I did not have the courage to say goodbye to Rose on the day when I was leaving for Pune. I talked to her on phone and asked her to concentrate on studies. She was about to cry on the phone but somehow managed. I assured her that the two years would pass very fast and then we would get married. She instructed me to take care of myself and to write her regularly.
In a gloomy environment at my house I left for Pune by Golden Temple Mail. My parents came along to the railway station and were depressed as I was leaving my home for the first time for such a long time. My mother was very worried and so were my brothers and sister. With tears in my eyes I left for Pune.
I had a passport size photograph of Rose in my purse. I took out my wallet and continuously stared at her photograph with the happy moments rushing in my mind, which we had together. I didn’t know when I felt asleep with her photograph in my hands.
It took nearly a week for me to settle down in the new environment with new people around. As decided earlier I used to call Rose twice a week. I was working very hard to get first rank in the university. I secured highest marks among a hundred and eighty students of MBA in the internal exams. Rose was very happy at my achievement. I turned out to be the best student in the eyes of my faculty members so they started expecting the first position from me in the university from our college.
I was burning the midnight oil to stand true to the expectations. Three days just before my exams for the first semester I had a severe pain in my stomach. I was vomiting since morning. My room mates gave me medicine but it didn’t work. Due to the acute pain in my stomach I was unable to lie down properly on bed. My friends in the hostel suggested me to come to hospital but I was adamant and didn’t agree. My condition turned worse as I vomited for more than thirty times since the morning. I never knew when I became unconscious and my friends admitted me in the hospital down the hill near our college.
On the next morning when I opened my eyes I was on a different bed than the normal one. My friends were standing around and I was on liquid glucose with the needle of the cannula pinching under the skin of my right hand. “Don’t worry you are still alive”, one of my friend cracked a joke to me. I was overwhelmed by seeing the love and care of my friends. I thanked God for giving me such good friends. The Doctor came for the check up and told me that I had to be there for at least three days. I was shocked to hear that as my exams were starting after two days. I insisted to go to hostel the same day to which the Doctor denied. I requested my friends to get me relieved from the hospital as early as possible. One of my friends, a bachelor in pharmacy agreed to my request on a condition that I would take rest in the hostel and would not take stress by studying. I accepted his condition and by the evening I was in my hostel room. I took my books and tried my level best to study something but due to weakness I was unable to concentrate.
I used to tie up my stomach with a piece of cloth after putting pad clips on it. This was the only remedy I thought was working as the medicines seemed to be ineffective to my pain. I didn’t reveal about my illness to Rose and my family. When my exams got over I was happy to return to my house after a span of nearly six months. I was a bit scared to face my family because I knew that they would be traumatized by looking at me as I became very weak. It happened as expected by me. My mother started crying at seeing my health. I was under complete supervision of my parents as they thought that it was not merely due to the unavailability of proper diet. They told me clearly that I would not move to Pune again till I recovered completely.
I called up Rose but she was not at home. I was eager to meet her. It was really a big duration of exile for me. I wanted to hear her soft voice. There were a lot of things about my college I wanted to tell her. I was unable to resist so I went to her college to see her. I enquired about her in the college but to my surprise she didn’t come to the college that day. I became skeptic about her. It was a sudden jolt for me to bear without choice. I went to my house thinking about Rose.
In the evening while I was having tea with my Mother when Rose called me up. I behaved in a cold manner as I didn’t want her to get the reflection of my thoughts. She wanted to meet me as early as possible as I was. So we decided to go to the same garden where we used to meet.
I reached there early as I took my Father’s scooter. The place had changed a lot from what it was six months back.
“Change is the law of nature, it kills the static.
Nothing remains same, the world is dynamic.”
I was now more worried and thought that what would happen if Rose would have also changed in the last six months. It was painful to think like that but its human nature to get inclined towards negative thoughts. I saw Rose from a long distance walking towards me with her smiling face. Her beautiful smile was still intact. God had really put efforts for this creativity. She came rushing with a bag on her shoulder. The bag was not that brown coloured bag which she used to have. Her hair appeared to be shorter than earlier. “Oh! God let her change everything but not her love for me”, I started praying due to my idiosyncrasies. She came there and stood near me without speaking anything.
“The silence was threatening
Her eyes were questioning
My love was angry as was I
But none of us was complaining”
Rose broke the silence and asked me why I didn’t write her a single letter in the last six months. I was unable to make an excuse because Rose could easily read my face. I said sorry to her and enquired where she was in the afternoon. She tried to avoid answering my question but I was adamant to know. She told me about her friend Sameer who was her classmate in her college. My heart started pouncing under my ribs. She said that she was with Sameer the whole day as he was feeling depressed due to failure in the exams. Though I didn’t ask any questions to her but was thinking, “Why only she is so bothered about him?”
It was really a difficult situation for me to manage. I was constantly trying to console myself that Rose was only mine. My heart had faith in her but the dirty mind was raising questions. I was unable to resist and enquired what the issue really was. Rose got a jolt from the blue by hearing such words from me. She angrily explained me everything which I wanted to know and walked away for her home. I tried a lot to stop her but she didn’t respond to any of my requests. I really felt guilty for being skeptic about Rose. With a sorry feeling in my heart I went home.
The whole night I constantly thought about how to say sorry to her. The next morning I called up Rose and asked her to meet me in the garden. She said that she will not come but I told her that I’ll wait for her. I went there early with a red rose for her as I knew that she will definitely come. She did come as I expected but she was with accompanied by a boy. My heart started pouncing again with the doubts hovering over my mind. She introduced me to Sameer, the boy who came with her. I greeted him warmly as nothing had happened. Rose asked me to clarify all my suspicions regarding her relationship with Sameer. I said sorry to both of them for my idiosyncrasies. They were gregarious enough to forgive me. Sameer and I turned into very good friends. He was really a nice guy to be with and I enjoyed his company. Whenever Rose and I planned to meet I used to call Sameer also. My vacations got over very soon and I returned to Pune with a promise to Rose that I’ would write to her regularly.
I was into my studies as the subjects were too typical in the second semester. In spite of my hectic schedule I made it a point to write letters to Rose and Sameer. I did well in my second semester exams. I was happy to come to my hometown for my summer internship. Sameer came to the railway station to receive me. We shared a lot of things while coming down to my house. I called up Rose from Sameer’s mobile phone and asked her to come to Sameer’s room at 11:30. I had a heavy breakfast that day as I was eating something good after such a long time.
Rose gave me a smile as I entered the room. Sameer was busy preparing tea for all of us. There was a glow on her face. My love was looking so gorgeous that cannot be defined in words. I can confidently say that God has not given the same eyes and smile to someone else as she has got. Sameer came with three cups of tea and some biscuits for all of us. While relishing the flavorsome tea we had a gala time. Meanwhile Sameer got a call on his mobile and he left us there alone. Rose became a bit serious and asked me when we would get married. The question had enough weight that I was unable to make fun of it as I usually did. I told her that as soon as I finished my course I would marry her. We left that place as Sameer didn’t turn up.
I completed my summer training and left for Pune again to pursue my studies with the dreams for our bright future.
I decided that I would not come to my house till I got a good job. The campus placements started as soon as the third semesters began. I got selected for a pharmaceutical company with an annual package of Rs. 2.75 lakhs. I was on the top of the world and wanted to share this good news with my family and friends. I called up Rose and told her in detail about my selection. She was so happy for me that her voice got stuck in her throat. I asked her to tell this news to Sameer as my pocket did not allow me to make an STD call to him. I called at my house and told my mother about my achievement. She blessed me and asked to take care of my health. I had some problems on the health front but I never disclosed it to anybody, not even to Rose. My determination to achieve my goal gave me strength to fight my illness.
My result for the second semester came and I became the topper with 82% marks. It was really a great achievement to share with my well wishers. I didn’t come to my house in the vacations after my third semester as I joined a winter project with a company. Rose was angry but she somehow understood my problems. I sacrificed my priorities for the sake of that project. This was a testing period for me and I was resolute to be successful. The short days of winter turned into the hot summer days with wild storms rushing to burn everything into ashes. The calendar rushed from January to April without being noticed by me. I appeared for my final semester with full enthusiasm to score as much as I could. On the valediction day all of the hostel students had a big party in the hostel. I was unhappy to part from such good friends. Most of us were weeping while we left each other forever.
I was given fifteen days time by my company to join the job at Kolhapur. While I was on the journey to my city I thought, “What will I do if my parents will not accept Rose? What if her parents say no to our marriage? How can I hurt the feelings of my family? Should I marry Rose without the wish of our parents? How will the society treat my family? What will happen to my parent’s image in the society? Will I be happy making all my family members sad?” The questions were floating in my mind. I really started thinking for the first time about the differences of caste, creed and societal restrictions. I was vexed that how would I manage to run over all the hurdles between Rose and I. I decided to talk to Rose about the matter as soon as possible.
As usual Sameer came to receive me. I thought of talking to him on the way to home but resisted from disclosing my inhibitions to him. My family members were happy to see me back at home after nearly seventeen months. Everything at my house seemed to be same but I found it really awkward to be in a different place than my hostel room. I told my father about the job and the place, Kolhapur, where I needed to join. He didn’t give any positive response as I had expected. I called up Rose and we decided to meet at Sameer’s room in the evening.
Rose entered the room with a packet of sweets while Sameer and I were playing cards. She opened the packet and gave it to me. The sweets were for my success. Sameer left us alone and went to meet his other friends. All my worries got dissolved in the divine smile of Rose. We shared a lot of things from our college life. Rose suddenly said, “Now we can get married as you have got a nice job.”
I nodded my head to assert “yes” but didn’t speak anything. She read what I wanted to hide.
“What’s wrong with you? Are you alright?” Rose asked me in a concerned voice.
I asked Rose to come with me for a long ride. She requested me to wait till Sameer returned but I told her to lock the room and leave. I drove her kinetic and we went on a long ride. After driving for nearly half an hour Rose asked me to stop and check the fuel tank. We were really lucky to check it at that moment only as there was only sufficient fuel to come back to our place. We thought of finding a petrol filling station nearby but after interaction with the people around we came to know that it was too far from that place. Rose bought some biscuits and chips packets from the shop and told me that we could go to her uncle’s farmhouse nearby that place. I agreed to the suggestion as enforced by the situation. I was feeling it difficult to hide my feelings from Rose. We sat in the farms with flush green grass near the well and started eating. Rose got hold of my hand in her soft hands. She sensitively asked me, “Why are you so sad?”
Though I wanted to make an excuse but was unable to do so with the divine power of her hands forcing me to speak nothing but the truth. I asked Rose that if her parents would not allow this marriage then what we could do. She nervously left my hand and replied, “I am ready to run away with you.”
My heart beats started ringing in my ears because it was something unexpected. I asked her to discuss the matter with her parents and assured her that I would do the same at my house. She agreed and consoled me that everything would turn as per our wish. We returned after spending one hour there. Rose dropped me at Sameer’s room as I had the keys. I waited there for Sameer to return but he didn’t turn up. I left the keys with the neighboring student and returned.
I was chanting the names of all the Gods so as to get the courage to speak to my parents about Rose and me. My father called me up for discussing about my future plans. I told him about the job offer I had at Kolhapur. I tried a lot but was unable to speak anything to him. In a depressed mindset I came to my room. I was constantly thinking about Rose. I started analyzing the pros and cons of our marriage without the wish of our parents. It was actually not easy for me to take a decision against my family.
“What will happen to the image of my family in the society? Will the society accept my family if I take a wrong step? Will my parents ever forgive me and accept us? What about the expectations they have from me? How can I ditch them for my own feelings? How can I sacrifice the love and affection they had bestowed on me to get my wish?”
With the questions piercing my heart I spent the sleepless night. The next morning I called up Rose and asked her to meet me in the garden. Her tone was dull and I could refer easily that she had cried a lot. The inferences I made injected a different kind of soreness in my heart. I tried to be normal and after having a cup of tea I left for the garden. My mind was totally blank with no concrete decision appearing to get a solution. I saw Rose sitting on a bench in the garden with her head down in her lap. I quietly sat near her and waited for her to start the conversation.
She said, “Sorry, I was unable to discuss with my parents. I love them very much. I love you too. Please tell me what I should do. If you want I am ready to run away with you.”
I was speechless. The words in my throat stuck as if a knot tied on a water pipe does not allow the water to flow further. I confessed to Rose that even I didn’t speak to my parents.
I said, “I don’t want to win you after loosing my family and I expect that you also will not want to do that. Yesterday I kept the love of my family members on one side of the balance and yours on its other side. I was very confused as the love for my family members was heavier than that for you. I cannot go against their wish. I have to fulfill all their expectations. Taking any decision against their wish might make me happy for the time being but in the long run I will always criticize myself for that sin. I hope you can understand my position. I do not want to lose you still and promise you that I will do what you want me to.”
I saw tears coming out of the most beautiful eyes in the world. A thick line of tears was aiding the pearls to flow down her cheeks slowly. In a poignant voice she said, “I think you are right. I do not want our family members to suffer because of us. What if we do not get married but we can be good friends forever.”
She hugged me while weeping loudly which pushed the tears blocked in my eyes to flow like water released through a dam. This was the first time we had hugged each other. It was very painful to depart from Rose that day but her support made it possible for me. We left for our places with a promise to be friends and only good friends forever.
“I saw dreams shattering
I saw my love slaughtered
I saw myself paralyzed
I saw Rose strangled.”
Next morning Rose called me up and told me that she was leaving for Jaipur with her family the same day as her father got her a good job there.
I am left alone …
Romy
(Akhilesh Jain)
