PART 7
“MOUMITA-the unfixable love”
Very often Shubham will ride through the road in front of the degree college, then to his best friend’s house onto another lane where his childhood friend and classmate, Moumita used to live with her Maa, Baba and two brothers. But all he could find in vain was the lock that had sealed that flat for ever where once he could watch this special friend, giving a hypnotizing smile and waving a bye to him. The silence of the flat had the sweet voice, echoing of “Moumita”-The girl who always meant special to his heart, whom he loved so much that he had let her go for ever without letting her know, how deep it was.
For almost ten years SK, a strange dream has disturbed me very much every night. I had never slept a peaceful night. In that dream, I find
myself in an aircraft, that will start of the runway under a pleasant and calm weather but as the time passed, the aircraft would go through many storms and finally It will crash but just before it descended to crash, my eyes will open to see a bright sunrise and a shadow image of Moumita and a moment after the crash I will find myself in a placid sea, lost forever; every night-same dream.
But the day I heard about Moumita from Tisha, the dream has disappeared too. She too does not come to my dreams anymore. Am I getting rid of the past or is my brain trying to reject to allow her within my nerves? I am confused. Does this happen when we let our love go, crushing our desires? Desires to remain bonded in a way, stay in touch as long as our heart permits
The questions started piling up and Shubham was getting choked by sea of emotions. I could sense, his mind started talking to the heart as he continued his story-
It’s never easy to let go a person we love from the core of our heart and expecting that some day they will come back to us. It was never easy to break my own heart.
It all started in year 2000, as I pushed myself towards the ICU but then withdraw myself only to end up sitting lonely at the shore, praying for her survival, believing that she will and when she would open her eyes slowly, her life will change for better. I never had the courage to see her state of agony, the time she was fighting with, for every breath she took. Her body rested unconscious but I could feel the tortures she was bearing when all the drips and the tubes of the machines , the needles, the injections were pricked into her beautiful lean hands and the doctors kept checking her stats every half an hour to make her come back to life.
“What’s happening to me? Am I falling in love? Am I falling for her? Why am I not able to watch her on that bed?”
The sunlight wanes as Shubham wiped the tears and realized, “Yes, he loved her. It could be nothing except a true love”. That’s more than he admitted to himself that moment”.
For next three days he bound himself at home praying for Moumita’s recovery and for the first time Shubham started trusting the almighty.
I interrupted Shubham and asked what exactly had happened to Moumita. I had to ask Shubham to calm his mind.
“One of my IX classmates had informed me that Moumita tried to hang herself”.
As shocked as Shubham, I too, asked -you mean, she tried to commit suicide?
“Yes”-he replied!
But why such a step? She was a mentally tough girl as you told.
“I can’t imagine she could ever do that to herself. I never inquired about the reason.
But I heard at hospital from Naveen-one of our
classmate that somebody rumored; she was having an affair with someone in the school and that her parents came to know this and scolded her very badly.”-Shubham replied and continued…..
“I knew something like this was going to happen, the day I met her family back in Little Islands. When I went twice after clearing secondary and then senior secondary exams; I could not take it well that the lively and bubbly girl who used to talk a lot with friends in school, always smiling, full of naughtiness had suddenly turned so silent and selfish for herself.
I felt her family had put too many restrictions on Moumita. It is quite obvious that every conservative parent would never want their child specially a girl to get too much involved with friends but for Moumita it was too harsh.
Such a strict attitude might have let Moumita feel separated from her family and that might be the reason she took such a step.
I felt this, every time I met her family after they had shifted to the capital and lived here till Moumita finished her college; that she was very aloof very silent very reserved.”
Days passed by, she got recovered within a month or two. Her family had shifted to the capital, she joined the degree college. But I never met her until I came back in 2001 discontinuing my engineering from Orissa then.
Discontinued engineering? – I asked him in a state of shock. One of the talented student of my time left engineering?
Well SK engineering was not my cup of tea or that I hardly enjoyed learning those subjects. I always wanted to do a degree in medicines. My hopes were shattered when I could not join either MBBS or other disciplines of medicines even after I was on the top of the merit list in almost all branches of medicinal degree courses.
It was very strange and tough for me to digest that lot of confusions regarding the scope of
courses other than MBBS had kept me and family guessing which course was better then. I had no choice but to surrender as I was dependent monetarily on my parent.
Anyways I was a self motivator. So I tried to get admission in Comp sc, in the same degree college of my hometown where Moumita was in 2nd year of BSc.
“So, did you get admission? Got chance to meet her?”-I asked.
No, I did not join that college either. All seats were filled up by the time I returned and applied.
I and my friend Naresh were making a plan to join some college in Chennai but I ended up joining a Degree course in computes in distance mode and Naresh went on to join Engineering college.
I hadn’t had the opportunity to live the happy days of college. I never had a college life. I could never imagine that a student of my caliber would have such a messed up academic.
Everybody of my X and XII school batch would tell me, how tragic it was to get the talent wasted, like me. “Why not? Everybody believed I would do great and shine in whichever field I chose.” May be I did not have the courage to go against the tide, my family and the decisions they took for me, that time. Or may be I didn’t have the courage to hold onto those high expectations. It’s all about right time and right decisions.
I and Moumita were so close yet so far. Distance never separated us but feelings and attitude did. I wished, I had not turned back to see the shy smile of Moumita, on the penultimate day in IX std. At times I think, had I stayed and studied till XII std in that school, things would have been different today.
“What exactly do you mean by that? Are you saying, if you had remained in that Little islands, you would not have fallen for Moumita and life would have been different now for you or are you telling me that you would have fallen for her and life would have been different?”- I asked Shubham in a state of confusion.
At the mention of “Little Islands” changing the topic himself, Shubham said, ‘you know, I have very sweet memories of the Little islands and the school where I had studied and rediscovered myself’.
Shubham has a terrific memory of remembering his childhood. I understood he loved and missed the Little islands more than anyone else. And more than that he missed his school where he had spent eleven years growing from an average to a better student.
“Shubham left the Little islands during the 1st term of IX std, that was in Sep 1995.” But those eleven years of schooling there, were the most Happy Days of his life in GMSS Little Islands.
He became emotional as his reminiscences.
His eyes went numb at the memory of his school where he had built solid foundations for nine long years. The school was nothing less than a home to Shubham. How could he snap all bonds?
When I think of my childhood and specially the schooldays, I find the bright faces of my teachers and friends, flashing through my mind which gives me immense pleasure. I can clearly identify the yellow painted school building, the brown painted tall pillars and glass window panes of the class rooms, the PT room, the library, the classrooms, the long corridors and even the small room of the school peon just at the start of dense forest next to the six roomed wooden structure building that occupied students of Class 1 to 4th.
In a flash, many faces crossed his mind—the firm but friendly face of the Principal, the encouraging faces of the teachers, the strict eyes of the PET Mr. Suraj, the bushy moustache of the school peon Ram-Uncle as everyone addressed him and the fresh face of Sasi-his first crush with whom he had a cold war till XII std, Shija-the most descent and introvert girl of his batch, Saawan, Gopa, Dilip-who always used to fight in class, Shreya- his cousin whom he trusted more than himself.
It was 8.45 . Shubham had to return home and me with Ipshita went back to hotel to dine.
The next evening:
Year 2016 is going to end on a high note. Winter season has started. The pleasant cold breeze was having a soothing effect on my writing. I felt writing is not that easy but Shubham made it look so finer and easier for me with his narration.
So tell me more about your most memorable and happy days Shubham. We can always come back for Moumita’s and your story, isn’t it? -I urged him to relive his schooldays.
Where shall I start SK….it has been a tremendous journey for me having lived in the Little islands for almost 14years.
PART 8
The Little Islands-The Happy Days
“Look at me beta; don’t cry. See, lots of children here. Don’t cry. Play with them”.
It is the day when every child gets introduced to the world of education first time. It was Shubham’s first day of School life. His mother had left him in safe hands of the Nursery class teacher-Kutty Madam at the FCNS, three kilometers away from his home.
As we all do when left alone by mother at the age of three to strangers and the unfamiliar gathering, I too kept crying until Ayyamma-the lady peon who kept cheering and playing with everyone, came and gave me a hug. She held me in her arms and made me sit on a small tricycle. Like teacher, every single kid in that nursery was a stranger but as the time set off, we started to learn, we started to mingle with each other mostly during playtime. I hardly have any special memories of the nursery except that it was the foundation of my education. I made friends like Mahesh, Saawan, Kavitha, Shubha, Aneesh, Shuben, Simmy, Ancy who did study together till X standard.
From FCNS, I moved on to GMSS-Hutbay to join First Std and continued schooling till IX std. It was one of the best and top schools of my era.
That school has given me a lot, which I deserved being a student-love and affection of teachers, their blessings, their appreciation, great and lovable friends. That school taught me to believe in hope, hope for a better tomorrow, to stay focused whenever I felt and feared of darkness in my life, that after every darkness, the sun rises again. It has taught me, how to survive my own fears, to trust in self when there is no one to support. I have lots of treasured memories of that school, of those nine long years.
You will find funny and be surprised to know that from class 1 to 4, I was below average student in terms of studies. I never scored appreciable marks in any subject. But when I was in class V, an accident did some magic to my brain I guess and my academics improved by leaps and bounds. Till class IV, my cousin Shreya stood first. I was nowhere in the ranking. When we progressed to class V, I had met a major accident.
That’s quite interesting, Shubham.
Yeah sort of. Back in the Capital-Port Blair, my grandfather’s condition was quite serious. It was during Diwali holidays 1991-my family went to see grandfather. His house was located on a hilly area, very much accessible to the main road.
On the day of ‘Bhai-Dooj’, I was burning crackers outside when my grandmother called me in and asked me to bring something from shop which was opposite of that main road.
I went down the hill and was waiting to cross the road. At some distance on my right side I saw a Taxi was very slowly moving in my direction and from the left there were lot of vehicles coming uphill.
It was too much traffic to cross.
I waited for few more minutes having a look on the left side and then suddenly I heard somebody shouting and telling me to move back. That Taxi gained too much momentum and was furiously coming towards me. The next moment, I opened my eyes in pain, there were lot of fishermen surrounding me asking, where was my home, where were my parents. I tried to get up, I couldn’t.
I felt my right leg was too stiff and separated. The bone was fractured into two pieces.
My eyes felt darkness as I tried to get up second time. I could see fresh blood oozing out of my right leg. Someone from the crowd started shouting to call the ambulance.
Lying on the road helpless, I was noticed by my mother who had rushed out of the house to see the chaos.
She had probably noticed my red t-shirt and she rushed from the hill-top towards me. Mother shouted so loud crying out that my father and uncle heard it inside at home and they too came to the spot.
I was hit by that Car.
The last thing I could remember was that the car came at very high speed, may be losing the breaks and had hit me. The driver tried to escape after hitting but was grabbed by one of the shopkeepers there, as told by the eye-witnesses.
I was taken to the hospital in the same taxi. Surgeons operated the right leg and I was hospitalized for a month. Maa used to sit beside my bed without having proper food for all days and nights and took care of me. Then one day, fearing an epidemic, doctors discharged me.
I was taken back to home.
The next day onwards there were severe pain and my right leg swelled gradually. Later when x-ray was done we came to know that while I was being shifted from the stretcher to ambulance, the operated leg got dislocated. Within a week we flew to Kolkata for another surgery. There I was operated three more times, first at Kolkata Medical College, then at NRS hospital. Both attempts failed due to mere negligence of doctors. Finally I was admitted to a private nursing home in Ganesh Chandra Avenue near Sealdah. After all those trials, I learnt to be strong enough to bear every pain. I learnt to be self composed facing whatever hurdle, life was testing me with. The surgeon of the Nursing home was very pleased and surprised to see that I never cried out of pain from those surgeries. He had appreciated my courage and told me to be very strong and to study well. That was the first time I self-realized, I can cross every barrier with my will power if and whenever I wanted to. That was a major turning point in my life at the age of 10.
I was discharged within two weeks. We came back to the islands, back to home. But there was a major challenge-how would I go to the school and sit for seven hours? So the Principal sanctioned special permission for me so that atleast math and science teachers were allowed to teach me at my home after school hours.
My father who was also a teacher in the same school taught rest of the subjects. For next three months my home was my school. I self studied for the exam and after a long gap of five months I went to school only to appear for the exam. I had to use the ‘baisakhi’ to walk. It took me a year to recover and walk properly. When the class V final exam results were declared, I stood first with 100% marks in most subjects and everybody in my school appreciated my will power and hard work.
So, the accident got better out of you, isn’t it Shubham?
Yes, SK. I never looked back after that. I studied well enough and stood top in class VI and VII too. The competition was with me. I overcame my inabilities turning them into my strength. My classmates were very supportive. They never felt jealous of me neither do I. My classmates Dilip, Gopa, Mahesh, Anish, Shuben, Labeesh, Finny and I were quite a gang of good friends in the school. Dilip was too descent but he and Gopa always used to fight a lot. One will lock up the other during recess in the class while other classmates played outside.
Finny, Mahesh, Anish, Shuben and Labeesh were good in playing cricket apart from studies. I performed well in the sports too.
Even though my right leg was not cent-percent fit for sports activities, I got silver in Long jump in annual sports of my school, then the best bowler commendation certificate in the school tournament final wining the cricket match taking 5 wickets in one over. We had defeated senior team by 3 runs. Those encouraging moments gave me determination in life to stay focused no matter how tough times were.
Well done Shubham. So after that everything went well ha?-I had to appreciate the way he carried himself after that accident being a kid, was inspirational.
Not everything, SK-he replied. I went off-track when I was in VIII std. I always trusted and respected my classmates. More than that I blindly had trust on my own cousin, Shreya. One incident defamed me overnight in the entire school. I was equally responsible too. In VI std, we had one new girl student-Sasi. She came from VKV school as her parents got transferred to the Little islands. She was very pretty.
Most of my classmates hovered around her as she was the only one well versed in English speaking. We hardly knew spoken English.
I hated her because after she had joined, many things started changing.
Teachers forced us to speak in English always. During the play time, earlier all girls and boys played together maintaining the decorum. But her entry stopped that trend. Boys and girls were made to play separately.
There was superior and inferior complex getting into us. Sasi would always avoid talking to boys.
If any boy, by mistake collided with her, that used to be a punishment day for him. But somehow, I had a crush on her. She was an excellent classical dancer. I was always an admirer of art and classical dance although I don’t know the abc of it. I could never let my eyes off her whenever she performed. The more she performed, the more I got attracted to her beauty. Gradually, I started finding reasons to talk to her; be it asking English notes or a Hindi to English translation or requesting her to play basketball with me. I started doing silly things.
I used to wake up early at 5 am and sitting on my study table, I would watch her from the window hiding myself enough not be noticed by her-she used to clean the backyard every morning at 5.30am.
Everytime I saw her, I felt that she was so down to earth girl. Shreya and few others were noticing this little drift in me. One day, Shreya asked me if I liked Sasi. I agreed with her but that was very casual reply.
Then Shreya, told me if I liked her; it meant I loved her too. I was too immature to differentiate the thin line between crush and love. Shreya gave me a two hours lecture about crush love and related every change in me to my liking for Sasi-basically it was a mindwash which I later learnt.
I was amazed at Shreya. When she told me about the love –shuv things, I foolishly believed that if she was excellent in studies, might be she was true.
So I just followed her instructions and next day in school, during the recess-I wrote a chit mentioning “I love U” and gave it to Shreya which she handed over to Sasi and I went to the playground.
A moment later, our class-monitor came running and said, “Shubham-please go to the staff room immediately. You have been called upon by Sasi’s mother”.
I trembled in fear but anyhow I had to face whatever was up there. When I entered the staff-room, I saw Shreya standing with her head down, Sasi wiping her tears and our class-teacher, my father and Sasi’s mother all staring at me in anger. The very next moment- blows of slaps on my face left my throat choked with tears. It took just few seconds to realize that Sasi had complaint the matter to our class teacher. Sasi’s mother asked Shreya and Sasi to leave the room.
‘You come from a cultured and educated family, to do this, to bring shame to our school and your family?-Vijaya mam yelled on me’. I kept my silence because even if I had uttered the truth it wouldn’t have bothered anyone-the damage was already done.
My father could not stop beating me until Chaaya mam-our Hindi subject teacher came and stopped him. I felt very ashamed. After that incident, except Jeet and Mala nobody spoke to me.
There was hush-hush laughter in my class. Most of them avoided sitting with me. I became the bad-bad boy for them, became the talk of the town. I felt so cheap inside.
Two things had died that day. First, the blind-trust I had on Shreya. Second; the brave side of mine. It seriously affected my studied. I moved down to third position in class VIII final exam. I maintained distances surprisingly from every teacher and friend.
At home, Maa was the one who believed that his son could not do such nuisance. Whenever I tried to tell her the truth about that mistake, I felt so choked with fear and nothing came out of me.
I was holding a fake face at home pretending to be fine while my inner peace was taken away. Back in the school, I could never make direct eye contact with Sasi’s mother or my class teacher. Even I choked to wish them. The guilt of that shameful act was so much that I had lost friendship with Sasi too. I too never tried to explain to anybody. I left for Time to heal this wound and hoped that others too sooner or later will discover the truth behind it.
There were drastic changes taking place within me. The class appeared empty to me even though I had great friends.
I felt, I was going to the school for name sake. Then in IX std first term, I had got border-mark in Math subject.
I started losing self confidence. There were many new admissions in IX std which I skipped noticing. I had strictly restrained myself to stay away from the company of girls forever. But it just turned a promise to be broken soon.
So, you could not resist the crush, isn’t it Shubham?- I asked him.
The crush had already suffered a death as soon as I was in IX std. But you see, when we wish for everything to settle or go our way, destiny always has some surprise for us and the most unexpected ones too.
On 11th Sep, 1995, there came a tragic news. In the 5th period, I was told by my class teacher to go back home. When I reached home I saw gathering of the school teachers and friends of my parents stood in silence. As I approached my bedroom, Maa hugged me tight and kept crying a lot. My younger sister was sitting beside Maa.
She was just 7 years then. Then someone from behind whispered into my ears that my grandfather had expired suffering a cardiac arrest.
Everything went dark instantly. When I regained consciousness, I could not stop crying. Grandpa loved me a lot. He was the tallest in family around 6feet 5 inches tall. Like his height, he always held a high stature in the society because of his intelligence, knowledge and wisdom.
He was an excellent artist, a great harmonium player and his English writing; grammatical and speaking skills were far superior although he was only a matriculate from the British era. When I was a kid “Dadu” used to take me for a long walk on his strong shoulders. He was muscular at 56.
He was my great friend too. My Maa always said that I had inherited the physique, the intelligence, the grace and ability to hold the head high in tough times from my grandpa.
It was the month of monsoon storms. We travelled 10 hours by ship in rough sea conditions to reach the capital city as my father had to carry out the last rituals. After thirteen days we were back to the Little islands. In the meantime my father had applied for transfer to the capital city. This news added to my injury. I was attached and addicted to the school where I had lived and cherished my childhood. I requested my father not to shift to the capital city but he argued that since he had to take care of grandma, it was a must. He also convinced me and Maa that I and my sister will get better schooling and later, better career options in the capital. I could not take this argument well. My school was also competent enough. We had experienced and talented teachers. But Maa told me that I was not an adult to take correct decisions that time. I wasn’t happy with Maa either. She too loved that place. She had spent 15yrs of her life and had seen me growing up there. Today when I look back, I wish we had never left the Little Islands. The shifting did a collateral damage, beyond repair. Had we stayed few more years in the Little islands, things would have been different.
Why so, Shubham? Didn’t you get a better educational, schooling and a steady life what your father had convinced you before shifting?—I asked him in desperation.
The capital city took away everyone I loved, everyone I had treasured till then leaving me alone to confront with time and destiny.
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