“Oh God, This should not happen to her, I need to stop her …” he thought and dialed her number.
“The number you are trying to call has been switched off” that was the response he got on her mobile. He was furiously dialing her number, hoping that she would switch on her mobile at any moment, but there was no response, he went inside the station and asked the whereabouts of the train, he came running and accelerated his car to top speed to catch up the train in the next destination, He was honking his car profusely to find his way out of the city on to the highway.
“God, Please save her, nothing should happen to her” he was constantly praying god, for her well being, By the time he reached the next station he missed the train in a minute, this time he sped his car more furiously, he reached the station before the train, he was walking furiously on the platform waiting for the train to arrive, but he couldn’t find even a trace of it , it’s been around 15 min he has reached the station but it didn’t reach the station yet, Every minute is now precious to him , he’s counting every second , he went into the station master’s cabin to find the whereabouts of the train , he was aghast at the response the station master has given.
“There has been an accident in the train, the whole of B2 coach has been burnt into ashes. We need to see what has happened, the train has been halted a few kilometers from here” the station master said
“What!!!” it was almost a scream, everything seemed to be dizzy around him, and Fate is really being tricky with them, she was in the same coach. He has fallen to the ground weeping profusely; he left the place weeping to reach the spot where the accident took place. He didn’t know how he reached the place, but somehow he found the place only to find the ashes and leftover compartment!!!
There was no sign of anyone being alive in that coach, flames have been reduced, it is not just a small accident but a very big one, Slowly, people were swarming in, the dead bodies are being taken to a nearby hospital, there were people mourning the death of their dear ones everywhere, but to him everything was dizzy, He recognized her body, it was all burnt, there were no traces of that innocent face he has seen earlier, there were no tears on his face anymore , he was just staring at her body ,he tried to touch her body , but .. he went along with her dead body to the hospital , he was there with her body in the hospital till her parents reached the place handed over her body to them and was about to leave.
“Sekhar…” he heard a voice
He turned around to find that it was Priya, she straight away slapped him on his cheek, he didn’t react, he was staring at her with an expressionless face
“You Killed her…. You are the one who need to take the responsible of her death” she shouted, everyone was staring at them in the hospital, but he didn’t react to any of her words, she pulled him by his collor, “You are responsible for everything” she shouted and left the place to her family members where everyone was crying for Priya, The truth that she killed herself has been burnt in the fire, not even leaving a trace that she killed herself. Destiny!!!!
He left the hospital; he couldn’t take in more of what has happened to her, he couldn’t see her last rights being performed, it’s already too much for him, he couldn’t take in more, he’s dead from inside, no feelings, no emotions. Seeing her dead body killed him from inside, killed his soul. He drove the car, he didn’t knew where he was driving or where he was going, but all he murmured was “She’s no more.. She’s no more… I killed her… I killed her…..”
He doesn’t know what the time was, where he was or what he was doing… He was just wandering on those empty roads, thinking about her.
It was past midnight by the time he reached his apartment, he was quavering and due to the dizziness of alcohol, his steps were falling awkwardly, Because of the excessive alcohol inside him he felt asleep on the couch in the living room.
Next day he woke up with a dizzy mind, and the reality hit upon him again that she is no more; he felt like the walls were closing in towards him, every part of his apartment reminded him of her, the more he wanted to run away from the reality, the more closer he came towards her memories.
Days were just passing by, he locked himself in his apartment, it’s more than a month that she has been passed away, but he couldn’t just come over the fact and making his life hell for him.
One morning he was on bed rolling restlessly, his eye caught a paper fluttering on his desk; He knew that he hasn’t gone near that after that day. With curiosity, he grumpily went near his table, one look at it and he knew, who wrote it, it was a letter put in a diary.
“Hi Sekhar,
If your reading this letter now, then maybe I am no more in this world and you are deliberately on the verge of ruining your life, I know very well you would be ruining yourself thinking about me, But please Sekhar never do that, Please, if you want me to rest in peace, please don’t ruin your life, be happy for me please. I know it’s tough, but you need to do, if you keep on Suffering because of me, how I can be happy in the other world. Maybe everyone would be thinking that I was so selfish that I thought about myself that I have ruined my life, but you shouldn’t be like that, Fight for our dreams!! But Sekhar I have tried a lot in doing so but I couldn’t make it, I feel broken. I have felt so much in past that now I don’t want to feel anything!
Keeping aside all these things, Sekhar please don’t ruin your life, you should live up in this world for our dreams to come true! Only you knew what my inner dreams were! Will you keep your word of doing that? It’s a Promise you made!
Sekhar you would have lost yourself all these days, crying for me, wipe away those tears, coz I will be living in your smile :). I cannot see you crying and the reason being me!
There is a something waiting for you in the cupboard. But please don’t open it now, open it up when you feel happy thinking about me. Ok?
One more thing, whatever your feelings are, always pen down in this diary and feel like you are talking with me.
And one more thing Please make my wish come true. :) . Hoping that you would full my dream of ‘My Home’ for me! Sorry for us! I know you would do it! Don’t let your life down for one reason, there’s a lot for you to achieve and do in this life. That’s the last thing I wish from you!
Now shave away the beard, get yourself trimmed up and get involved in your work.
Always Yours
Anu
P.S. Open your cupboard”
There were tears rolling down his cheek with happiness , he felt like she has come to him and told all that , ‘she knew well about me’ he thought placing his hand on his over grown beard , it’s been ages he has shaved! He ran towards his cupboard, opened it and found a gift box, but he put it back in its place, he want to store her memories for future. On the inside door of the cupboard was a full-sized image of her pointing towards him and he closed his eyes shut.
“I am loser to lose you Anu” he thought, while a tear tried to escape he just stopped it , for his Anu , and the promise he made to her. Now his mission is to accomplish her dreams. He smiled today for her and for her dreams!
Sometimes there are no words to communicate the deep feelings of the heart
Two Years after Anu’s Death
“I Love you Sekhar”…
“Arrghhhhh… why don’t you understand that I don’t love you?” Sekhar poured out his anger on Anjali. It’s been two years since Anu has left this world, maybe it was two years for the world, but for him it’s an eternity. Anjali was his colleague who was in love with him for the past 6 months , even though he has been rejecting her , she was persistently pestering him.
“But why? There should be a reason for everything. I want to know the reason for you not accepting my love” she tried to be stubborn in front of him.
“It’s none of your business” he went away from that place leaving her
“Sekhar … Sekhar… “She was shouting running back of him, but her shouts fell on deaf ears.
That day evening, she was waiting for him near his car, she needs to get her answers and at any cost she is not ready to accept a ‘no’ from him.
Upon seeing her, his face confronted into an serious expression
“What do you need from me? Why don’t you leave me alone?”
“Why are you not accepting me into your life?”
“Coz I love someone else”
“Really? I don’t think so? If a guy is in love, he won’t be like you, I can definitely say that”
“It is up to you whether you believe me or not, and that’s the truth, please stop coming in my way”
“Show me the proof?” she shouted
He took out his wallet and showed the picture of theirs.
“She’s Beautiful and Lucky” she told him, he gave her broad smile
“Can I meet her?” she asked
“Sorry” he said and hopped into his car.
She sensed something weird about him, and followed him secretly. He went to the city outskirts, she couldn’t trace where he was going, definitely it was not the way for his apartment, and she knew that, after going a long journey he stopped in front of a big gate.
In front of the building was neatly inscribed “Anu’s Paradise”, she walked inside to find that it was an old age cum orphanage home , To one side kids are playing and on to the other side old people are relaxing chit-chating. It’s not looking like an orphanage or oldage home, it’s like a park where grandchildren were playing and grandfather and mothers are enjoying seeing their kids play. To the right side of the gate, she found buildings. She walked towards them she was awestruck at the beauty and how well the home has been done, and the name “Paradise” exactly fits in. She walked into the nearest building.
It was an empty hall, at one end of the hall was a picture of girl smiling, tugging her hair back, it was so natural and beautiful, It was Anu’s Picture , she was staring into the picture deeply , when someone came from the back placed a hand on the shoulder.
She shrieked, but composed herself in a minute and turned towards the person to find Sekhar there.
“What are you doing here?”He asked her
“I.. I… I…” she stammered
“You’ve been following me?” he asked her
She held her head down
“Look Anjali , Anu is no more in this world , Ive lost her 2 years back. And I’m just living for her dreams, and no one can fill the void she has created in me.
“What!!!!” He looked straight into her eyes
“She’s no more” he told her calmly
“How?.. I mean… What Happened to her?” she asked him in shock
“I killed her”
He took her to his apartment and told her about his past.
“After that day, I have never allowed anyone into my life, I have shut down all the emotions regarding Love and life, I have lost the only love that I always wanted to have in my life, It’s my fate , I feel Broken and I want to be that way. Hope you understand why I don’t want to have you in my life. Now please forget me and move on in your life, I’m just a memory to you” after telling her everything he let out a huge sigh looking towards her, he handed over a cup of coffee to her.
Sipping her coffee, she was listening to the playing that Anu has given him in the station, she doesn’t know why, but there was a very heavy lump in her throat. She cleared her throat and asked him
“No one knew that she killed herself?”
“Nope. That was the irony, God has saved her from that bad name” he smiled sadly
“No you have been saved from the bad name” she shot back
“Hmm.. Maybe.. That was true.. But I feel bad Coz I didn’t get a chance to save her.. If I just had one chance of saving her…I would have never…… ” he went back to the time where he missed her in the first station.
“What was in that gift she has left for you? When did you open it?” she asked him, bringing him back to the situation.
“It was the video recordings of her last days she spent with me, actually she thought she would take them with her as her memory, but then she decided the other way and left the copy with me. I opened the cover, when I have successfully accomplished her dream of ‘My Home” an year back , I mean I renamed it as Anu’s Paradise , That day I was so happy , that I felt like sharing it with her , so I opened it on that day. After seeing what it was, I felt like she was with me, this was the best gift she has left me with, May be this is the only thing I can do for her, it’s my Taj Mahal for her” he smiled broadly at his last sentence,
“Can I see the video?” He played the video for her, she’s stopping her tears, and they were really wonderful couple, made for each other.
“God Why have you done this to them?” she murmured, he played the video for her, he was lost into the video clipping fully engrossed, she was watching the video and him , how ardently he was watching Anu in the video , she could find love in his eyes for her.
And at the last came a self-recording of hers saying “Thank you for those wonderful Moments, I Love you Sekhar Forever. Keep Smiling. Try to find a beautiful life partner; don’t waste your life thinking about me. I should be a good memory to you, when you think about me; a smile should be plastered on your face, Understand mister? Hmm.. Well good bye forever Jaanu, Love you Loads!!” She felt like she missed Anu, more than him, this one day has changed the perspective of her attitude towards Life and Love.
She sipped into her coffee, thinking deeply “But why did you leave her in the first place?” she asked him, prodding him deeper
“Whatever you learnt now is enough, and now no more questions “he said her with an authority in his voice.
“Why?” she asked him further
“You learnt too much about me. Now it’s enough”
“No… You should tell me” she insisted
He looked at her, ‘maybe it would make me feel better if I share it with her’ he thought for a while, whether to tell her or not, finally he decided to tell her.
“Well … I have a sister, her name is Aditi… She was the apple of our family; we bought her up as a princess. She has never asked anything, because before she asks anything, everything would be in front of her. My dad and my sister were inseparables! She fell in love with a guy, who turned out to be our distance relative, which led to all these things” he said letting out a huge sigh.
“How did that relate to your love?”
“Well.. as soon as she disclosed her love matter at home , we were all like happy , My dad will never say no to her and asked her who was that guy , we enquired about the guy and found out about him , after we have been satisfied with him and his family background , me and my dad went to the guy’s house to speak about them , and if everything is ok , to finalize their marriage , there came another twist , the guy’s father liked me in that instance and asked me to marry his daughter to which my dad agreed without knowing that I am in love with Anu ,
After coming back from there , I told him everything about our love , he didn’t accept and gave his final word that I should marry her , giving me the reasons that Anu was different caste and status, I argued and I fought with him, he just told that ‘if you think of your happiness then just move out of this house leaving your sister’s life at stake’….
He was afraid to put his daughter’s life at stake forgetting that I’m his son. I was totally lost and confused, whether I should be a good brother or good lover, I was confused to which part of me should sacrifice, I cannot leave my sister’s life at stake and go with my life, nor I cannot leave Anu and marry someone else. I was frustrated, irritated, I simply told her that My dad is not accepting and to forget me, I know it’s tough but there was no other go for me, at that instant I felt my role as a brother is important , I don’t know how I was at that time , When my sister learnt about this , she called up Anu and told for us to elope but we know we both are not interested in doing anything that will bring disgrace to our families , Even though I told her to forget me, I’ve been fighting at my home , but things didn’t change , my sister supported me , but my dad didn’t accept at all.
One day when my sister couldn’t bare my pain anymore , without my knowledge she went to the guy’s family and she told them everything , even though they weren’t ready to accept , but the girl whom I was about to marry cancelled the marriage knowing about my love saying that when a guy loves someone else , he definitely cannot be her man , so she called of the marriage , and asking her dad to get my sister and her brother to get married , my sister called me up and told me what has happened , I was happy and relieved , but then my dad was so stubborn even though they have cancelled the marriage and accepted for my sister’s love , he didn’t accept our love because I went against his word and that I brought disgrace to him, he was totally frustrated and outraged with me ,
After my sister’s marriage I left my home , came back to Chennai and started living all by myself , I didn’t know that Aditi has told her everything, until I have listened to the recording…..” he choked , Anjali handed him a glass of water, he drank and sat back on the cushion , closed his eyes.
“You should have told her this and asked her to wait, why have you left her like that?” she asked with tears brimming, she felt the pain of his and Anu’s as well
“After that day I have never talked with my dad again , I have tried to tell about this to Anu , but I have stopped myself in doing so , because I left her in the middle of the chaos , I don’t have the right to ask her to come back into my life, and many more what-if questions, At first , It has taken me a lot of courage to ignore her calls and messages at first , I know what pain she has gone through because of my ignorance , after ignoring her so much , how could I even ask her to come back into my life ,I couldn’t dare to tell her anything , I am a coward , Even when she wished me on my birthday , I tried telling her but couldn’t , with my incompetence nature I have lost her… my life….”
“But then, when she came here, why didn’t you tell her then at least?”
“That was the mistake I have done…” he was completely broken and was crying like a child uncontrollably
“Why?”
“For the final time I thought of talking with my dad , even though his answer would be a no, I thought to inform him that I will not marry anyone except her, and giving him my final verdict,and then talking to her parents and ask for her hand in marriage and I didn’t tell her anything coz I thought I would surprise her by meeting her parents , but before I could do anything….” He was still crying, “I lost her….” He was crying uncontrollably
“Cry out Sekhar, cry till there would be no tears to weep… cry out till all the pain dries out from your heart”
“There is no end to this pain Anjali , never ………, Thanks for listening to me patiently, I have never told anyone or cried in years , I don’t know why but I have shared everything with you”
She placed her hand on his shoulder and said “I will wait till your pain dries out and I want hold your hand all my life” she said
“No Anjali, never can you expect that from me, the only girl I wanted was Anu, The only girl I wanted to share my life was her, no one can replace her… I’m broken and I want to stay that way…”
“With time some wounds do heal, I will wait for you till your wounds heal …”
“No Anjali , this is not a wound , it’s my life , only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful.
There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.
You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate that will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life. She was part of my life and will be till my end , there is no space for anyone , My only happiness lies in the foundation I have started for her , making her dream come true there is nothing more for me in this life and…..…”
Interrupting him, someone knocked on the door, both turned to see who it was, a small girl came running towards Sekhar shouting “Sekharrrrrrr…”
Upon seeing her , his face turned up and he opened his arms for her, she came into his hands jumping; he lifted her and twirled her round…
“Oh… Sorry… Anjali, She is Ananya, Ananya she is Anjali, my friend”
“Hi Anjali … “Ananya chirped with a happy tone
“Who’s she Sekhar?” she asked taking the girl from him
“She is my Aditi’s daughter, My junior Anu” he said proudly looking at her
“Anu?” she put up a question mark on her face
“Anu’s complete name is Ananya” he continued, “My sister named her as Ananya, telling me that she is my Ananya, Once in a while my sister drops her here for a week’s stay or so with me”
“Sekhar, my gifts?” Ananya asked him pulling his shirt and licking her lollipop; Sekhar went inside, Anjali took Ananya and asked her “where is your mother?”
“She went away” she told cutely, still licking her lollipop
He bought a big teddy bear and gave it to her
“Now my gift” he asked her
She pulled his shirt, he bent down on his knees, she placed a kiss on his cheeks, took her into his hands and twirling her again and again.
“So Anu’s Paradise and Ananya is what you dream of now, Right?” Anjali asked him
“Yes…” he was still holding Ananya in his hands and twirling her, planted a kiss on her cheek, the happiness she found in his eyes after seeing Ananya, Anjali left the place with contentment. No one can ever find a person like Sekhar in this present trend, where breakups have become a trend. His life now revolves around junior Anu and ‘Anu’s Paradise.’
__END__
