Story of Friendship and Love – Our Forever
Photo credit: Oleander from morguefile.com
“Some wounds never heal. You may seem intact from outside but deep inside you are bleeding and breaking every single moment. This may slow down for a while but a little stab of time can rip you apart into pieces again.”
I was teaching a group of children in a village of Spiti valley when I saw a child of about 5 years running towards me. I think he was attracted to the colorful images strewn all over the place. All the students were playing with colors. These bright colors are enough to pull any child. So, I asked him if he would also like to paint. He said yes and I gave him some paper and colors to fill in his imagination.
As I was watching him, he looked quite familiar, somebody that I know. But how could that be possible? I have lost all the contact with the outer world since I came here and this boy certainly doesn’t belong here. So, I shrugged the thought and started to guide students.
As soon as I finished with the class, I saw the boy running towards somebody, maybe his parents, I thought. I turned around and what I saw pushed me back to 10 years in time.
10 years ago
I was a bubbly, fun loving 25 year old girl devoid of any worries or tensions in life. I loved my life, my job, my friends, my family. I had one passion in life – to travel. To travel as many places as possible, alone or with friends, near or far. I especially loved mountains. There was a certain charm about them which always pulled me. I loved their ruggedness, the challenges they pose to human beings. But I had never thought that one day I will make mountains my hamlet. But that’s life, unexpected and abrupt.
Dev was my best friend, somebody whom I can share my weirdest dreams, fantasies, travel plans but little did I know then that life had other plans for me. We were like a small gang. I didn’t need anybody else when I was with him. I could talk to him all day and never get bored. Everything was perfect but the irony with all perfect things is that they never last too long and I was no exception.
I remember the day vividly. It was after I had returned home from a biking trip to Leh. Those twenty days there without talking to him had made me realize how much I miss him. Now that’s unusual and scary for me to miss somebody. I was a kind of girl who lives in present. It has been always out of sight out of mind scenario for me, not that I don’t care for people around me it’s just I don’t miss any body when they are not around.
I called up Dev immediately after I returned. After all I had to give him a customary day by day account of Leh. The conversation was pretty usual except that the feelings were new and different. Suddenly he mentioned about a girl in his office that he likes. It wasn’t the first time he was telling me about his crushes or flings and I never felt bad. But this time it hurt me. I didn’t want to share him with anyone else.
Days passed but I was always thinking about him. I had to do something. So, I decided that I am going to confess my feelings for him. I made the mistake of falling in love with my best friend and now I was going to make another mistake of confessing my love to him. I wish if I had been a little stronger and just buried my feelings, he would still be with me. Those 3 words ruined everything we had.
“I want you to know something. I love you Dev. I have always liked you since the first time I met you. But I have always known that we can’t be together. So I wanted to keep you as my friend and never thought of us as a couple. It was working fine but since past few days, no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking about you. Whatever is your answer, all I want you to know is that we will be friends first”, I said.
He never liked me the way I did and so we remained friends. Gradually, the friendship also started to fade away. We were never the same after that. My best friend, now he existed only in photographs, whatsapp and facebook profiles and of course in my memories. Every day, I wished he would call or message me, maybe for our friendship but the day never arrived. My hope started to diminish with each passing day.
Six months had passed since we stopped talking. Life was getting unbearable. I wished to run somewhere where I won’t be haunted by his memories. Travel has always been a rescue from the mundane life for me. When the pain became really unbearable, I left for Spiti and decided never to come back. I left behind my city life, my job and my family. I wish I could also leave behind my memories but that never happened. The void created by his absence could never be filled.
A tug from a child brought me back to present. Dev was standing in the courtyard with a woman, probably his wife. He looked happy and content with her exactly what I sometimes used to envision for us. He always said to me that he is never going to marry. But there he was happily married.
I had so many unanswered questions.
Did he ever miss me while I was gone?
Were we even friends?
Was I important for him at any point of time?
The list was endless but some questions are better left unanswered or maybe they don’t have any answers.
I started to walk away. I thought love is like energy. It can’t be created or destroyed. It only changes its form. My love for Dev never vanished. In fact, it has been multiplied manifold amongst these children.
__END__
