak, Kuchipudi, Bharatanatyam , Hindustani music, Karnataka music, folk music, pop music, kungfu, sumo, wrestling, car races and car blasts. There go our 13 kinds of tortures “
Production manager punched keys on the key board, squinted his eyes and said finally with a heavy heart
“So we have 13 attributes for 28 combinations and all these are set in rock. We used up all the possible combinations and we successfully made 364 movies in 364 days. Nothing is left now, nothing at all for today.”
Alas, their life’s only aim is to make a movie a day. The sole purpose of existence is lost if they cannot make it any more.
VS and DP were in deep trouble. But they are not going to give up. They started grinding their teeth, started scratching their heads, and then started pulling hair. Finally when just a handful of hair is remaining on their heads, jointly the idea hit them like a million volt tube light.
On that day they made the movie and they happily lived after.
Betal narrated the story and stopped.
“Now Vikram, I am going to ask you two questions. You are brainy and this is a test for your intellect. What was their idea? How could they live happily ever after? If you know the answer and don’t answer your head will blow up into thousand pieces.”
Vikram smiled” hey Betal, here is the answer. It is plain, on 365th day they did not use any formula at all. They rented a western movie, watched it and made a movie on the same lines without songs, dances, fights, special effects and no story with VS and DP as actors and the Production manager shot the film. That was their idea.”
“No story?” Interjected Betal.
“Yes. No story. Seldom foreign movies have a story. It is mostly about nothing and there won’t be an end.” Vikram replied.
“You know everything don’t you? What about my second question? “Betal challenged.
“Coming to why they happily lived after? That is simple; they bagged the’ best arts film’ awards for that movie.”
Betal laughed and roared. “You are hundred percent right Vikram, and you are the most intelligent man but alas, you broke the silence. I am going, going, gone” saying this Betal disappeared onto the tree with the corpse.
“Stop Betal, stop”, Vikram ran behind him to the tree again.
__END__
