LLC04: Dear Joshua

“Love is a timeless feeling.”I haven’t forgotten this quotation since the first time I met him. The time where I first saw him with butterflies and hearts around. I get his picture and the letter. I walk out the house while holding it. I stare at his picture. This is Joshua, the person I love. The person who let me feel the wonderfulness of the world. I will go to the largest tree at the farm. The tree where we first saw each other. It was then long ago but there’s nothing wrong to share.

I was heavy-headed that time because I argued with my family. I can’t stop them so I ran outside the house and directly went to the tree. I saw a guy crying. Wait, he’s so handsome. I approach him but he just run so I chase him.

“Wait, I just want to ask your problem?” I said.

“Leave me alone” he reply but I didn’t stop chasing him. He entered a forest-like place. I call it like that because I saw a lot of trees, bushes and grass.  I follow him but he was gone in my sight. Still I continue and find him.

“You’re not the only one who suffers. I also have problems. All we need to do is to solve it and I found in our case is we have to cooperate. You can share yours and I can share mine. Is it alright?” I shouted.

“I have a secret” someone shouted from above. He was at the top of a tree. “But I can’t tell them” he continued.

“Please get down there. Let’s talk at the large tree in the farm where I saw you.” I pleased.

We were talking when I hear noises from the woods. I look at him but he told me not to move. I saw a snake and involuntary moved my feet and run so the snake chase me and was able to bite me. I fell and become weak so he went down the tree and suck the poison that the snake implanted on my blood. He removed his shirt and tied it on the affected area. I stare at his body. Again, it was involuntary. He lifted me on his back and brings me on the large tree. To make life easier I started to call that as “Medical Tree”. Why? Because he brought me here instead in the hospital. He put me down on a nearby artesian well but it was not that far from the “medical tree”. He removed his shirt which he tied on the wound and washed my foot then he brings it back again.

“I’m Lily. Can I know your name, sir” I asked.

“I’m Joshua” he responded. Joshua lifted me again and put me down on the “medical tree”. “Uh, by the way, starting this day I’m going to call this as medical tree and to completely defend its name. Can you please tell your problem?” said I.

“Tell your problem first then I’ll tell mine” he promised.

“It’s about my parents. They always argue. There’s no day where house is in silent mode except when they’re in work. Money, another woman or man and simple things for example deciding for the brand of the coffee that they should buy. I have nothing to do. I’m too young to handle big problems. Sometimes I try but always a failure.” I stated.

I look at the clock and saw that it was already late. I bid Joshua a goodbye and ran home. I reached the house when the maids are preparing foods. I sit down but even when the maids are already finished. Both of my parents are still wool-gathering. I eat then after went upstairs to take shower then sleep. I shouldn’t care to them anymore. They’re too old to think too young.

Next morning, a new rising sun exaggerates my day. I believe that I would see Joshua again. I run into the medical tree but found nothing. I sat down and meditate when I heard someone singing from above. I look up and there saw the monster. I pull his feet and made him cry. He went down so I ran but he chased me. He was too fast so he got me but we slip on a mud. I put mud on his face reason for him to take revenge. We roll into the mud and look like pigs. Afterwards, take a bath on the artesian well and made ourselves dry under the medical tree.

“What will you do if I told you that I’m starting to like you?” he asked.

“Nothing. You didn’t say that it was even real” I answer.

“Actually, it’s true. I’m starting to love you” said he.

“I’m not starting to love you” I whispered.

“Why?” he cried.

“I love you since the first time I saw you so why do I have to start it again when I’m already growing it?” I stated.

He hugged and kissed me right on my lips. That’s the first time I ever felt the thing they call “Love”. I haven’t any boyfriend since birth and my family was such a mess so I wasn’t able to experience this thing. I hugged and kissed him back. He find a sharp object then write “Joshua loves Lily” on the tree. I went home. I can’t sleep. Is this a hangover or the side-effect of love? I don’t know but I have to sleep because we’re going to meet again tomorrow.

I didn’t expect that the next day would be more hassle. I don’t know the feeling but I want to go there immediately. I run as fast as a horse. I almost defeated humpy dumpy…riding a horse. I caught Joshua there sleeping so I woke him up. After he open his eyes, he gets angry to me.

“Joshua, what happened to you? Why are you so angry? Did I do something wrong” I questioned.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t know you” he defended.

“Please stop making jokes like that. It’s hurting me” I pleased.

“I’m sorry but I’m serious I didn’t really know you” he said.

I pull him up and point him the writing on the tree. His head ached and started to fly into a rage. I tried to stop him and asked “What’s happening to you?” so he stopped and said “Don’t ever believe me I was just kidding”.

“That would never be a good joke” I said and gasp. His head ached again so I ask him “This tree is a medical tree. No one could treat you if you will obscure that. I’m your girlfriend and I have the right to know everything”.

“Do you remember when we had a deal to hear each other’s problem? What did you do? You just told yours and just leave me. I have an Alzheimer’s disease and my parents haven’t know it yet” he revealed.

A deep silence conquered the entire place. I want to say a thing. I can’t. I can’t say a thing, can’t accept that this was happening, can’t accept that a disease would just ruin everything. Why is this happening to me? Don’t I deserve love that’s why he’s getting it again? I don’t know a thing at this time. I sat beside him and laid my head on his shoulder. His eyes bore on mine. I will not see these bright and attractive eyes again. His body that warmth mine. His hands that holds my whole world. His presence and love. I put to his hands my bracelet made of small rocks attached to gauze.

“Don’t remove this. This will be one of a thing that would make you remember me. Don’t forget to go to this place. I know this will be hard but please tell them so they can find a way to revive. Don’t even try to surrender. As long as you can fight, fight. No one has the right to make you stop” I bid him goodbye and started to walk away. I don’t know to picture life without him.

Time passed by, he wasn’t able to forget to go to the medical tree for three consecutive days. The first day is he told me that he was able to tell his parents about his sickness. On Second day, he said that his parents were already finding a way. And lastly, he told me that they can do nothing. I mourn for the third day that we met. I feel hopeless and nothing but negative charges. But after the three consecutive days, the fourth, fifth even on the seventh day. I haven’t seen any shadow. I went home grieving. I caught my parents arguing again. I just recently enter the house when they physically hurt each other. I ran into the kitchen but this time I ran not to cry but to express my part. I pull out a knife and approach them.

“Here a knife! Go! Get it! Kill each other” I cried “The scene was always like this. You did nothing on your lives but to fight. Go get the knife and just kill each other. So next there will be no next time. It just keeps on repeating. I’m just a teenager but I also have problems. Don’t throw yours especially if you, my own parents, know that I’m the one who is affected. Please change. I can’t feel that I have parents because even to ask me if I have already eaten or if I want to have bonding with you can’t penetrate your narrow minds. I’m sorry. I know I have no right to do this but you pushed me. Still I’m in front of you saying I’m sorry and please change for your daughter.”

I walk out and went upstairs, lock myself on my room and there cry. I get a paper and a ball pen then start to write a letter. This I write the things that my shy mouth wants to tell you. I will give this letter to you for you to read and remember me.

The next day, I received a call from an unknown number. “Lily, this is Joshua” he said in a sad tone.

“Joshua, I miss you so much. How are you?” I greet.

“Please take down note the street that I will give you and please went there.”

I get a ball pen and paper then write each word that comes out his mouth. I fix myself, get the letter that I made last night and quickly find the street that Joshua gave me a while ago. I knock but I hear mourn inside. A big girl opened the door so I said “Is Joshua inside? Please give this letter to him and tell him that he should read this every time he can’t remember a thing.”

She faces downward and don’t accept the letter but rather quote “Are you Lily? I’m Joshua’s mother. Don’t be shock but he’s just departed from this wonderful world right after he calls you”

My heart, nerves and time stopped at that time and the fall of my letter for him signaled me to mourn.

It’s been a year after those things happened. Now I’m on the head to the medical tree but right at this moment. I’m going to change its name and replace “Joshua” because this tree is Joshua. He still lives here watching me. I bring out the letter and read while leaning on the tree in a sitting position.

 

Dear Joshua, 

I know there are times that you would forget me. But just pull out this letter wherever you are every time you feel the sickness conquering you again. Remember when we first met, I chase you so I was bitten by a snake. It’s your fault so you took care of me. I share my problem to you but you haven’t shared yours because we both forgot. That was also the day where I first call the tree as the medical tree. We both learn to love that tree. I can prove that by pulling you down and make you cry if you went up. And of course, the writings (Joshua loves Lily). We always meet on that tree and considered as a dating place. I remember how mess up my face in the mud. But the next days didn’t contributed happiness anymore. There was a time when I thought you’re just making fun of me but I didn’t know that it was already your sickness which started to kill love between us. Good thing that the writings on the tree brings you back in the reality. I remember the days how you updated me of what’s happening to you. How you tell your sickness to your parents, how they help you and how we grieve when you say that there is nothing that they can do. I miss you already. I miss your eyes, body, hands and love. I know that you’re in the middle of a suffering when you’re reading this. I hope this letter can give you strength to fight, hope not to surrender and love to make you smile even in toughest times and to make you remember how I loved you. I add these words because I wasn’t able to write these when I intended to give this to you. I want you to know that I love you so much. Thank you for giving me a small but meaningful time. Thank you for giving my life’s a direction. I know by now you’re already with HIM. I know that HE will take care of you. Goodbye for now. I know that God has greater plan for me and I’m looking forward for that. I will never forget you. Life may pass but memories don’t. Thank you. I love you <3

Lily 

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