Another chance

” Patricia , your pills . You took them ? ”  He asked .

I frowned or maybe scowled a little but didn’t response .

Gerard took the hold of my arm and spoke ” I am asking you something”

His eyes soft and tender. Never letting me think straight.

“I did and if I didn’t then I would have , stop asking “. Words came out in a reflex.

 

The sad part – I didn’t regret them. Not even a single bit.  I let them flow. I let them do whatever they were going to , in the next few seconds .

 

“Maybe it’s because I want you to breathe for as long as possible”

“Stop smothering me with this, for god’s sake”

 

I threw my feet along the corridor and slammed the door behind me.

Leaving him, alone. Confined.

I didn’t even bother about what I had said. Why I had said and especially to whom I had said.

 

Dragging myself in the coldest winter night, I placed myself on the benches near the lake. The ones where the defeated sit. The lovers lie. The life begins or just about to meet its end.

I sat there labelling myself as the former one.

 

Right in front of me, the lake water had the shades of dark blue following the orders of the wind. There was nothing new except the empty benches. They were always filled up but that night fate wanted me to be only one . The only one with tenuous thoughts.

 

I still sat there hoping to find a way to stop things or perhaps go back in time where I could fix things. Things that I’d ruined with alcohol. Relations that I had left behind and then come back to this place again. With Gerard. Life would’ve been different.

I ruined it .

 

After fighting with my thoughts, I decided to go back home but an old man caught my eye . He was sitting not on the benches but on the edge of a side of the lake. Working with hands , smiling , pointing out the sky . Like he was talking to someone. Someone whom he thought to live. No preconceptions I could make. No assumptions, just the confusion. I went closer to him and waited him to notice me. When he did, I asked –

 

“Sir, I’m sorry to interrupt but do you need any help?”

“Regarding what? Don’t I look fine to you?” He said in an innocent voice.

“Sir, umm . ” I couldn’t say anything. Not a single word wanted to be uttered.

“Mary doesn’t like your presence, please go” He said rather in a put out tone.

 

Confusion reached a height. Was there anyone else than the man I completely ignored? Or is it an old age sickness?

I stood there, of course in a distance trying to figure out what just happened. Pinched myself even after being sure that I wasn’t dreaming.

 

A teenage came to me and stood next to me. Smart enough to comprehend what I was thinking.

“That’s my grandfather. He’s not crazy if that’s what you are thinking” He said gently like he had said these lines many times.

“Oh. No I wasn’t. I was trying to figure out what is he doing” I lied the first part.

“He misses gran Mary. It’s because of him she died. He never took care of her and when she died of cancer. He stayed in remorse. Still is. He loved her and her corpse was the only way to make him realize that.”

Pause.

“Are you saying she could have lived more?”

“Maybe. But she chose love instead of life”

 

A comforting smile ? A sad face ? I couldn’t chose any . Heavy breaths . They only came my way. I could join the dots. He believed she was still alive.

 

His immense love, late recognized .

 

Is love really brutal or is it us? It hurts when people don’t love us. When they do, we don’t love them back. It hurts when someone leaves. When they stay, we give them a reason why they shouldn’t.

 

A while changed it all .Made me realize how people are important, how Gerard is and that fate had given me another chance. To redeem. To make things right. To stay with him as long as I breathed for I could be soon in heavens.

 __END__