PART 5
From Piyali’s Diary
It’s eight months now we joined XI std in a government school named RBV and I have only one genuine friend, the best amidst all-my Shubham! Some DNA within me has strange issue of not making friends but it’s like a mystery how he became my only boy-friend after he joined RBV. Like every great friendship starts from schooldays and every true love stories starts from the most unexpected places, so as mine. The friendship started from our few minutes of encounter under the Scooter Shed of RBV when the rear of my Scooty hit him on his knee as an attempt to pull it out by me and he was too modest to react. And whenever we met under the shed after the school hours to avoid being noticed by others, our friendship has matured.
He is the best in Chemistry in the entire batch.
However, he does not share any chemistry with me yet. For others he is a boring studious creature.
Today, I was on stage for the assembly. It was 11th ‘Art’s” turn to conduct the assembly for the week. That includes quote of the day, news reading and the National Anthem. Students were slowly gathering in the prayer-ground. I went to get the sign of the school leader as a confirmation for assembly conduction. Instead, I saw Shubham inside the music room.
Our P.E.T has sent him to collect the Drum.
Instead he picks up a flute, stares at it as if that was his lost property and smiles. He was singing at just audible voice, one of my favourite old Hindi songs.
I was amazed! Amazed at his beauty. He appeared like lord Krishna holding the flute, just getting ready to play that flute in the banks of Yamuna.
I knew I was imagining what could never be the reality as far as I considered me with Shubham but I couldn’t help it.
When he opened his eyes with a heart piercing smile of his, I had no choice but adore him.
I hope he didn’t get me doing that.
He signaled me to come closer. I went mesmerized.
Has it ever happened in the history that a boy can be so amazingly beautiful to a girl?
He is just fair enough, thin and lean, breathtakingly handsome, extremely good in every subject except love and unknowingly the reason of my life. I feel all the pure emotions flowing in me. I can feel him as my own cute little baby, the ever wanting charming prince, my dream boy, a lovely husband, a caring friend, a responsible father, a truthful companion, god given soul mate.
I am always matured enough to know, understand, and feel. But when it comes to him, I feel lost. I feel pity for myself. Pity?
Shubham was reading my face and he seemed happy to see me lost. I asked him to quickly rush to the assembly but with a mischievous smile he turned his back on me and started walking, ignoring me.
I don’t know why but I followed him without even thinking where he was going.
We went to the 1st floor, to a small PT room that stores few recently brought drums and some stage decoration items.
He stopped and stood facing me. His tall-slender- perfectly sculpted physical form seized me.
The time stood there. It was a magic. I felt his rhythmic heart beats, his warm breath across my face from an angle due to his height, a magical bond held me to him. Blood was rushing to my brain.
“Why are you following me…”-he demanded!
“Ha, what? I need the sign of school leader”- I was out of reasons to reply.
I am not the leader, don’t you know? “OK, breathe easy… you are not breathing since a minute”- he advised!
Stored carbon-di-oxide in my lungs escaped with a heavy sigh. I gasped for fresh oxygen.
To see my reaction, he came very close to me leaving approximately four and half centimeter between us. I stood pressing the wall behind me. He gave his flamboyant smile-My favorite!
“Measuring the distance between us?”-he asked as if he read my mind!
Damn! How does he know?
“Don’t worry. I don’t do anything naughty or shameful…you know me na!”
I was surprised to find my lips parting, eager to touch his-that was the first time I had heard Shubham talk with sense of naughtiness to a girl!
But that’s where he was different from most of us. He knew the very thin line between Code of
Ethics and Vulgarity.
I understand I cannot afford him. I know very well that I love him enough to leave him and vanish-my heart spoke out. And there came my tough side into action.
“Who said I am even going to be shameful too?” I asked him. The mixed feeling of fear and longing replaced by a tough expression.
“What? You think am gonna eat you up here?”–I knew he had no idea that infact my lips felt a lust to kiss his, for long and tight.”
He was taken aback by my sudden change of emotions. The one he was not expecting.
“You are wrong. I will never.” I felt the bitterness in my own voice as words came out.
“Probably you will find someone better, who will stay with your stupidity Mr. Perfect…”
He stood guessing, what I meant by those lines.
“For my classmates, I was an arrogant girl who never spoke or gave a shit hint of friendship to anybody else other than Shubham. Many backbitched me as beauty with a bad attitude, probably a beast.
He didn’t reply anything and kept looking at me in daze.
I walked out swiftly unable to face his questioning eyes. I knew I had slapped his pious heart with my words. “I wonder if he understood my affection for him. I doubt if my guts would ever allow me to explain to him how much I love and admire his abilities and stupid things he does.”–I ran towards the prayer ground wiping my tears in pain.” and read out the thought for the day.
“Will he ever accept me in his life as his life partner, if I tell him right now?”—it still remains a puzzle!
–I have not seen Shubham in his class for the past three days. I inquired his classmates and they said, he was having severe throat infection with fever.
–a day later—
“How are u now? Is your throat still paining?-I cornered him at the classroom door and asked as he came uphill the school gate.
I always get upset and worried whenever he falls sick. He complaints of chest pain at times whenever we met during recess breaks.
‘Ya, am better today’- he replied and sounded very casual.
“Then Piyali, you tell… anything interesting happened while I was absent?”
‘Nothing dear except that, some accident took place in the chem. Lab, yesterday.’
Oh! What happened?
Not much detail I have. Go…ask your classmates-I concluded and left for the assembly.
Jan 1998-
Inter house competitions in our school have started. I am lost again in my dreams as I watched Shubham and Vinod play the final of carom championship against their own classmates from different school-house, Rabindra Pradhan and Navin.
Both Shubham and Vinod are good at playing the carom board. Well, all praised Shubham though …why not? He is a multitalented who never shows off.
The game took 46 minutes to be exact, as opponents struggled to pot the “Red”.
Finally, a masterstroke by Shubham!
Bravo! Bravo! –appreciates our P.E teacher.
He has never seen a shot like that as Shubham keeps the striker on, at the edge of left corner on the baseline, hides his index finger behind the middle one and hits the diagonally opposite right side of the board at an angle of 45 degree. The striker then just kisses the “Red” at its right edge and it gets lodged in the pocket at the bottom-left-corner of the carom board, the side where Shubham stood.
I jumped on my feet and clapped, hurray! I am so happy for him. He is the new carom champion. Ofcourse, Vinod too. Had there been no one in the room, I would have hug him right then right there. I restrained the desires.
All the four looked at me, as I kept clapping at the door of PT room and then ran away.
Later I went and congratulated him while he was being praised by the ones who hated him. I know who hated and who not.
When we are in our schooldays, some or the other Teacher become our Idol. For the first time in my schooling, it was a student, it was him, whom I admired as my Idol.
He was among those students, who always shared knowledge with others, who never had jealousy with others; he was one who believed in competing with himself rather than with others. He was equally good in each subject.
Feb 1998—
Our final exam is just few weeks away. I will skip the classes to prepare at home. I have enough attendance to skip many. But the mere thought that I will miss Shubham a lot more than classes, freezes me.
During lunch break-we call it recess period in school, I waited outside my classroom to see Shubham. But there is no sign of him yet. The bell has rung, the classes continued till 2:45pm. The school closed at 3pm. Everyone in his class is leaving as I impatiently wait at the scooter shed for him. He has a TVS champ. But today I can’t find it.
Everybody gone. He was absent and for next two days again. It adds to my worry for him.
Should I go and meet him or not? I don’t have his number to make a call and ask about his health.
What will his Baba think if I go to his home?—I
struggled to find a solution as I go blank with the haunts in my brain.
After a gap of four days, I saw him eventually in the school premises, way too early. I would reach the school by 08.25am. He will by 08.15am. That day, we both reached at 08 am.
I wonder, if coincidences happened in real life too and if it did happen, will it be so pleasant always as it was in that moment.-I have seen those in movies only.
What happened, Piyali? You seem lost.—a knuckle on my head wakes me up, as I stood by the classroom entrance door with my head leaning towards right side, lost in some happy ending tale.
‘No, nothing like that’- I told Shubham. He then marched towards his classroom and I followed.
Why were you absent for four days, ha?- I demanded the answers.
“I had severe chest pain for two days. So I took rest”- he replied.
Why do you often get this pain, Shubham?
“Well doctor says, it’s a muscular pain that triggers out of overwork or stress”. I am a bit worried now, Piyali, as this might trouble me in exams too. I don’t know how to deal with this. Medicines just make me feel sleepy and if it arises in the middle of any exam, I will be done with it…finished. A sense of fear grips upon him.
Quickly I apologized—sorry I did not mean to distress you. But you must take care of your health. Don’t study too hard in 11th. You better preserve your energy for the Board exams next year. 60% will be sufficient this year for you. After all you want to become a doctor, isn’t it?
He gave a nod and said, “yes I will consider your suggestion”. Thank you!
I scampered towards my classroom in fear as soon I noticed its 08.20am on my watch. Others will start to enter this classroom. I never want anyone to know the passion this bond of
friendship has between him and me. I don’t know exactly if Shubham pretends, he is unaware of my feelings so that someday I disclose myself to him or does he only treats me as just a casual friend?
At some point earlier, when our friendship blossomed, he did tell me, he has nobody called the best friend yet but he wanted someone to be. Was he indicating to me or someone else? Is it gonna be boy or a girl? if it’s a boy , I would not mind. If it’s a girl, then what, what about me? He is ‘just frank’ with me but not much.
One thing I surely knew that he shared most things with Shanti, his raakhi sister in the little islands. Was he pointing to her?—God knows or may be he himself!
I dropped him at his home that day on my Scooty, as he didn’t bring the TVS champ.—coincidence again, same company two wheelers.
He was so shy to be seated behind me still maintaining a distance of good 15cms to be precise.
‘Love is a dangerous proposition when it is one sided–I agree with my Maa’. However she won’t mind, if Shubham becomes my husband in future.
‘Definitely not- my instinct replied. Maa will happily accept him and we live happily ever after’. After all he belongs to a reputed cultured Bengali family, his father being a teacher in Govt. school and he has a cute younger sister. He has all the qualities to be a good loyal husband and a responsible father later. He is so talented he can do a job or business. Small family happy family is a possibility if Maa accepts him as ‘ Jaamayee’.
Maa once advised me-to focus in life, to be independent, to raise myself to face any odd situations that may come as storm. ‘How can I tell her, Shubham is that odd storm and I want to go along with it being dependent on him.’ That he is my life.
I realized quickly, how deep the parasite of Love can infest that it can make believe that my family is nothing in front of my love. But anyhow I was convinced that such infestation cannot separate me from my Maa and sister and also for a fact that Shubham will never let it happen that way, which is just my weird imagination.
Three weeks to go for final exam.
I met Shubham after the school hours. He looked quite disturbed. When I asked him the reason, he said he wasn’t happy with the quality of teaching in RBV. His concerns were obvious.
His physics teacher-Kadar Batcha, taught his own physics way too different from the CBSE books. The notes never matched any chapters. Biology and Math teachers were just good but not excellent. Chemistry teacher Reddy sir was the one, good enough and serious about teaching properly in the class.
He isn’t a mug-up typo. He knows basics well in each subject and he possessed an extraordinary skill…..if someone gave him a line from science book, he could tell the chapter name, the page number and the paragraph location too without opening the book though.
‘Wow that’s really a magical wand’—his brain.
But he is not the same now…his Maa’s accidental death just before the X results was none less than a shock. He turned very silent thereafter. He always looks in pain and sorrow as if the dense moisture laden clouds never wanted to leave his vicinity.
At the same time he was a self motivator too else he would not have performed well in 11th or in his life. He is a broken yet a self-elevated-brave fighter for me.
March 1998
The days passed so quickly. Our final exams have started. It’s unlikely that I will see Shubham. Papers are going well for me. I wish he too wrote well.
I went to school purposely to meet him on his final paper day which was mathematics. I waited in the scooter shed till he came. He was astounded to find me there.
Instantly he inquired-why are you here Piyali? There is no exam paper for you today, right?
I have come for some consultation and notes, Shubham-I replied as I made an excuse by giving him a reply that I went to consult fine arts teacher about some topics and was about to leave in few minutes, suppressing my devil desires to avoid embarrassing him by telling the truth that I went to see him only.—he believed my words.
I asked him about his math paper. He said, it was tough but he will score a 70 plus. Then he asked about mine. I said, mine went good.
I got the advantage point when he asked me to drop him at his home as he didn’t bring the champ. Instead I took him to the beach side. He was confounded this time.
Fresh air blowing away his stiff hair from forehead to back, touching his cheeks as he stood with his two arms, folded and pressed to his diaphragm. I was just lost within the admiration of the way he stood firm in that speedy wind like he was telling them; “hit me hard and I will show you what I am”.
Silence prevailed till he turned his eyes on me.
I remember- he said, “Don’t give me those looks, I will vanish”.
I was confused if to take that comment as a complement or he was trying to mock at me.
‘I m flattered’, I replied.
Why did you bring me here?-he asked.
He needs a valid reason else he will fire me…I murmured.
I thought, you will feel better relaxed as you like the sea, as I sensed you are not in good mood. You look dull too-I replied trying to make him feel that I was there for him to take out the pain he carried with in his thoughts.
Umm…right! He said.
For the first time, I saw Shubham coming out with a girl on the beach without any hesitations. Something was surely wrong with him-I was damn sure.
So I started to take him in my stride.
“Shubham-read for me, a beautiful poetry please.”-I urged.
He is too good in writing Hindi poetry. I used to ask him favours for my Hindi subject and he will lend me his poems.
After a momentary pause, he read out—
“Ye safar abhi thama nahi, mujhe shaakh se jode rakhna. Main na lauta yahan toh mujhe duaaon mey yaad rakhna”.
I was stunned at his amazing ability to write instant poems that always touched my heart.
I took a glance at his eyes, it read some pain. I wanted to hug him tight, I wanted to tell him that I love him and that my love will never diminish for him ever in lifetime, that I would engulf all his pain, that I wanted to be his life partner till the last breathe. But I restrained.
Before we left the beach, I asked him if he liked any girl, someone special.
He replied to me giving away a bit fake smile, that he wasn’t sure whether it was special liking kind of feeling or else. I too did not bother to ask him further as that would mean loss of advantage point for me. But my heart felt jealous and shaken up.
That moment– I never imagined, would be my last meeting with him in RBV. That, by saying those two lines of poetry, he hinted on something which I didn’t understand.
The Exam Result Day
I successfully passed out in the finals with good percentage. I took my report-card and was waiting inside the shed again to meet Shubham. By the time it was 12.10pm, every classmate of his left for their home. But I could not see Shubham anywhere. I went to his classroom. He wasn’t there too.
There was no one, whom I could ask about his whereabouts if he came to collect his result card or not. So I thought to better ask Reddy sir who was 11th science class teacher then. Sir told me that he stood 1st in the class and he was the first one to take his result. So I knew then, he went home before me.
And that also meant, I will see him once he comes back to join 12th std in April.
But he never came.
My heart shrunk in pain. Why didn’t he join back in 12th?
He never bothered to inform me? How could he inform me by the way- he never had my contact number. But then, he could have once met me in RBV itself.
Maa had told me, that there will be a phase in the chapter called Love, when we have to part away from the person we love the most and that we have to respect and accept the separation for some time to make sure that’s really a True Love-but only if one felt the longing forever.
He never turned back to RBV. It was obvious from the mere fact that he was not happy with the teaching standards. Neither was I. After he left RBV, I wasn’t able to bear that emptiness he created for me. I had no one to talk. I felt too lonely and lost. The school appeared a haunted place to me.
I finally decided to leave the school and then joined KV1 in July, 98. I didn’t dare to meet him at his home, nor did I call him.
He was my first and last emotional possession.
I had faith that someday he will like me, love me and accept me. But once he left without bothering to tell me, I felt very insecure about myself. I knew that he did consume me completely. The pain of separation started engulfing me.
I joined English tuition centre which was in the housing colony where Shubham lived. This was the only subject, a weak point for in my academic.
A month later, I dared to meet him by bunking my class.-Bunked a class for him?-‘look what you have done to me, Shubham?’-I amused myself while I drove to the Annapurana cafeteria where I had asked Shubham to meet me.
Though I felt unwanted and detached from the world around me, I wanted to have a good time with Shubham.
“Hey champ! You took such a big decision and didn’t tell me huh?”—I confronted him with ferocious looks. By the way, which is your new school?-I toned him up.
He looked quite dull and unwell. He was silent like a year old kid who has exhausted entire energy playing throughout the day. His dull but otherwise cute childish appearance made me forgot all my momentary anger and fall in love with him again and again.
As we chatted over the lunch, he told me that he took the TC from school in the month of august. However he did not join any other school that year. He told me that, he suffered chest pain quite often in past two months and decided to skip a year of schooling. Moreover he decided to rejoin his previous school; GSSS Model. It was clear that I would pass out XII before him. And I will miss his company of friendship too.
Maa was correct; it was time to part-away for good reason. But that never meant the end of friendship or the happy days.
But indeed those were the days when loneliness took me over. My nature from a goody-girl was changing to a real adamant and arrogant girl. I was not talking with anyone at home until the day my younger sister Pihu advised me that I should tell Shubham, straight forward, what he meant for me. But I simply could never
What if he rejected me as soon as I tell him the truth? What if he loves someone else? What ifs were a lot and the fear of losing him as a friend was so horrific that I decided not to tell him anything till he felt atleast something for me. And this is where I have done the biggest mistake of my life.
Days turned weeks and week turned months. I got caught up in studies and he too didn’t speak to me for months. Although he never initiated any talks with me, I wished he did. However I left it that way. I believed one day he will feel different about me, he will miss my absence. But I was far too optimistic about my possession. In fact I could not hold on any longer this part-away phase.
My board exams where three months away. I never wanted to let myself fall in the hands of love-is-painful kind of ocean. I believed, Love is more powerful! It has magic to do wonders, to take care of little imperfections in us and mould us into a perfect being.
I never took the liberty of visiting him although my tuition centre was just a minute walk from his home. One day, as we encountered near the colony gate, I told him that once I finish XII, I wanted to do a degree in Media & Mass Communication or a degree in Journalism. He looked quite happy at my futuristic planning. I also told him that, we will have a lunch/dinner feast if I scored an 80% plus in board exam. He predicted that I will score 85% and to my surprise I did score around 87%. He helped me a great way by arranging many practice papers for the board. I owe him everything in my life.
It was time for a feast, after the Board results were declared. I made up my mind to assure myself that Shubham was not in relationship with any other girl and if he thought our friendship can ever go a mile further.
I wanted to overcome my fear of losing him. I wanted to get rid of the insecurity. I had a gut feeling that he will open-up over the treat.
On that penultimate day, it was only me and him at the lunch feast at ‘The Ananda’ hotel. Shubham has just come back from the tour of Little Islands; where, the people, the friends, the school & everything meant special for him. He had spent 13years of his life in the little islands.
We ordered the lunch and I started to ask him about his stay in the little islands. He looked very happy and excited. He told me that he met few of his old schoolmates; he enjoyed their company, even stayed at Jeet’s home for few days before leaving. And then he told something which I always feared and wished that God gave me strength to bear it.
‘Piya’- I am feeling, something is changing in me. At times, I feel lost in some world of fantasy where I see a girl walking beside me in the storms, holding my hand, and then leading me to another world where I see nothing except a sunrise. The touch of her hand gives me a sense of inner peace. As I turn to ask her, she disappears and then a moment later, I hear a whisper in my ear-“Mou”- his smile widened slowly as he started to unfold the secretes, rather the signs of true love.
Congrats, you have just broken my heart!-that’s what I wanted to tell him-I resisted.
‘Congrats dear, you have fallen in love, a true love as I see. May I know who the lucky girl is?’ – holding onto every tear my heart wanted to expel, I asked him in fact…her name is Moumita, right? I knew as he had once told me about his Little island schoolmates.
With a blush and little hesitation, he said, “Yes her name is Moumita.
She is from the little islands. We studied together in IX std for two months, before I left the school to join Model school. But I am not sure if it’s exactly what you just told me,-True Love. I need to give myself time to be sure. I have never felt different about any girl before, like I felt on the last day in that school leaving IX std and then during this short stay in the little islands when I met her twice. I like her for sure but just not sure enough to be as pious as love. We don’t share the bond of friendship even. Then how can I verdict that it is a true love or just a preoccupation of my mind”
My heart was pierced by his revelation. Time seized for me. That instance just sealed my fate, every hope I believed about my love and possession, about Shubham. My voice choked. Every fear that came in my dreams, during the days of our school-friendship, they all started to come true. I knew, I had just lost my prince charming to a stranger.
In-fact, it was a true friend, I lost that day, not because our relation will ever break….because, he, who consumed me within his soul unknowingly, will now be possessed by someone else like I was possessed by him.
‘You prepared yourself to face this…didn’t you? You setup this lunch treat to clear your doubts and fears, you wanted to know if Shubham felt the same as you feel for him, isn’t it ? And now since you have got your answers, don’t you have the courage to accept and live with it?’ – Time asked questions of me.
I felt, his heart was falling for Moumita, he was very slowly getting inclined to her-like the way I fell for him. Whenever he uttered Moumita, I could see a grin on his face. Inside; my heart tasted jealously for that instance.
Lunch was going to be over soon, so as my undisclosed love-story. I composed myself to face it and let Shubham feelthat I felt very happy for him.
If sacrifice was the need of that situation, I was happy to sacrifice myself, my desires to see Shubham nourishing his life with whatever he wanted.
So, shall we move out now?-I asked him.
Yes, we should. But before we leave, I thought to present you a gift–he replied still feeling the vibrant touch of love.
No, I don’t need any gifts. Our friendship and your presence is the best gift ever in my life. Just be in touch as I will move to a college in Chennai in few weeks to join a course in Media & Journalism.-I disclosed to him with a heavy heart. I knew he wasn’t good at all in buying gifts for any girl not even for himself.
“Shubham, I hope you find true love in someone who will make you smile in hard days, who will never leave you behind and never take you for granted, who will always standby you when you are right and when you are wrong, who will be by your side at your worst times, who will hug you when you are cold and kiss you in the rains and would not have it other way, with the one you find your heart, your inner-self at peace with your mind. And above everything, whatever you do in life-never lose hope, never underestimate yourself and always focus on your abilities. -I wished him with all my heart and this was the ultimate day when I and Shubham have last met”.
He stood silent for few seconds and then told me; ‘goody-girl; when you find your true love, I should be the first one to know. Be in touch and call me before you leave for Chennai’. We then bid goodbye to each other and headed towards our home.
I locked myself up in my room; lying on the bed, face crushed on the pillow, crying the entire day and night and kept blaming myself that I had missed what I shouldn’t have. I should have expressed my feelings straight to him without any fear of the consequences, earlier in RBV.
I learnt a lesson, ‘When you are in love, every minute is a right time.
If one waits for an opportunity without trying, you have to face bitter facts at times. Never hide your feelings just for the sake of holding on to any relation…just express it. Holding on to emotions and stretching the strings of relation above friendship knowing the fact the love blossomed in my heart, only landed me breaking it like my heart-break that day ’
Meeting Shubham was the most memorable part in my life, becoming his friend was my choice, falling in love with him was beyond my control, losing him this way will be my fate. I got addicted to him and I can never ever fall in love with anybody with the same passion.
A month later, sometime in June mid of 1999, I spoke to him over phone and told him that I was leaving the city to join the college in Chennai in two days. Neither he nor I insisted to meet in person.
I believed if it’s a true friendship we will be reunited once and forever. It was time for me to face the storm that he brought unknowingly in my life. I had to move on but my love, my feelings for him never changed and day after tomorrow when I will meet him after so long, I will again fall in love with Shubham as I had fallen every day in the past five years. The only difference is that, he does not know that I had a spy on him all these years and he still is the only boy-friend I have. I have treasured his absence all these years and wore the pain of separation only to become strong. His possession changed my life for good and my love for him transformed me into a better person ever.
—End of Piyali’s diary—
After going through Piyali’s story, I left a message for Shubham on his whatsapp messenger.
Hi Shubham! As I read Piyali’s story, I felt it was very tragic for her and on your part as well. Don’t blame yourself for whatever had happened. I am sure, if you had any hint of her feelings, you would have never let her go this way. These are all those experiences in life which you have found strength from.
I hope there are lots of better things that have happened in your life since then and I am eagerly waiting to listen to those. Do revert. We are leaving back day after tomorrow for Chennai and then to Mumbai. Keep me posted through email about the rest of your story.
For two weeks there were no reverts from his side. I requested my company manager to arrange me an official visit to the Islands. I must know the rest of his story.
I decided to meet Shubham. So I left him an email, inviting him to meet me as soon as I landed there in the islands. Finally I met him a day after I reached there at the LH Restaurant in the vicinity of a beautiful entertainment park near the sea shore, near to the college where he still finds memories of his love and the scar that he has told me that day.
Why were you not responding Shubham? Is everything fine with you?-He looked so upset that his misty eyes were immovable. Wiping out, he said-I lost Moumita once again.
I was stunned. Where and when did you find her?
PART 6
—-The Scar —
People change with time, so as friends. People part away for one or the other reasons, so as good friends. Sometimes we let them go even when we never wanted so, sometimes they leave us right during schooling or college or for the sake of career. Everyone does leave at some point of time. We cannot hold them forever with us. What remains with us, is just memories associated with them. However Shubham was very lucky to be in constant touch with many of his childhood friends, and with few them he used to talk over a sip of tea or a lunch regularly or do a facebook chat.
07Oct2016
—that day was a regular routine day for Shubham. He was already late for his office. He was about to shutdown his laptop and was thinking to rush like a biker. He was a usual ‘facebooker”. As he was about to sign off for that time-being, his eyes rolled over the friend request. Quickly he checked and a hidden smile popped up on his face. He accepts the friend request and reluctant to go for his routine job, he sits on the chair and loses himself on to a different world. The world where he could see the flashbacks of 16yrs of his past in bits and pieces.
After few minutes a message pops up ;
“How are you? It has been long time. It’s good to reach out and see old childhood friends again.”
The message was from one of his childhood friend Tisha.
Shubham woke up from his flashbacks and replied;
“Yes, indeed. I am fine dear”. How about you Tisha?
Tisha-“I m good Shubham, settled in Kolkata, a proud homemaker, have a 10yr kid.”
As he continued his chat with Tisha, his heart and mind took abrupt diversions and the surroundings got invaded by the smiling face of “MOUMITA”-his unfixed Love! Shubham felt wistful longing for those reminiscences.
“Are you in touch with any of our classmates, Tisha?”-Shubham asked curiously.
Tisha replied-“yes, with Ishita and Moumita”.
Moumita, where is she now? How are her parents? How about her life, what she does, when did they leave from the islands?-Shubham was selfishly expecting if this could be the answers for his search that turned defeating in 2005 and 2008 then.
Without delay, Tisha replied-Moumita and her parents are settled in Kolkata. Moumita is working in Healthcare.
“Oh Ok. Has she got married or not?-Shubham asked.
“No Shubham, she didn’t.
Me and Ishita met her last year when Ishita came here to meet us”-Tisha replied.
And then, the Scar that left Shubham immensely in a depressed state once many years back, only got deeper n deeper as his seven years of search for his escaped friend and love has just reached the destiny.
Behind every scar there is an untold story of survival. The scar, only made Shubham a better person, a lone warrior.
“I should have tried hard, I should have…to find her….I deserve this pain”–Shubham felt so low and torn apart again.
Was he thinking of getting back to Moumita? —Never…He can’t…He won’t.
Why were you so depressed after chatting with Tisha?-I asked Shubham as I could see his expressions swung healthy to depressing!
“At some point I lost hope that I would never hear about Moumita in years to come.
All these years I have turned to facebook pages several times to know about her whereabouts but how could I miss searching Moumita’s friend Tisha & Ishita who could have given me the lead back in 2008 to find whom I was searching for?” Was I so blank that time?” Did I get caught up in my own ethics? Everything still remains unfixed SK-he replied.
I understand how you must have felt, Shubham.
However one has to move on.
You can’t keep blaming yourself for everything which has not happened in your favour in the past and I guess it had happened for a good reason otherwise you would not have met such an understanding life partner, I mean your wife.- I consoled Shubham and he agreed completely. But there was lot behind his unfixed love story.
And I urged Shubham to tell me in detail everything about him and Moumita and whatever had happened after his friend Tisha told him about Moumita.
Then I came to know about his true unconditional love for Moumita which still remains unfixed.
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