Ask Nothing Further

The last hearing at the court had just come to the conclusion and swarms of lawyers, their clients, policemen, convicts were walking out of the court. The air was mixed with feelings ranging from success to failures, and from freedom to impending doom. One face in the crowd was that of Shreya Malhotra. Although it had a glow because of the reflecting sun rays on her fair skin, but the expressions on her face were as dry as the winds on that hot summer day. Her shiny, black hair was tied up into a ponytail, which oscillated vertically as she descended down the stairs. Then, she waved at a taxi and told him to take her to St. John the Evangelist Graveyard, Andheri. Along the long road that waited, she couldn’t help but walk down the memory lane, about the person whose grave she was paying a visit. The journey through the memory lane was hard because, at the bottom of it all; there was nothing but sorrows and tears. Still, it was so worth it.

Shreya rested her head on the seat and closed her eyes, as memories began to flash by. Memories have a strange way of making us laugh as well as cry at the same time. For, millions die every day, without actually feeling or knowing what love really is. Love can make your life more beautiful than you’ve ever imagined. But when that love is gone, the person is not the same person he used to be. Through the days following his death, Shreya had hardened, become someone that even she wasn’t familiar with. But still on that particular day, one could see a hint of a smile on her lips, a blush on her cheeks and bliss in her eyes. The day, being 5^th of May; was the day when she first met him. As Shreya exhaled, she thought of that day.

(I)

3 years ago

5^th may, 2010

She had been working as a criminal lawyer for the last five years. Shreya had moved to Mumbai from her hometown Amritsar a long while ago after the completion of her 12^th grade. The city of Mumbai was her first love. She did have a couple of relationships through college, but nothing had turned into anything serious. Not that she was on the top of her profession at that time, but she was far from being a struggle. The day had started off just like any other day. She had been notified by her secretary that she had an appointment with a ‘Mr. Aiden Gonzales’ at the Santa Cruz Police Station today. It was after 11 a.m. when she left her office off to her meeting.

It was the police station in Santa Cruz, where she had first met him. The constable directed her into his cell. Shreya entered the cell as he got up from the bed on which he was sitting on. “Hello. You must be Mr. Aiden Gonzales.” She said.

“Please, just call me Aiden.” He said. Aiden was tall, over six feet and appeared to be in his late twenties. He had an athletic built. His complexion was dull and his face looked like he hadn’t shaved in quite a while. His brown hair was curly and grown to a medium length. His tired, deep brown eyes depicted a sigh of relief on the site of his attorney. He wore a gray colored, creased shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was trying to fake a smile looking at his lawyer, but his face couldn’t hide the worries which had kept him up all night.

“Have a seat.” Shreya said. “So, I see that you’re in for having committed a murder.” She wasn’t doing this for the first time, so the words like ‘murder’ or ‘death’ came out like any other words there are.

“It was self-defense.”

“I’ll have to listen to the complete story.”

“Look,” he began,” I own this small beer bar down by Wakola, called ‘Paradise’. I’ve been running it for over 3 years now. It was Saturday. That day would have ended just like any other day, had it not been for him. It was over 11 O’ clock, as he walked inside. He had emptied over three bottles of beer over the next hour and after he was done, he just got up and started walking out. So, I got out of my counter and approached the guy. He suddenly started to push me and curse me. I was trying to speak with him politely just as he landed a punch right on my face. So, I retaliated. I threw a right jab on his nose and I don’t exactly remember what happened next. But I completely blacked out after that. The next thing I remember is me having a broken glass bottle in my hand, which I probably put in his stomach or something. That’s what the police reports say, right?” he asked Shreya, the look in his eyes desperately hoping that at least she will think of him as being innocent.

Shreya looked Aiden in his eyes. They didn’t look like those of the person who could murder someone in cold-blood. “Well,” she said,” It doesn’t really sound like an act of self-defense. He didn’t try to kill you. I think it will be really hard for us to prove your innocence, in this case.”

Aiden’s expressions suddenly showed a transition from hope to disappointment. He closed his eyes as his head sunk below.

“Hey” Shreya said with a reassuring tone, “we’ll get you out on bail. Then, we can elongate the duration of the trial. You don’t have to get so disappointed,” she placed her hand on his shoulders.

“You know” Aiden said, raising his head,” Today I’m actually glad that my mother is dead. At least she doesn’t have to feel the pain of looking at her son behind bars, headed to the gallows.”  Then, a teardrop emerged from the corner of his right eye, made its way through his unshaved cheeks and fell onto his legs. ”She was bummed enough when she saw me running a beer bar. And now this.” His eyes were pointed straight into those of Shreya. She didn’t know how to console him. He had committed the crime. He did have remorse. She knew the future that awaited him. It was either life imprisonment or the noose. Then, gathering her breaths, she said, “We’ll file a petition for bail. You’ll be out of here in three days.”

“What after that?” he asked. “How long will I go in after I get out for a week or a month?”

Shreya knew that he demanded honesty and that giving him any false ideas was not going to help. So, she looked him in the eyes and said,” Seventeen. At least seventeen years.”

Aiden let out an exhale and said, “And that’s if I don’t get, “he choked up as another tear rolled out of his eye as he said, “hanged, right?”

“Look. We’ll just have to try our best and make sure that it doesn’t end that way, okay?”

Then, he closed his eyes and gave her an affirmative nod. “Thank you, for not making me feel like a criminal. Your fees,”

“We’ll talk about that when the bail is set, okay?” Shreya said, interrupting him.”Just be confident when you come to court tomorrow. Everything will be alright.” When, Aiden looked in her eyes, he saw truth. He knew that, she would sincerely try to keep him out for as long as possible, for whatever little of his life that was left now. Well, sometimes, the words “everything will be alright” don’t make any sense to us literally. But, they help us in making peace with the already anticipated ugly ending that we’re about to face.

 

It took three days for the bail to be set. Aiden was walking alongside Shreya while they were returning from the court. His face had an expression of momentary freedom, mixed with the worries about his future. Still, he tried to be cheerful, tried to make peace with it. So, he looked at his side, where Shreya was walking, and said,” Hey, you want to get something to eat? You know, just like a token of my gratitude. Plus, you never mentioned anything about any fees.”

Shreya looked at him, and with a comforting smile, said, “Sure, why not?”

They were sitting at some small food-joint situated right across the street from the courthouse. Aiden, not having eaten anything decent since the last hellish five days actually gulped his sandwich, impatiently. Shreya watched him with a smile on her face. Then, she said, “You’re being really strong about this.” Then, she immediately felt guilty about reminding him about it.

Aiden looked up from his plate and said, “Actually, I make a point of not letting anything come between me and my meal. That is the whole point. I don’t even want to think about anything but what’s left of my freedom right now.”

”Well, that’s a really healthy attitude, you know.”

“Yeah, it’s like how my mom used to say,’ When God writes our fate, he adds both good and bad things in it. Through life, we become so sad through all the bad things happening to us, that in the blindfold of self-pity, we forget to see everything, anything that’s good which has been put in our way. So, when you have a rough day, appreciate the sweet food that God puts on our table; when you fail in something, appreciate the time that’s left for you to do it all over again. It’s okay to cry when you’re sad, but that shouldn’t stop you from laughing when you’re happy.’ ” Then, he looked down as his eyes watered, “It was enough that she had to die bearing the knowledge of her son being a bootlegger. And, now, she is the mother of a murderer. When she passed away, I was twenty. The people gathered at her funeral were genuinely sad. Everyone loved her. What would my funeral look like? All the stuff about karma that I’ve heard, since my childhood; if any of it was true, what fate will I face?”

Shreya looked at him helplessly. She could understand his pain. But, there was nothing she could do about it. She thought hard to say something, to console him.

Just noticing her awkwardness at the right moment, Aiden said, “, Hey, by the way; I know I said this earlier but I can’t thank you enough for helping me. I’ll be sending your fees till ten tomorrow at your office, okay? I don’t mind if we lose this case. It’s the purity of effort that matters. Just so you know, there would be no hard feelings there, no grudges to hold, nothing.” And then he waved at the waiter and taking the bill from the waiter, he said, “So what I’m going to prison, that doesn’t mean that I should allow a lady to pay the check.”

Shreya just smiled. She couldn’t refrain herself from appreciating the spirit of this man. We all live, but there are a few who have a life. He had regrets. He had remorse. He had committed the most heinous sin and was about to get punished soon, but still, he was not only trying to make those around him smile, but was also trying to keep himself sound.

She returned home at 6 O’ clock in the evening. Her home was a 1 BHK flat by Colaba. In the last five years, she had made enough money to afford a cozy lifestyle for herself in the city. Working as a criminal lawyer had proven fulfilling enough for her. She sat there in her drawing room, on the sofa; studying the case file of Aiden Gonzales. Everything, including the evidence, forensic report of the victim, statements by the witnesses as well as that of Aiden was against him. Proving him mentally unstable could get him into an asylum on which he could get out when proven fit. All that was needed was a settlement with a psychiatrist who would vouch for Aiden’s insanity and some statements from friends and acquaintances about the same. That would save him prison-time. She had made settlements before. She hadn’t exactly been entirely honest when it came to work, but to quote Gandhi, ‘Lawyer is not an honest profession’.

The next morning, the meeting with Aiden had been set. Shreya waited for him in her office. As he entered, she told him to take a seat. Taking a seat, Aiden looked at her, and said,” So? Got anything on the case?”

Shreya looked at him, and said,” Well, I can say that we did.” Then she let out a sigh as she proceeded,” But it’s not exactly ethical.”

Aiden’s facial expressions showed a departure from smile to seriousness as he listened carefully.

She continued,” We can save you time by proving in front of the judge that you’re mentally unstable. We’ll make a plea of insanity. A settlement with a psychiatrist and some fake statements by some acquaintances of yours will be all that it will take.”

Aiden smiled as he listened to her. He looked down, his eyes closed. Then, he looked up and staring into her eyes said,” Imagine that you’re walking down a cave, a very dark one for your entire life. All you had was a light in front of you, which you were following. Now, if that light is gone, due to something that you have done, what distance are you willing to go just to catch a glimpse of that light again?  My soul is tainted. Punishment is the only redemption. I’ve committed a murder. I’ve accepted my fate. All I want you to do is to play your part in all fairness. I won’t be doing any of this. Even if I do get out, it will be of no use; because, that wouldn’t wash away the stains which are now imprinted on my soul.”

Shreya started to say something,” But…”

“No,” he interrupted.” Don’t you get it? I am a god-fearing individual. I believe that I have a fate scripted for me even before my birth. If He demands me to face the punishment for my crime, so be it. I’ve been thinking about this a lot ever since I got out. I think I’ll make a confession on the next date.”

Shreya looked at him with a confused expression as she said,” So, you want to go in for seventeen years?”

Aiden looked at her. His eyes were not tired anymore. His face wasn’t worried at all. With a vibrant smile on his face, he said,” That’s the only road to salvation, isn’t it?”

He looked like his soul had just been redeemed. Through the darkness of the sins that he had committed, he was finally able to see clearly. The shadows followed him, and he knew that salvation was the only way. Shreya couldn’t get her head around what had happened to the client whom she had witnessed to be scared and stressed, to undergo the enormous transformation into a man who had made complete peace with his fate. She sat on her chair, as she saw him leave. She couldn’t help but wonder as to what might’ve happened. With no previous record, it would be a cakewalk, getting him out. Still, he refused.

She sat there. You never know what you’ll come across, she thought. All that scum I was representing earlier, they would be ready to do absolutely anything if that would mean reducing just a couple of years of their sentence. And now, I met a man who wants to go to prison to pay for his sins. He has nothing to lose. All he had all these years was a clean soul. That’s what it is! Now that even his soul is tainted, he would want to go any distance possible to make sure that it remains clean. Like the way it used to be. As the train of her thoughts came to a halt, she smiled at herself. She had a new-found respect for this man.

The next day, Shreya woke up with a strange feeling in her head. It was the date for the court. She knew exactly what was going to happen. What she didn’t know was the reason as to why she had a feeling that whatever happened, it was going to affect her life in a major way. She tried to surpass that feeling as she began to go through her regular morning routine. She made a coffee for herself and drank it even before she had brushed her teeth. She saw no point of brushing her teeth if she was going to drink coffee after that anyway. After that, she made her way into the bathroom. When she finally undressed in order to take a shower, she didn’t know what had gotten into her. As the tiny shower-droplets struck across her face, and onto her closed eyes, she didn’t know how, but the thought managed to find its way back into her mind.

Today, he’ll go in forever, she thought. But why should that bother me? It’s not like he’s related to me in any way. He’s just a client. Or is he? Of course, he is just a client. I don’t know what’s going on. What’s happening? Am I crushing on a criminal? Is that what it is? No! Of course, it’s not! Look at me, I’ve been talking to myself and then denying it. Wait a minute. If he gets sentenced today, I won’t see him again. Ever. So what? He’s just a client. Didn’t I just say that? Then, she switched the shower off, put a lid back on her thoughts and hurriedly putting on her clothes, left off to work.

It was the date for court. The day for confession had come. Aiden’s eyes were stable, without any signs for fear. He woke up and took a look at himself in the mirror. A cross-locket was hanging by a nail above the mirror. Looking at himself, he was smiling by his eyes. He knew that the day had come. Through the night, he had slept soundly with no fear of tomorrow. And he still didn’t have any fear today. He got ready for court and then just took the locket off the nail, kissed it, with closed eyes and put it on. He had left his home to complete what was left of his story, to go the distance he knew he had to.

The court was full. Everyone stood up as the judge entered the courtroom. The air in the courtroom was stirred with the feelings of grief and that of those seeking vengeance from the ones who had lost their son, maybe even a sibling through the hands of the sinner who was standing in front of them. The public prosecutor who was wondering what the defense had up their sleeves on this day. Overall, Aiden was stereotyped the bad guy in the room and the looks given to Shreya were hostile as well. She calmly sat on her table, as the confession took place. Taking in light the young age of Aiden and him confessing his crime, the judge sentenced him life imprisonment. That would mean seventeen years, behind bars.

There was something about that day, the day when he was sent to prison. For life. Aiden was in the lockup when he saw her approaching towards him. The feeling that she had that morning was now stronger than ever. Somehow, she felt that her life was going to change forever. Looking at him, she knew that there was something about him, which was special. And the fact that he was a criminal or was being sentenced life imprisonment had nothing whatsoever to do with it. The constable was escorting him towards the police van. Shreya looked at him from a distance. Her eyes were watered and her heartbeat was quickening. And at this point, there was absolutely no thought on her mind. She looked at him for one more time and then stormed through the stairs towards the van which was standing there in which Aiden was seated. Eyes turned towards her as she ran with all the energy she had. The police constable standing near the van was staring at her, as he said,

” Excuse me, madam; can I help you?”

“Right now, no.” Shreya said; with a smile on her face as she climbed up the van and took a last look at Aiden’s face as she wrapped her hands around his neck and closing her eyes let her lips meet his. The kiss was different. Aiden wasn’t sure about what had just happened but he still didn’t pull off. In the air surrounding them, there was hesitance mixed with passion. His hands were wrapped around her back and his fists clenched as the kiss proceeded. Then they pulled off as they stared into each other’s eyes. Aiden’s were still surprised. Shreya on the other hand, still had a smile on her face. It had only been ten seconds but they felt that they’d been kissing for hours. She got off the van as the constable stared at her, with a strange look on his face. Not only him, but a majority of the people standing by were staring at them.

What had just happened was the moment which was going to change her life forever. That feeling had proven itself true.

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