Second Chance

The moment I was dreading the most in the last 4 years of my life was finally here. My colleague, Riddhima, closed the door behind her, leaving me, my boss Mr. Vikrant Singhania and pindrop silence, all alone, in the gigantic, poshly furnished, conference hall.

I typed furiously, not looking up from the laptop, to make up for the silence. I could feel his intent gaze upon me. Just before the silence almost cracked me up, he asked “Do you still draw, Neha?”.

I looked up. “No, I don’t find the time” I said.

He gave me a sympathetic look. As I looked at my 29-year old so called “boss” the familiar wave of guilt arose in me. I always wondered why I felt guilt rather than anger on seeing him.

“How’s your sister?” he asked.

“Fine” I said and decided against saying anything further.

“Is she married?..” before he could complete I blurted out “Are you married?”.

There was dead silence for a few seconds. That time was sufficient for me to comprehend the magnitude of the damage my impulsiveness must have caused. “How can I get married Neha, when the girl I love is busy wasting her life doing what she’s best at – being confused and lost!”

***
It was late evening. I was back at my apartment. Atleast my body if not my mind. I could’t make out why all this was happening to me. Why I had to see the very same person everyday, whom I never again wanted to in see again in my whole entire life. Why circumstances were forcing me to remember those things which I wanted to forget. My brain was playing out the events from 4 years ago, over and over. I could only see the rewind and play buttons of my head and I knew if I didn’t find the stop button soon, my head would explode.

4 years ago

Finally the big day had arrived. My sister Namrata was dressed as the most beautiful bride in the world. Everyone was extremely happy. Everyone except me. It was the grand finale of a larger than life, big fat Indian wedding. The bride and groom where on the stage.

Just before the rituals of the wedding began, the groom announced. “I have something to say. I’m extremely sorry about this. I know what I’m going to do is going to disgrace both families, but hiding the truth will destroy both mine and Namrata’s life.” Words cannot describe how terrified I was at that moment. I wanted to run away before he said “I love Neha, not Namrata. And I want to marry her.” Several hundred pairs of shocked eyes were on me. I stood speechless.

“Neha, what is he saying” my dad asked. I stood in complete silence. “Answer me, damn it! Do you like him?” dad screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Neha, please tell him the truth” pleaded the groom.

I looked at Namrata di, tears streaming down her cheeks, ruining her pretty bridal make-up. “I…. don’t know…. I” I mumbled. Dad slapped me on my face.

I cursed the moment I met the groom for the first time, 2 weeks ago. “Vikrant” he said smiling, offering a hand. A pleasant, full of life, undeniably handsome man. The better we got to know each other, the better friends we became. We shared a lot of common interests. Food, movies, music, travel and the list goes on. We never tried to spend time together on purpose but circumstances, chores, boredom or simply making fun of the dramatic chachas, chachis, mamas, mamis and other relatives got us together.

And the other main reason for things going so horribly wrong was Namrata di herself. I know I sound like a horrible sister saying this but it is the plain truth. If she had devoted atleast a quarter of her efforts that she invested in her in-laws, to building a good rapport with her fiance, this may not have happened. Namrata di was completely opposite to me. She was a shy introverted girl. My 4 years in college hostel and her life here under the strict 24/7 surveillance and guidance of our mother on how to be an ideal Indian bahu had made us so different, people were amazed we were sisters.

When I talked about eating food, she talked about making food. When I read novels, she read holy books. My idea of going out was going for a movie while hers was going to a temple. When I made fun of my relatives or teachers, she always scolded me for disrespecting elders.

Three days before the wedding, when Vikrant complained that till date he hadn’t had a conversation of more than 30 seconds with his soon-to-be wife, I hatched up a brilliant plan to send them out for a dinner. My plan was picture-perfect. I had everything decided right from the excuses to be told to anyone who asked about their whereabouts, to reserving seats in the most expensive hotel in town. Only trouble I had was in getting this plan across to di and convincing her to do something she knew the elders would strongly disapprove of.

Finally all was set. As me and Vikrant waited, a message came on my phone. It was from di. “Neha, I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it for the dinner. Ma, mausi, chachi, Nani, Dadi and all others wanted me to go with them for darshan at Krishna’s mandir. Please tell Vikrant ji I’m sorry.” That One message sent all my efforts down the drain.

Since everyone else had gone to the temple, Vikrant suggested maybe we should go out too. After all, what were we to do in this huge place while everyone else were at the temple. I know I shouldn’t have agreed. And I definitely wouldn’t have, if  only I had the slightest hint of all the consequences that would accompany this complaince.

We roamed all over the city that night. We had chaat, kulfi, cotton candy, ice cream and everything we found in every shop on the way. When we were too full to move, we sat down at a ledge, on a hill, from where the entire city could be seen. “You know, I forgot the last time when I had so much fun” he said. “And I’ve never met a girl as crazy as you”

“Of course, and you’ll never meet one either” I challenged “I’m limited edition!” I laughed.

We talked for 2 hours. Conversations went on from Right from about childhood, to our dreams and aspirations. When he heard I loved drawing, he was shocked why I was doing engineering. “You should have done design!” he said.

“Well, whatever we want doesn’t always happen, does it. If it did, what’s the meaning behind life.” I said

“No way, I believe there’s only one thing that stands between us and what we want- and that’s we ourselves. Life is so short, that we might not get the time to do everything we love. So even thinking of something we don’t want to do is out of question.” he said.

I knew I was falling in love with him. But I wasn’t alarmed. I wouldn’t tell anybody. And a year or two after di and vikrant’s marriage, I’d forget this crush and move on. Or so I convinced myself, to free myself of the guilt of falling in love with my sister’s fiance.

On wedding eve night, as I sat on the terrace railing, looking down at all the preparations, everyone singing and dancing, Vikrant came up to me.

“Neha, I love you” he said.

“What?” I said, “Have you completely lost it? You’re getting married to my sister tomorrow”

“So you don’t feel the same for me?” he asked.

For a moment, I couldn’t reply. Quickly composing myself, I looked away and said “Of course I don’t. You are my sister’s fiance, for heaven’s sake.”

But my inability to look at him and say it, gave away my lie.

“For a minute, forget about everything else, just think about me and tell me if you love me or not” he said. “Don’t lie to yourself. Listen to what your heart is telling you” he said.

“Vikrant…I..” At that moment a huge mob of aunties burst open the terrace door and came running in, and I left the terrace and locked myself up in my room, hoping that everthing will be fixed overnight.

******
I hoped everything will settle down eventually. Even though there was some initial difficulties, my family found another groom for Namrata di and she’s now the proud mother of a baby girl. And even though environment around me eased out after this I never felt completely at ease. There was always a pang of regret somewhere deep within. Things took a turn for the worse when I started my new job 3 months ago only to find, the very same Vikrant as my boss. Facing him everyday became more difficult than work for me.

I could not sleep. I kept thinking all night. But it was then that I realised. The regret and guilt I felt, the trouble I had facing Vikrant, was far less due to di’s broken marriage and much more due to the fact that I never mustered the courage to listen to my heart and follow it. I realised that instead of thinking about what I did, what I could have done, what I should have done, what was right, what was wrong and so on, I should be thinking about what can be done now. Life was not troubling me, by giving me this job, making me face Vikrant everyday and reminding me of all that happened. It was giving me a second chance. To correct the mistake I made. To allow me to choose my happiness. I made some decisions.

Morning dawned bright. I left my apartment with a smile on my face.

“May I come in” I said entering Vikrant’s cabin.

He looked at me as I handed him a letter.

“Whats this?” He asked me.

“My resignation” I said, with a smile.

“My friend once advised me to follow my heart, so I’m going to do a course on design” I said.

He smiled. “Something fell on your head today morning?” he joked.

I smiled, turned around and when I reached the glass door turned back.

“Sir, I was wondering if you could come for a coffee with me today evening” I said.

“No” he said with a sly grin, without looking at me.

I said with a laugh “Be there, or be dead.”

__END__