81. There was one more occasion when he openly attacked Akka. From a pretty long time, Akka was writing SriRamajayam on notebooks. She had written volumes and volumes and offered them to temples as they cannot be destroyed at home. It may be considered a noble deed to write Ramajayam from dawn to dusk and even beyond. But the paper for writing should be purchased and not to be lifted from offices. This is what Bhuvan was trying to establish. How could she ask for some scrap papers from Mallika to be brought from her bank? From that time on, Akka was buying a notebook from shops. I understand nowadays, special notebooks are available in the market with neat columns and rows drawn for the purpose. Even pictorial papers like Hanuman with folded hands or Shiva or Shivalinga are available for writing holy names.
82. Athimber’s faith in religion was of a different order. For him, work is worship. He would not appreciate if we happened to avail leave for the sake of exhausting it. In those days when there was no system of carrying over the unavailed casual leave to the next year, he had advocated me to surrender such leaves and get going for work. Come December, his sermons would follow. According to him, leave had to be ‘granted’ by office and not to be ‘taken’ by staff. He otherwise did not believe in puja or its rituals. But I found him performing Sandhya vandanam regularly, though after his retirement only. He said it was a breathing exercise and a way of discipline in life.
83. He also believed that strong prayers would certainly be answered. May be so. But I did not agree with the example he quoted. He kept saying that it was only due to her strong faith and prayers to Goddess Santoshi Maata that my sister Gita, in her second delivery could deliver a son. Had it not been for her puja, sure enough, only a girl would have been born to her. Since she had caesarian deliveries, he relied on his astrology and accordingly he fixed the timings for the operations, so that babies could be born at the most auspicious hour of the day. One may wonder – Life is a game of chance or is it a calculated game of play – Athimber had his own belief and we may have our own. But one thing is sure! Astrology and Astronomy are very closely related – may be like the bondage between grandfather and grandson. Otherwise how do you fix my father’s strong obsession with astrology and my nephew Nirmal, son of my brother Ramesh, his strong affinity to Astronomy? Must be they have had a common hidden link. Once done, Nirmal will be the first doctor of letters ie PhD. holder in our family.
84. Whatever may be the truth, my father’s strong obsession and a tryst with the stars – birth stars or planetary stars, had undoubtedly resulted in producing ‘very bright shining stars’ as grand children! The only difference is that you can count these stars – right from Sowmya, the eldest one to Pranv, the youngest one. I am compelled to comment upon my own grandson Suchet, he too, often fetches good number of stars in his progress reports!!! Very recently, Santosh was rewarded by his office and was given an award for his excellent performance in his career. One of my aunties, Viyaya Manni once commented “How sad! Your grandfather- my father in law is not alive to see you people shining, excelling and outperforming, each one, better than the other!” The same thing holds good for my parents also. They had nourished and nurtured the saplings, but are not alive to see the saplings of yore which have by now grown to a full fledged tree laden with many fruits of success.
Did I mention about Akka’s hobby of crochet knitting? In her younger days she had done quite a lot. But in her later part of life also she kept knitting and Athimber would go around shops looking for that particular thick yarn quite suitable for crocheting. Athimber said, why even Bharathi endoresed that the hobby of crocheting served on her just like any good medicines prescribed by some doctors would work on a patient. She had knitted many big and small items – table cloths, rosettes, telephone covers, door hangings etc. Among many things she did, both Anu and Aruna were having one open vest coat that can be worn on any dress. I am sure they must be having them even now as a memento. Age was never a factor for her to learn something new. The interest and enthusiasm alone mattered.
85. At Hyderabad, Akka’s maternal cousin, Kanaka was staying. Whenever Akka was in town, she would come immediately to see her. At one point of time, Akka had taken us to a big Textile shop – Bommana’s and got us all expensive sarees and dresses. In her shopping list, she had already included Kanaka also without fail and had purchased a saree for her also. When Akka gave it to her, Kanaka was virtually in tears. She was so much moved by her gestures. We her children and grandchildren experiencing her generosity is one thing and Kanaka, as a cousin getting the same level of affinity, speaks a lot about my mother’s generosity. It was not the money or the material that mattered most. It was the treatment meted out to her was, what mattered.
86. Many of Athimber’s office friends had become our close brothrens. In Devlali, Mahadevan and family were one such and at Nagpur, Chakravarthy and his wife Devaki became very very close to us. For us children, it was just out of sight – out of mind. But to them, the friendship was deeply imprinted. Years later,suddenly one fine morning, Chakravarthy crossed me at Tenampet, Chennai and enquired about everyone in the family. It was a chance meeting. I was to go to my office and he to his – Controller of Defence Accounts – Southern Command. After our meeting on that day, I think he wrote a letter to Athimber also. Even Padam’s parents were like our own extended family.
87. My sister Mallika’s son Kunal had finished his “Plus Two” and was to join Lakshminaryan Institute of Technology – a famous college of high reputation. My parents were there then to bless him. Later he came out with flying colours and he was the first one in our family fold to be selected from campus recruitment and he joined Tata Honeywell Company. Anu, Aruna Mathangi etc. also got their jobs through campus recruitments – but that was subsequently. From then till now, Kunal has been going on up, up and above in his career.
88. Just like Nirmal had taken to Athimber’s passion for asronomical / astrological planets and stars, his younger brother Pranav also had taken a cue from my father and followed his grandfather’s steps in serving directly in Defence Services. Athimber was earlier in warfare and was posted in Persian countries and later served in Military Engineer Services. Pranav is at present serving in Indian Navy. While others grand children are engaged in Nation Building Services, this boy is directly serving – nay, sailing in National Defence Services.
89. Despite being in Defence Services, Athimber somehow did not develop a taste for good sense of dressing, in quite a contrast to Akka’s sense of neat and well ironed dress up. She not only dressed well, she also maintained her sarees with utter care and retained their newness for years to come. Bharathi has inherited this quality of Akka’s into her. Though he did not have a good taste for dressing up, he had a good taste for sweets particularly, milk sweets. Similarly, he had a good taste for classical music, including old hindi and tamil filmy songs. One Tirukkural sums up his tastes which says that when there is no food for ‘ears’, food for stomach will be taken care.
90. Akka was a regular visitor at Bhagwad Pada sabha and Sarveshwara Aalayam both at Nagpur which came up much later, after many years of our stay there. It had helped her to revive her friendship with many of her close friend circles in bhajan mandalies, sloka classes etc. Similar circles and tie ups she had at Coimbatore also. Wherever she went, she made friends particularly in spiritual groups. Even in her final stage, till she fell unconscious, she kept herself busy with a discourse that was going on at Chrompet.
91. For her deep rooted faith in holy rituals and cultural practices, she must have wished that her death be preponed to that of my father’s, so that she could retain the status of a “Sumangali” forever and forever.. But is widowhood a boon or bane? It is a debatable question. Any normal Indian woman would have considered widowhood a bane – a terrible curse. But having seen Athimber reeling through pains and groaning in a helpless condition, do you think Akka still would wish to have her turn to meet Yama as first. No, not at all. She stood there by his side till the end, helping him and comforting him as much as possible. If God Himself had descended on earth and granted her a wish, then too, she would have declined it!
92. Both parents had given ample chances to serve them during their final days. Athimber suffered for six long months after a fatal fall at Coimbatore bus stand when a mad crowd had unknowingly pushed him to the ground. Poor Athimber! From that day onwards till he breathed his last, he underwent untold miseries coupled with shooting pain and unbearable agony. Two months he was treated at Coimbatore and for next two months at Hyderabad and in the end, he was taken to Aurangabad, where he succumbed to his secondary ailment of respiratory infections. At all places, many came forward voluntarily and donated blood. At Hyderabad, my daughter Aruna and my paternal cousin Ramesh had rushed to the hospital at dead of night keeping us in great suspence – to receive a big blow. Later I learnt they both had to go as the hospital wanted two units of blood urgently. They returned home thoroughly drenched, giving us an eerie feeling.
93. For all that Athimber had done for his children and to all of his friends and relatives, the trail of unending physical torture he had to put up, was too much of a tragedy. Whatever advances Science has made, so far there is no invention for transferring or sharing the bodily pains. One has to endure oneself. Sedatives do offer solace, only to a limited extent. Beyond that? His writhing in pain was intolerable. The best way to rid him of his agony was to let him succumb to his fatal end. It may sound very odd to openly comment like that. In spite of best care and efforts put in by Lakshmi, wife of my brother,Ramesh, we all wished that he should be freed from his agony at the earliest. Finally that was what had happened on 13 Jan 1999.
94. By chance, Bharathi’s son, Kaamesh was then in India, who otherwise resides at USA. He upon hearing about Athimber in critical state rushed to Aurangabad and lent a helping hand to Ramesh. While we were mourning and praying for the departed soul, Kamesh was running around on advises of Ramesh for taking care of the living souls. His maturity and level headedness have left an indelible imprint on all of us. All I remember about his childhood was his complaint to his mother about his younger brother Harish, who while praying to God, could not pronounce correctly Muruga Muruga, but instead kept reciting “Molaga Molaga”. Such an innocent boy has grown into a man of high caliber and was readily mixing with all people, in a down to earth situation. In yet another occasion, he had come to Bhubaneswar and was with us for a few days. He himself, a young boy, had then called my daughter Aruna , a chatterbox and named my niece Mathangi, a philosopher. I do not know whether he had names for all his cousins and for aunties and uncles also, including me.
95. In the year 2002, I was transferred to Chennai and later when I visited Akka at Coimbatore, she expressed her desire to be with me – not that she had any problem with my sister Gita. The reason was simple – Gita’s daily routines and lifestyle did not suit her. Gita had to complete her morning chores and rush to school before 8-30 am and Akka was managing her kitchen chores on her own with her usual holy untouchables and puja rituals. But with advancing age Akka found it hard to cope up with things on her own. As for me, life was not in that fast pace as Gita’s and Akka could still continue with her requirements the way that pleased her. That is how Akka came to stay with me. The lady who came with a desire to be with me for the rest of her life, did not stay with me even for a few months. My sister Mallika came on LFC to see Akka . Akka went with her to see her brother at Chrompet. She preferred to remain there as some holy discourses were going on in a local temple, which were of more interest to her.
96. It was time that I should get back my mother, but a co sister of mine passed away and hence a veil of untouchability prevailed over us and until such time the death related rituals were completed and the house got purified, she could not come to live with us. Once I was free to take her back, my office chose to send me to Lucknow on a few days’ assignment. Our game of hide and seek went on like this for quite some time. Before I could return from Lucknow, things had gone topsy turvy. Akka fell into coma and doctor declared ‘no hope’. At this stage, there was no point in bringing her to my place.
97. Akka, while counting her last, gave all of us enough chances to attend on her. Attending on our parents during their last period, was to satisfy ourselves and only to comfort and console our conscience and not for the comfort of the ailing parents. That aspect of medical comfort is taken care of by the attending physicians. Immediately on hearing the news from my uncle Dorai Anna, first thing my daughter Aruna did was to come to Chennai, withdraw maximum that could be drawn from ATM and my husband Bhuvan also withdrew from his account a sizeable amount and deposited the sum with uncle. I was away on tour and at Lucknow at that time. After a few days, I was back at Chennai. One by one, all sisters and brothers came from their respective places. Even Bharathi was there. Since all brothers and sisters were present at the same time, it was prudent that we take turns to be with Akka. What is the point in everyone using their leave at the same time and then return to their respective places of work, once their leave period is over? The facility of work from home was not known to my sisters and their husbands and it was not possible also – particularly for Gita, who was a school teacher, her husband, Nagesh and my sister Mallika both working in banks. Let us be practical – school children and funds of the bank need to be protected under direct control and by physical presence as watch dogs and not by any remote control mechanism.
98. I being a localite, was frequently making trips to Chrompet. Like a flower withering away petal by petal Akka too was sinking slowly and slowly and finally everything came to a standstill. Akka had a very peaceful ending in quite a contrast to Athimber’s protracted painful days. Both Akka and Athimber had had enough of sufferings upon themselves during their lifetime and did not allow the shadow of it fall upon us. When outsiders do something good for us or extend their helping hands, we feel so grateful to them and express our thanks in so many ways. To our parents who have lent their heart and soul into us, how do we repay? For lifelong, we remain indebted to them. 97
99. In our younger days, every day in the morning, we all sisters and brothers used to fall at the feet of our parents and with that humble offering we would start the day. Somewhere down the line, this habit of prostrating or touching their feet every day, got diluted and faded away and we too got drifted away in our daily life. Now they are in their heavenly abode – one with the Gods. We too have placed their photos along with photos and images of Gods, and have reverted back to our habit of prostrating them falling at their feet. Their photos!
100. While growing up, there is nothing strange for girls being brought up with brothers. But rarely does it happen that while passing away also, a person is surrounded by her brothers. It happened to Akka. Normally children – sons, daughters and grandchildren would be there. Whether she could realize or not all her close kith and kin were there by her side. Finally, she who was very particular about rituals to be followed was served with a befitting farewell and was cremated. If she had wanted it to be anything different she must have spoken about it. Other rituals were also performed as per customary practices. In Athimber’s case also, one unique feature that was found was the priest who conducted the final rituals was the same person- rather one of the persons, who had done them for my grandfather ie my father’s father about half a century ago in the same place – Puna alias Pune. One more unique feature is that I have attempted to pen (?) this write up at Aurangabad, the place where my father breathed his last. There is no haunting of ghosts now….only haunting of memories.
Every one’s life is full of experiences, which account for more than a Ramayana or Mahabharatha. So is the case of my parents. There are still innumerable anecdotes unaccounted for as I have tried to limit it to a mere 100 to coincide with Athimber’s 100th birthday. My other sisters and brothers may on any day add few more interesting and inspirational incidents to this piece of write up. Why, even grand children can also spruce a few paragraphs, on how they view their grandparents from their angles.
I surrender myself with folded hands and submit this to the feet of my parents….
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