I fell asleep easier than I would have thought possible considering my very life was hanging in the balance. It had after all been the strangest day of my life, hands down, but I knew tomorrow would be even stranger. Damn I could have watched Carson if I would have been here a little earlier, oh well.
I awoke rolled over and looked at the clock, 10:50 it took me a moment to gather my bearings, not where I was but when? I turned on the TV and went to wash my face and brush my teeth. “And remember as always champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” I stuck my head out of the bathroom, it was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with Robin Leach, I used to watch this show all the time. “So join us as we follow the travels of the rich and powerful as they spend their summer playing in Europe.” Where’s a joint when you need one?
I was starving but again there was no way I was ordering room service. No sir, I was on my way to The Ebenezer Dog Grill. I know it’s a strange name but it serves the best hot dog I have ever eaten, so good it was one of the last things I was thinking about before almost killing myself. The original owner sold it in 94 and though still there in 2014 it had never found that original magic even after changing hands several times. I ordered The Gut Bomb, I’d always loved the names as much as the hot dogs: slaw, chili, onions, mustard, cheese, and ketchup. It was my “drug” of choice. I’ve since had a 1000 hot dogs in 100 different places, I’m a hot dog connoisseur ,if that’s even possible, but none have been even close to as good as Ebenezer’s. I got ready to take a bite, stopped and wondered if there was any way it could be as good as I remembered? Or was it a memory pruned of everything bad, leaving only the good and since life is both good and bad the memory can never meet expectations. I took a bite. Was it as good? No, better.
I left the grill and headed to The Cinema, today was after all the world premiere of Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield. He was my favorite comedian; in 2014 he had been dead 10 years. I laughed until I cried. It was 1:55 when I climbed in the car and headed back to my room. I’d rented it for a second day as a base of operation, because who knew after I meet me tonight Rafe may appear and offer me yet another day in 1986 or I may instantly be back in 2014, either way I was covered. It was time to go over what I was going say one last time. Around 6:00 I felt a twinge of hunger, and considering this in all likelihood was my “Last Supper” of 1986, I headed out. If asked to name my favorite restaurant of 1986 it was an easy choice, the Knothole. My mom not only hated to cook she wasn’t very good at it when she did try, which gratefully hadn’t been often, therefore we ate out, a lot. In 05 the Knothole was flattened to make way for condos. But here it was in all of its 1986 glory. I couldn’t even finish my favorite sandwich, the nitty-gritty grinder.
“Can I get a togo box for you?” The red head asked.
“Do you think it will still be good in 28 years?”
“Huh?”
“Nothing” I said “And no I’m done.” I stiffed the waitress on the tip; I imagined her telling the others, “I’ll remember that face and the next time he comes in…” yeah good luck with that one.
I pulled into the Money’s parking lot at 7:32 PM, chasing a cigarette with a Mountain Dew. It was a habit I’d given up 17 years earlier, smoking that is but considering the enormity of the moment, not to mention in 1986 I was a smoker, so not smoking might be considered a 2014 footprint right? I was still thinking about the best way to approach me. While sitting in the parking lot I decided I would go inside The Money, wait until 8:43 then head to the parking lot, meet me on my way in, talk, continue to my car, climb in, leave, neat, easy, clean. There was even two large windows that looked directly into the parking lot, seeing me pull up would be easy enough, it was perfect. And while I waited, I could have a quick drink on a Friday night at The Money, something I hadn’t done in 20 plus years.
I took a deep breath and walked in, the rush of memories caused me to sway, as if I’d already had a few drinks. The Galaga machine, the pool tables, the dance floor, each radiated a plethora of memories: the night I won a $100 from an arch enemy in a game of pool, countless drunken nights on the dance floor doing the white boy shuffle.
“What can I get you?” The bartender asked. I looked over, it was Derek. He’d been the bartender damn near every night I could remember. He was looking at me strangely. The cold hand of nerves clenched me, did he recognize me?
“Jack and Coke.” I answered and quickly turned away hoping the absence of my face would cause his curiosity to wane.
“Three dollars.” He was waiting not with the look of a man trying to access a memory barely out of reach, but simply a bartender waiting for his money.
I gave him a five, “Keep the change.”
“Thanks.”
I turned and surveyed the small crowd gathered. I quickly realized the origin of his puzzled look had nothing to do with recognizing me, no it was much simpler: I was old. I glanced around the room, of the other 20 or so people; I was easily the oldest probably by double. I glanced at my watch, 7:50 PM, I hoped I got to keep the watch; it was a 1985 Casio digital C- 110 and it’s worth a fortune in my time. Dereck’s look started me wondering what if someone else recognizes me and this whole situation gets turned into a cluster fuck, like a scene from a Quinten Tarrintino movie. Usually when we see a familiar face from the past, we recognize that person by comparing the past to the present; these people would be comparing the future to the present. I thought I was safe, I was wrong.
“Zack?” I turned to find an attractive blonde staring at me with the same puzzled look Al had worn the night before. It was Christy, we had “dated” briefly, which in college speak meant we had hooked up for more than three nights in a row; it had been closer to two weeks. “Is that you Zack? It’s me Christy, Ashley’s roommate”
“Do I know you?” I had to play dumb what was the alternative? “Come a little closer Christy. Yeah it’s me. Zack I mean, but not the 1986 Zack you know, no I’m Zack from 2014 sent here to…”, yeah that would go over real well. I was trying to be short, hoping she would drop it.
“Do you have a younger brother named Zack?” She asked. Damn she’s good. I quickly finished my drink.
“Well Christy right? It was very nice meeting you. I wish you the best.” I extended my hand.
“You know my name but I don’t…”
“Sam” I interrupted, I hated being rude but time was ticking and this was one meeting I couldn’t be late too. Her gaze finally returned to her friends, I headed for the door, when the Galaga machine caught my attention yet again. I had been the undisputed champ, and had defended many a title in this very spot. I glanced down; the high score screen was flashing;
- 132,125 ZRS
- 121090 ZRS
- 118720 ZRS
- 116360 ZRS
- 88920 DLK
Four out of five of the top scores were mine, it brought a smile and yet another cascade of memories of how much I had loved this game and the hours spent in front of it. The only other initials to appear; DLJ, David Lee Keller my arch nemesis. He was also the one on the losing end of the $100 game of pool I had mentioned earlier. How could I have so easily and totally forgotten him just as I had Quark, the Money, cruising on a summer night in my car, Johnny the list goes on and on. Had life stolen them or had I just lost them? It didn’t matter I was grateful to 1986 and Rafe for helping me capture them again. And this time I swore I wasn’t going to lose them.
I reached into my pocket found a quarter and got ready to play but I glanced at my watch 8:07, T minus 8 minutes and counting probably not enough time for a whole game, but what the hell I had a few memories to relive, it took less than 3 minutes, I wasn’t nearly as good as I used to be, was, am, whatever. After watching the death of my final ship, I glanced at my watch it was now in countdown mode: 4:59, 4:58, 4:57, another nice Rafe touch. Meeting me inside was definitely out of the question, especially in the presence of Christie, I could imagine her face when she saw the two of us talking. So there I stood looking out the window, waiting to walk out and meet me. : 59…:58…:57.
The sight of my 50th anniversary 300ZX passing by sent my heart racing and me out the front door. I had spent my entire life without a defining moment but that was about to change in spades. 45…:44…:43. I lit a smoke and stepped out the door, heading to a rendezvous with myself and hopefully a second chance. I thought I would be nervous instead for the first time in my life I felt as though I was exactly where I should be. :03…:02…:01…:00. A new countdown started: 15:00…14:59…14:58.
We made eye contact for the first time. I wore the same look at had seen many others wearing in the last 36 hours. But with less than 15 minutes there would be no time for small talk, I had to get right to the point, “Yeah, I’m you, from the future. Don’t ask me how this happened…the how doesn’t matter; only that it is. But convincing you I’m really you from the future that’s the trick. I thought about telling you who wins the next 10 Super Bowl and World Series, but that’s against the rules, no 2014 footprints in 1986.”
The 86 me was listening, and understandably appeared confused.
“I can’t mention the future, but nothing was said about the past.” I glanced at my watch 13:30, 13:29, 13:28……
”Remember when Gram died?” I’d always called her Gram, I hoped the name lent credibility.
“We didn’t, well couldn’t, cry at her funeral. But when we got home and went on the back patio, lit a smoke and cried like a baby.” I could tell by his expression he too was remembering. ”The time we got arrested for shoplifting, we told the security guard that dad had run off and our mom had kicked us out. How we were just stealing to eat and he believed us. Remember what he gave us right before he let us go?” The old me was nodding.
“Twenty dollars” we said in perfect unison. It was something I had never told anyone, so I was sure he hadn’t either.
“I don’t have but a few minutes Zack so please just listen. I know this is all very strange to you but it’s been even stranger for me. You are going to cross paths with Tommy Davis next Friday at 2:39 PM.”
”I haven’t seen Tommy in years.” I interrupted; I wasn’t a good listener back then.
“Tommy is going to have a roommate named Hassan who will become your best friend. Over the next {six months} we are about to embark on drug sex and rock ‘n roll binge that will…”a smile crossed my lips, “… that, as you can see, makes me smile until this very day.” My smile quickly disappeared. “But I, I mean we don’t smile much anymore, hell I can’t remember the last time we did.”
The fun of the last 28 hours had almost made me forget about the sadness of 2014, but now it was all rushing back and it was crushing.“In 2014, I… I mean we, are 47 single, underemployed and miserable.” The 86 me gratefully hadn’t run away screaming “Watch out crazy man in the parking lot.” My face must have been doing a better job of conveying our pain then my frail words.
“I also need to mention…” I lowered my head in embarrassment “…that when we were offered the chance to travel back we’re sitting in a chair with a .357 Magnum in our mouth, ready and willing to pull the trigger. I hope we got this chance for a reason, that if you change our path, then maybe we can do something great, because in 2014 we are on the precipice of leaving this world without even have left a shadow of a footprint on it. ”I threw in that line because I remembered as a young man leaving this world without notice was one of my, if not my greatest, fear and still is. “I don’t think a single person would even be at our funeral. And I don’t know if moving in with Tommy and Hassan is what got us off track but something did and for whatever reason we never got back on track and though I’m sure this wasn’t the only cause, it was the start.
“What do you want from me?” The 1986 me asked. “Am I supposed to turn right instead of left? Do we get married? Should we not? How do I know what I’m doing is taking us down a new path or leading us to our suicide?” I looked scared and overwhelmed.”
I don’t have all the answers but one thing I do know it’s not a single event that moves our destiny in one direction or the other like the wind blowing, it’s a series of decisions. And I hope seeing me and knowing where our current path ends will entice you to change our path.
“Looking back what we most like to change?” Great question I thought.
“Finishing college and having a family.” It was my two greatest regrets though the list was much longer, I would need an entire day to cover them all. “And I know mom and dad aren’t helping.” As an only child they believed I did no wrong when in reality it was all I was doing.”
“Are they okay? I mean are they still alive. In 2014?” My question caught me off guard. I glanced at my watch 2:15…2:14…2:13. Time was short I needed to get us back on track.
“I can’t tell you anything about the future, the whole no 2014 footprint thing. Let me ask you something. How many times in the last six months have you thought about killing yourself?”
“Never man, life is beautiful.” It made me smile to hear and see the exuberance of my youth it was something else I had forgotten about and this experience had taught me that if we forget something, we have forever lost that something.
“And now we have a gun in our mouth’ think how much bad happens to go from loving life to hating it.”:60…:59…:58. ‘I don’t know if you are going to listen or not, this is all so crazy, I can’t blame you if you don’t, I hardly believe it myself. But I will blame you for not changing it. How many people in the history of the world have had this chance?” I sighed heavily.” But I’m afraid that I’m going to climb in our car drive off and wake up in our chair a gun still in our mouth. Please save us.” I had tried to use we and us instead of you and me, I wanted me to realize that our fates are intertwined. The sun was setting, casting a fiery shadow across the horizon.
“That’s a lot to lay on someone and then just walk away.” The 1986 me said.
“One last thing if you do run into Tommy next Friday, look at your watch if it’s 2:40 you will know I’m telling the truth.”
“What if I don’t see him then what?”
“Our guess it won’t matter our destiny will have been changed.” The alarm on my watch lt me know my time here was done. I got in my car, knowing the die had been cast, nothing more I could do now but wait and hope it doesn’t come up snake eyes. “I’ve got to go. Now it’s up to you. Good luck, we need it.” I drove off watching myself and 1986 fade in my rearview mirror. I headed down Cherry Road toward interstate 77. I have always been more of a warm weather person so I headed south. “And now from the request line, Motley Crue’s, Home Sweet Home.” Vince Neil’s sang “I’m on my way, just set me free, home sweet home” I hope so, oh God how I hope so. Tears were streaming down my face, it was the second time I’d cried in the last two days, I hadn’t cried once in the last 13 years. This was hard to leave, especially my parents, not to mention I feared what awaited me on the other side. I closed my eyes and did something I had never done before, pray, “Oh God please let things be different.” I started to become sleepy the events of the last two days wearing me down. It was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open. “Tonight, tonight I’m on my way, just set me free, home sweet home.” I close my eyes and felt the wind blowing.
The End
My eyes opened…
I glanced down I was sitting in my chair, in my underwear just like I was right before Rafe walked in. My heart sank. ‘Daddy, daddy” the chorus of voices startled me, I looked up, Vince Neil’s voice still ringing in my ears. There were three kids jumping on my chair. “Wake up daddy, wake up!” I glanced to the right a hotel key was on my TV tray, I’d forgotten to return it, what does a 28 year late return fee come to? ”I found it in your car. I can’t believe you forget your lucky charm.” My wife said, I have a wife and kids. Somehow, someway we’d done it! “I don’t need it anymore.” I said. “I’m already the luckiest man alive.” I reached over grabbed the keys and threw them in the trash can.
The End
I glanced down I was sitting in my chair, in my underwear just like I was right before Rafe walked in. My heart sank. I could taste the steel of the gun barrel. “No, no nooooo!” I’d failed even with a second chance at a once in a lifetime opportunity I’d failed like always. I pulled the trigger.
The End
I glanced down I was sitting in my chair, in my underwear just like I was right before Rafe walked in my heart sank. I could taste the steel of the gun barrel. “No, no nooooo!” I’d failed even with a second chance at a once in a lifetime opportunity I’d failed like always. Right as I was about to pull the trigger the flood of good memories from 1986 made me pause, yeah there was a lot of bad, a lot that didn’t go as planned but there had been a lot of good as well, a lot and that somehow gave me something I had not had in a long time, hope. I put the gun down, I could change my own path I didn’t need 1986 me to change it, I have that power. Put the gun down and get started, I thought. Maybe that’s what Rafe had wanted me to learn all along. Maybe that was what Rafe had been after all along.
***
